Graven In His Hands

Hot Week in Missouri

2010-07-18T15:00:00.002-05:00

This was quite a week. I had intended on working at camp every day but Wednesday and Friday when I would be working at the clock shop. As it turned out, I worked in the kitchen at camp Monday and Tuesday, leaving kitchen work long enough to play the keyboard and on Tuesday night I enjoyed singing with my boy.

Bro. Dignen was a great preacher and 5 souls were saved. Spencer outdid himself on the videos. They were super funny.

There seemed to be a very good spirit there and that was confirmed when I asked one of my bus riders this morning to tell me what she learned at camp. She quickly brought out all the notes she took and I was impressed with what she told me. Lord, please help that be long-lasting wisdom in her life.

On Wednesday, I got a call while at work from Leighanne, who had a bit of a problem since her babysitter had gotten sick. I agreed to take the children to their own house and spend Wednesday night through Friday morning with them. All went well. Jackson woke up at 4:30 Thursday morning crying for his daddy. I changed him and gave him a bottle. He continued to cry for another 30 minutes while I stood outside his door. He didn't awaken again until 8AM.

On Thursday night I realized that I didn't have an alarm clock so I asked Maleah to wake me at 6:30 so that I could get the kids ready for Liz to pick them up at 7:30. Unfortunately, at 4:45. Joselyn got up from the mattress beside the bed Jordyn and I were sleeping in to tell me she was having a nightmare. I just let her in the bed. That was the last wink of sleep I got until late that night.

Today was a blessing, after knowing that I really was in no mood for visitation or anything on Saturday, it's amazing what the Lord does in spite of us sometimes. We ended up with 22 on the bus and one of those was a first time visitor.

The Lord is so good. I was absolutely worn out when I got home Friday afternoon. I decided to not even go to RU. When I get overly tired, my thoughts are not good and I just want to give up. But while sitting here at the computer after bus visitation, I decided to check out Bro. Dignen's webpage. There I found this message:
http://www.bbcjc.com/MP3%20Files/August/August%2019,%202007%20AM.mp3
It was such a blessing. I do feel like we never give an out for physical exhaustion. As one that wants to be a part of the Lord's work and is not afraid of work, I do feel like I am going to collapse sometimes. Of course I know better but it seems as if we don't have permission to rest when God certainly told Elijah that he needed to rest.

In spite of my thoughts and my weakness, God blessed with a nice bus load and sweet children once again. I found myself, though physically tired, exhilarated at what the Lord had done. Praise the Lord for one more week accomplished. Now, ahead is Junior week at camp and then beginning Sunday night will be VBS and the busses are running every night through Wednesday. HELP.....we need more workers in the field!!!

Summer Schedule

2010-07-12T07:58:00.003-05:00

Will I make it? That is the question.

Yesterday was a good day on the bus. We ended up with 15 kids on the bus. We also had 3 first timers. They were all such precious little ones.

This morning begins Teen Camp week. I need to leave here by 9 so I can get my keyboard set up. I am going to play for some of the services. I will also be working in the kitchen and taking lots of pictures. I so enjoyed that last year.

The next week will be Junior week and I will be doing the same thing. Then on Sunday night, July 25, we will begin four nights of VBS. The busses will be running so that will mean four late nights. I need the Lord's strength and power. I pray that our work will not be in vain.

Hello Again!

2010-07-04T23:34:00.003-05:00

It has been way too long since I posted anything to this blog. I really did like the way it looked and I think I will try to resume my writing here again.

I am now back in the bus ministry. I no longer have the Pevely route but instead am working the Festus route. For many reasons that is much easier than Pevely. The ride is not as long so, less time on the hot bus in the summer and less time on the cold bus in the winter.

The flip side to that is that we have less time to have a program and less time to interact with the children. The following story is exactly why I decided to start blogging again. I don't want to forget the details of this.

Back in early spring, I started visiting at a home very close to the church. I had seen a number of children playing in the yard so I stopped. From that stop I began to pick up several but the two little boys from the yard where they were playing never would come. The mother had been very friendly and had told the oldest one, who was in the third grade that he could go if he wanted. The younger boy was only four and she really didn't know if she trusted him on the bus or not. The older one was a bit shy and for some reason didn't want to go. He would say he was coming but then he would have time to think about it and back out by the morning. I continued to visit every Saturday, always leaving candy for both.

I believe it may have been the end of May that the older one came with the next door neighbors and really enjoyed himself. Soon he brought his little brother and they both have been having a real good time.

Saturday, I got out of the car with my flyers and bucket of candy. Little J----- was next door and came running. I threw open my arms and he ran right into them for a big hug. He is just precious.

This morning, they both got on the bus, giving "high fives" to the bus driver and excited about church. They love to go to the back but soon decided they might like to come to the front. The yougest said to me , "Chuch Lady, are we gonna sing?" His little eyes were just dancing. I promised him we sure would in a few minutes. ( My problem is that I take the roll and can't sing while doing that, so it is hard to have a program. I must do something about that.)

We worked on our memory verse: "Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord." If you haven't figured out, Little J doesn't pronounce his words very well yet. I think this was the way he repeated it. "Bwessed ith the nation whose God is the ward." He was so precious and like a little sponge as he listened to every word that was being said.

When we got to church, we got our 6(It was July 4th remember)charges to their classes. I was down the hall making sure that the three got into the five year old and 1st grade classes. I heard a sweet little voice saying "That's my Chuch Lady! Hi Chuch Lady!!" It was the little 4 year old who was being taken to the restroom by his teacher.

I'll tell you, those two little boys are worth any sacrifice that may be done to teach them the Word of God. They are so sweet and hungry to be loved and taught. Once again my eyes are opened to the needs of our community. There are little J's all over Festus, and I would like to reach as many as possible.

Thank you, Lord for this opportunity!

Traitor!!

2006-08-08T10:49:00.000-05:00

I have jumped ship!!! Shawn talked me into going with a Vox blog. So, my new address will be www.momlinda.vox.com. Hope to see you there.

Choices

2006-08-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a thought that seemingly came from nowhere? I have done that at times and then tried to trace my thoughts back to the original thought. This was one of those times.

I was sitting at McDonald's, eating my Asian Chicken Salad, which I must say was pretty tasty. I was sitting at a corner booth, facing the line of cars in the drive-thru lane when it hit me that all around me people have clearly made choices and the evidence of the results is apparent.

Here are some of my observances: A man who had a long pony tail reminded me that we have a choice of hair styles. He waved at me which drew my attention to the fact that he was driving a nice black car. (Sorry, sir, I am a woman and they are all just different colors to me!) That made me think about our choices of car styles, colors, power and accessories.

A girl pulled around with her head leaning over and her mouth moving(no one was in the car), then I realized that she was talking on a cell phone. Ah ha, more choices, Verizon, Cingular, U. S. Sprint??

Another car came through with a couple in it, so evidently together long enough to get tired of one another. That stirred in me the thoughts of our choices to be married or single, to relate to one or another.

There I sat eating that Asian Chicken Salad and I could have had a Big Mac!YUCKO!! OR, maybe a McRib, if only that store had CHOSEN to carry it at this time of year!

I was anticipating my trip to Curves in the evening and realized that I could have gone to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, or I could have just gone back on my First Place diet. OH ME.....I am not really into this yet. I dread it. I dread the CHOICE to be sore! I know that it will hang on for a while until I gradually build my body up again.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, I realized I had to make a choice about Mobil, Shell or BP gasoline before my lack of choice left me sitting on the side of the road in a nice black car, enjoying the heat of the day.

I made my choice to get that black car cleaned up. I can just hear Bob saying, "Mike would have NEVER let that car get in that shape!" It was just that I had left the car outside the garage for a few hours one night and had watered flowers and splashed water all over it and it dried.

Oh yes, and there was the choice I made to let Millie ride in the car the one time when Maleah wanted her to come to her house. That choice produced quite a few dog hairs, even though I had carefully covered the entire back seat.

When I got to the carwash, I had a choice: would it be #1, an outside wash, #2 outside and inside, or #8 an outside, inside job WITH WAX! I chose #8 and dug out my money and there it was-the tip jar! Oh well, I chose to tip the kids and made my choice about how much.

Next door was the Christian Bookstore and I made a choice to go there and pick up a gift I had been meaning to pick up for a while. I had several choices of colors and styles but made it quickly.

I then saw that the monument company was right next door to the car wash and I still had not picked out a stone for Mike's grave. Was I ever astounded!!! The choices were numerous! Would it be black marble, red marble, flat, tall, slanted or even a bench? Would it be $900 or would it be $2500? I didn't make that choice yet.

I made my way to WalMart, where I chose a basket and began to wheel down the aisle of my choice. Should I get Wonder bread or WalMart brand or one of the many others?

I went to the cucumbers, there were burpless, hothouse and just the regular ones that were .78 each.

It was a trip of choices as I ended up spending $111.00 and then had to choose whether to use cash, check, credit or debit!

I got home and put up my groceries, choosing carefully exactly what spot to set each product. I made my decision to do a rotissere chicken for supper and started the procedure. I washed the bird thoroughly then rubbed it down with a Mesquite flavored rub that I had chosen from the many rubs and sauces they had available.

Do you see my point? EVERYWHERE WE TURN THERE IS ANOTHER CHOICE TO MAKE!!! Sometimes I just get tired of making choices but the alternatives are not exciting. Wouldn't you hate to be in a position where you had no choices.

I choose every morning if I want to start my day with the Lord or without Him. I choose if I want to read His Word or maybe another book. I choose if I want to talk to him and communicate my thanks and needs and just discuss my plans. The choices I make are so important and they do make a difference in my attitude for the day.

Jos 24:15 (KJV) "And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."

We're Off!!

2006-08-01T21:34:00.000-05:00

Well, tonight I did something that I needed to do a long time ago. I joined Curves. It's not going to be something that I enjoy for a while. I remember how my whole body hurt when I first started walking. The only reason I stopped was because of bad weather and by the time the weather got good again, I was out of shape.

Maleah joined with me. She is such an encourager. She definitely does NOT need to lose weight but it won't hurt her to firm up some of her muscles.

I feel like I need to make a decided effort in this department since it doesn't look like my grief will cause me to lose weight. I want to do this now at this point in my life because it is a good place to start with something that needs commitment.

My goal......being able to fit into a size 10 dress!

Lord, I need you!!

Canadian Friend

2006-07-31T21:05:00.000-05:00

About the same time that I met Bill, I met a young man from Canada; Montreal, to be exact. He was such a pleasant person and also searching for a deeper relationship with the Lord. He, too, had written a story that was to have been a fiction but was based on his own life. It was a story that pulled at my heart strings and provoked me to write this:

Dear friend of mine in deep distress,
Your hurt is my hurt, too.
The broken heart, rejected love,
Restful nights---very few!

I offer you a simple prayer,
And know that there you'll find,
A refuge from the storms of life.
A healing hand so kind.

The love you search for cannot be found,
Upon these humble shores.
Your boat will drift with the waves of time.
Your life will be a chore.

But if you'll see that there is One,
With open arms He stands,
Just waiting to enfold your life,
He surely has a plan.

His plan is rich and full and sweet.
He longs to have you see,
That all along He's been right there,
Throughout your destiny!(SIDE NOTE...this is not a word I would have used but one he strongly believed in.)

I know your life has never been blessed
With comfort and great care,
From those around who should have known,
Your need and deep despair.

But trust Him!!! He's brought you all this way,
He knows how much you need,
To make your life a trophy,
Of His grace and love indeed.

I know He draws you every day,
Your words confiem to me,
That God is working in your life,
Dear Martin, heed His plea!!

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."

Bill

2006-07-31T20:52:00.000-05:00

In 1996, we got our first computer. It was something that we had needed for a while and I wanted to put our business on it. BUT the reason we got it was because the kids were just beginning to need it for typing research papers.

I guess I am just curious. The computer came with a free download of AOL. This was long before I had heard too much about the internet. I do believe that it was in the beginning stages and there was a little more freedom. I quickly found chat rooms. I love people and the idea of being able to chat with people in other areas of the country and the world was fascinating to me.

One of the first people I met was a boy named, Bill, who was going to the University of Michigan in Kalamazoo. He evidently had quite a bit of time on his hands. We got acquainted and quickly the question about his faith was asked. He sent me a poem that he had written about his despair in his search for something true. This is my answer to him, written July 16, 1996:

A deep pit, full of sorrow and sin,
And you are right,
We just can't win,
Not alone, that is.

Someone is waiting with outstretched arms,
Someone who's known all along,
Someone who loves you in spite of the sin,
He knows all about it and hears above the din,
Of voices clamouring loud and long,
Chiding you with all that is wrong.
He whispers in a still, small voice,
"Bill, I love you and have all along."

You are right, there is a light at the end,
God, you say, yes God, the Son.
God, the one Eternal One.
God, the one who came to give,
His life for us that we might live.

he lived the only perfect life,
Free from sin and sorrow and strife,
Then gave it there upon the cross,
In sacrifice for all who were lost.

Oh, many died on a wooden cross,
Paying for sins and reputations lost.
But this one was different---
How? You ask!

Look at the tomb in which He laid!
It's empty, Praise God!!
Resurrection Day!
Where did He go, How did He do it?
POWER--His own!
Do you believe it?

Now in heaven He intercedes,
For those who trust Him and truly believe.
He prays and He prompts with His still, small voice.
Are you listening?
It's clearly your choice.

Don't feel alone in the sea of despair.
"All" He said, "have once been there,
Thrashing and scrambling for all that is real,
And yet this old world has a blinding appeal."

Make a choice,
Choose the right,
Jesus is there to help with the fight.
It doesn't make the world be nice.
It doesn't make everything be right.
But it sure does help when the going gets rough,
To know you've a Helper and He's REALLY tough!!!

Romans 10:9-10

Giving

2006-07-31T20:46:00.000-05:00

This was a poem that was written as a result of some situation that gave me such a burden to want to give and yet there was nothing that I had financially to help at that time. I searched my heart about it over and over and finally prayed and this was the comfort that God gave to me.

Grief fills my heart,
As I think of the days
That I've wasted my time,
On things that don't pay.

"How do I change it, Lord,
What must I do,
To make my life worthy,
Of grace, tried and true.

I never can do it,
I never can pay!
"But I love you in spite..."
I hear the Lord say.

I've given you treasures,
One, two and three.
If you want to give,
Give THEM back to me!"

"But how, Lord, how?
I try so very hard,
To keep their clothes clean
And their lives unmarred."

"Just trust me," He said,
"I'll lead you each day.
You never will make it,
Except as you pray!"

January 2, 1996

Don't Give Up

2006-07-31T20:37:00.000-05:00

My father became a pastor in 1953, when I was just beginning third grade. I had watched my parents through Bible college and their faith made a deep impression on me. It was while in Springfield, where Dad was in college that I realized my need for a Savior. I was only 5 but it was real.

Unless you have lived in a pastor's home, you have no idea the hurts and the problems that dealing with people can bring. I have watched my parents go though much hardship with little to no money for feeding and clothing 5 children.

Along the way, there were many good times and exciting times as souls were saved and others led into the ministry.

But there were times when my dad would experience, as others did, a touch of depression. My mother was very concerned on one particular occasion and shared with me her burden for dad. That led to the following poem.

Don't give up,
Thought the way seems long,
Don't give up,
Though ALL goes wrong!

The God you served
For many a year,
Is here to comfort
And dry your tears.

Have not I heard you say before,
"Your life is a vapor"
So trust Him more.

The God you served,
Who in His grace,
Led you and fed you,
Is still in His place.

The pit may be deep,
The walls may be tall,
But there's still a Deliverer,
Who lift's when you fall.

He'll leave you there
Until you see,
It was in His love
He has chastened thee.

Oh taste and see,
That He is good,
His mercy is there,
Though not understood.

Oh, don't give up,
Though the battle's long,
The God that has led you,
Will still make you strong.

Give it to Jesus,
The fear and the doubt,
The Lord, Who's been with you,
Can still bring you out!!

July 20, 1993

Poetry

2006-07-31T20:26:00.000-05:00

I do not consider myself a poet but through the years I have felt an urge to rhyme some sentences. I guess the first time it happened was when I fell MADLY in love with Tom B-----, my first year of college. I wrote several little poems in that awe of emotion.

It has never been anything that I did on a regular basis. I guess I really haven't tried. I just thought I would add the ones I have found .

This first one was written on June 17, 1991. It was the last time that Grandma and Papa kept the kids for a week during the summer. It was a welcome relief for us and probably a pretty stressful time for them. Papa died almost a year to the day after this on June 19, 1992.

TO MY CHILDREN

While you were gone, I had some time,
To reflect on all the years.
The good, the bad, the in-between.
The laughs and even the tears.

The time is moving quickly,
When you and I will part,
And many things I long to teach
Are still buried in my heart.

A love for God, our Father,
A turst in Him, Supreme,
A knowledge that, no matter what
On HIM you can ever lean.

These things are not taught in short devotions,
Or even pious words, quickly said,
But living daily with every emotion,
In bondage to Him whose blood was shed.

You cannot go wrong by giving Him,
What He has entrusted to you,
Your time, your strength and your talents,
Your thoughts and your actions, too.

I love you each with undying love,
But even that seems insincere,
When measured with the love He gave,
By sharing His Son, so dear.

My hearts desire, before you came,
And even now remains,
That you will walk so close to Him,
That others, too, will want the same.

I love you, Shawn, Maleah, and Ryan

Colossians 1:9-14
Mom

HOT HOT HOT

2006-07-31T15:37:00.000-05:00

Wow....I finally heard those words I longed to hear! Grandma actually said she was warm. I took her to the bank today so she could close her checking and savings accounts and take my name off them. It's not at all that I WANTED to have control of her accounts but I am very fearful at what is going to happen. I have been keeping her checkbook balanced weekly since she has been here. Every penny is accounted for but she said I have made it confusing????? She accused me of writing checks out of her account that she didn't tell me, which was certainly NOT the truth. I would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS do that!! So, I told her that she needed to find someone else to do her bookeeping if she couldn't trust me. She informed me that she could do it herself. She had two checks to write for bills and she had such a mess that she asked me to come straighten it out for her. She had written one check in the amount of the previous check number. She then put the bill in the envelope, sealed it, stamped it and mailed it, leaving the check in her checkbook. She really gets confused these days.

Another scary thing is her drivers license. They are out of date on her birthday, this Thursday. We went by the drivers license office and she tried to take the eye test and could not pass the traffic sign part of it. The girl sent her home to study. If she can't pass that, she can't get her license! OH PLEASE PRAY THAT SHE CAN"T PASS THAT!!! I would NOT want to be anywhere around if she started driving again. I know she feels very limited by her situation but honestly she is in no state to drive.

She is still keeping her car. We let one battery ruin because there was no need to drive the car. Hopefully, she will soon come to the realization that there is really no reason for her to keep that car and pay insurance on it.

The weather has been extremely hot and expected to be so this week also. I picked up Tabatha to take her to the church so she could get on the bus to go to camp and the smell of the kids already there BEFORE the week begins was not good!!! I remember the first camp week that Shawn went. He was in the third grade and very self-concious about changing clothes in front of anyone. So he wore his bathing suit under his clothes and then wore the same outfit ALL WEEK LONG!!! I can assure you that when I picked him up the smell was unbearable!!!!! BTW, it wasn't that he didn't have clothes to change into. I was quick to thank the couselor for what a great job he did since Shawn's clothes were packed neatly in his suitcase still.... AND he didn't lose anything!!!

Maleah went one week and I think it was a horrifying experience. One week of bugs and heat to a sissy is like an eternity in hell!! (Right, Mal)

Now Ryan was another story. He loved camp. He even worked out there several years. He loved getting dirty and stinky and taking chances with bugs and lizards and snakes and horses just to get to swim every day.

Living Springs Camp has been going a long time, and many children have found their way to the Savior through that ministry. May the Lord bless the couselors and camp director and cooks and speaker this week as they minister to these needy children.

Mark 9:41
"For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink in my name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his reward."

Rain Sweet Rain!

2006-07-29T22:45:00.000-05:00

We have been so blessed!! First of all, we had some pretty bad storms in the area a week ago on Wednesday night. We lost our electricity at around 8;30 PM and got it back at 11:00 PM that very night. Some people in St. Louis were just getting their power back today. So THAT was a real blessing. We haven't been hot......well, that is if I didn't pass Grandma's bedroom door when she had the HEATER on, of all things!!! I tried to shut the door but she insists that she needs some circulation SO....we have to circulate the hot air while the poor A/C is struggling to keep the house below 76 with the sun out and 98-100 every day.

Even though we had lots of stormy weather and wind, we had little rain. We have had so little rain that the river birch trees in our yard are losing their leaves. It looks like October in my yard. There has been rain all around us but we wouldn't get anything. I forgot to water last night and this afternoon after I came back from working at the church as a hostess for the new directory photography sessions, the impatiens were looking BAD!! They always let you know if they need watering but this time they looked almost past going, so I made a mental note that I had to water tonight. Would you believe that about 6:00 it started POURING. It is amazing to me to see the whole yard perk up. The trees look refreshed. The impatiens and the morning glories are standing up. The grass is looking greener. Isn't it amazing that I could stand with the water hose all day long and the flowers would still look pitiful but let the Lord do the watering and they drink it up!!! Kinda like they know Who their master is, huh!!!

Tears

2006-07-26T17:39:00.000-05:00

I got a call today from one of Mike's customers from out in Crawford County. We have known her since our years of managing a music store in Cuba. That was in 1978. She has used Mike's piano tuning skills for YEARS! She called today to tell me that she had one note that had just quit playing and she wondered when Mike was going to be back out. I felt so bad and didn't know how to say it, so I just had to tell her that he was never coming back because he was in heaven.

It took her completely by surprise and she almost hung up on me because she couldn't control her emotions. We got through it. I have tried to be really brave and not cry when I tell that to any of his customers because I feel bad for them. After all, they have no idea it has happened and then they call and get that news in such a surprising fashion. But I have to say that I couldn't hold it today. I just had to cry with her.

I will miss those visits with she and her daughter and grandkids. She has been teaching piano lessons in Sullivan for YEARS and still only charges a small amount to do so. She lost her husband years ago and has her married daughter and her son-in-law and grandchildren living with her.

I think I went with Mike the last three or four times he went out there. She tunes every 6 months so we saw her often.

Someday it won't be so hard.

I am still in the process of sorting out things and have gotten lots of good advice. Only the Lord knows what is the proper decision in every situation.

Psalm 116:1-2
"I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.

Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore, will I call upon him as long as I live."

Tomatoes, Cucumbers, Watermelon and Cantaloupe

2006-07-25T15:26:00.000-05:00

Isn't the Lord's bounty delicious! On Sunday, I received a big bag of fresh tomatoes, three cucumbers(I love cucumbers!!!!) and a recipe for Gazpacho. I am going to make that real soon.

Before the day was over I also had a BIG watermelon and BIG Cantaloupe to bring home. It was all delicious.

Mike also loved fresh vegetables. His parents had a good garden for many years. I never really learned how to do that. Wish I had. It sounds like a lot of fun and work!!!

I do appreciate all the sweet people that share!!!

I am kind of in a lull. There are so many decisions to make and I have things I could be doing but I just don't want to do anything right now.

I got the new keyboard and it is so much fun to play with. I have restored my joy of music. There is also MUCH to learn about how to work the keyboard, not to mention the work to learn the Finale Print Music program so that I can transpose some music and write it out.

Then there is the unfinished business of the Counseling. I have several books that I have not read yet. I promise to get back on that soon.

If I stay up too late at night, then I sleep past 6:30 in the morning and I miss the best part of the morning. Millie usually needs to go out as soon as I get up but if I don't come right back upstairs and shut the door and do my Bible reading and prayer, it can get lost in the day. I have done that twice and I do NOT want to do it again. I have been being consistent in the morning and night to have devotions and I feel so much better.

I don't watch much TV at all. It just doesn't appeal to me very much. There was a movie on this afternoon that I taped about Dr. David Livingstone. I don't know what it was about but it just sounded interesting so maybe I will relax and watch that later.

Maleah is coming over tonight with her new car. She got a new Scion. www.scion.com
I haven't seen it yet but I hear it sure drives better than the Saturn that she had. She is very excited and I can't wait to see it.

Ryan seems to be feeling a little better with new plans on the horizon. Time will tell.

I was excited to hear that Shawn and Shannon went to Sunday School this Sunday and enjoyed it. I hope to hear that they are involved in a new church congregation.

The weather has been hot but we have been cool in the house. Grandma constantly tells me it is cold and we haven't even had any changes of seasons????? I just let her talk!

Psalm 68:19
"Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah."

Ring The Bells Of Heaven

2006-07-23T15:02:00.000-05:00

"Glory, Glory how the loud harps ring,
Glory, Glory how the angels sing.
Tis a mighty army like a mighty sea,
Pealing forth the anthem of the free!"

Today Lauren accepted Jesus as her Savior. We have been praying for so long for her. I look forward to helping her as she grows in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Since Mike's death, she and Ryan have come to church with me on Sunday mornings. It has been a blessing to have them there. I have witnessed to her several times and corresponded with email a few times. So many people have prayed for her salvation and as my Mom said, it was like getting ready for the birth of a new child.

This morning during the invitation, she looked around Ryan and asked if I would go with her. It was so precious!!! Lisa dealt with her. I could not help but think about the joy in heaven over this one soul!!

Lu 15:10 (KJV) Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.

Heaven is so real, and knowing that Mike is there in peace and security and able to be completely happy for this salvation is a blessing to me.

An Ode To Parents

2006-07-22T21:49:00.000-05:00

I found this on my computer. I must have written it a while back because of the hurt I felt for my bus kids. Just thought I would post it here.

An Ode To Parents

People rushing to and fro
With nothing on their minds
But things that matter, oh so little,
No peace or joy they find.

Crushing hurts and destructive habits
Their children must acquire,
While little less than wealth and power
Is gotten for their hire.

Little girls with broken hearts,
Boys with tainted lives,
Are laying at the feet of Jesus,
While parents ignore their cries.

Mom, don’t you hear them?
Dad, can’t you see?
Their ears long to hear,
“Child, you matter to me!”

What will it profit,
If you gain the whole world,
And lose those dear children
In one lavish whirl?

Please stop all your hustle
And open your eyes.
God gave you those children.
Thank Him for the prize.

It’s your job to teach them,
And give them some hope.
Trust only in Jesus,
“In Him” you can cope.

Lu 18:16 (KJV) But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

Good Days

2006-07-21T09:28:00.000-05:00

Lots has gone on in the last week. It seems that my situation is becoming a bit more stable. I hope to talk to Bro. Himes this week to firm up my employment status.

A couple of weeks before Mike died we had been to Andrea's house to work out some music. She had shown us her keyboard and how she could hook it up to her computer and print out music. She has been making a lot of arrangements and printing them out and her choir director from college is going to have them published for her. So she has been using it a lot.

One of the big reasons why having Mike for your accompanist was great was because of his abilities in transposing. He played mostly by ear but he also had the music theory down and understood why he was doing what he did. He understood chord progressions and all that it took to help him make these great transitions from one key to another. Lots of people have taken advantage of his skills in that area.

I would never have been a soloist but for those skills. I have loved every minute of it. But with his death, I am left to try to figure it out myself. It's not that I can't figure it out. I have just been too lazy. I, too, play by ear but played only in a few keys. So, therefore, I am limited by that.

I had decided that I wanted to try to get Mike a keyboard for his birthday. I thought that would have been so good because he could have used it to write out the music quickly for those who needed to have the notes. We got into situations like that many times in our trio. I looked forward to seeing his excitement as he wrote out all those songs. But, God had other plans. So, I finally made the decision that I would get the keyboard for myself and try to do some of this myself.

I got it yesterday. One of the greatest features for me is the "transpose" skill. I can still play everything in the key of C but transpose it to whatever key I want it in. I just need to figure out those neat things Mike did to get to the other keys.

So, I am spending some time working on the keyboard. There is so much to learn but this keyboard came with built in lessons and I also got a DVD that will teach me a lot. Sooooooooooo I am praying and working. Only the Lord knows what this will do for my future!!

Proverbs 16:9
"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps."

Aren't These Beautiful

2006-07-13T07:56:00.000-05:00

These are the beautiful flowers that Maleah sent me on my anniversary. God has blessed me with some very sweet children that are thoughtful and caring. THANK YOU, LORD!!!

And thanks to Lauren for taking the picture and emailing it to me. Here is a picture of Ryan and Lauren so you know who she is! She's a sweetie too!!

Psalm 127:3
"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

Please Bear With Me

2006-07-10T16:34:00.000-05:00

I just hate discouraging anyone and I really hope my posts are not depressing these days. I do believe I am now going through the valley right now.

Saturday was a sad day and yet I have so much to be thankful for. Ever so often I just feel like crying and I let myself do that. I know God made tears for a release of our emotions and I have never had a problem with doing that.

Today I went to Wal Mart to buy groceries. It is so different to go when you only have to buy for two.

I saw a mother with her three children buying school supplies and I remembered how stressful that time always was because we NEVER really had the money to do it but we went through the same ordeal every year. Each child had to have new clothes and new school supplies. I loved getting them, even though I knew that they were piling up in the basement. Each year we would have things that could be used the next year but there was just something about NEW school supplies that was so exciting.

I was cleaning out a closet and found my order form for ABeka school books when we were home schooling. That was an exciting time also. Those times seemed to last so long. I can remember thinking how old the children would all be when Ryan graduated. It seemed impossible that they would ever get that old. But sure enough....they did!!

I got a phone call from Dr. William Banton, one of Mike's customers. He is such a kind man. He was so concerned because Mike seemed full of life and so enchanting, as he put it. Most of his customers found him so. He would enjoy conversing as he tuned. He learned to observe the home and the surroundings and find a common interest. He was truly a remarkable man. For some reason, he found it easy to converse on a personal level with Drs, lawyers, engineers,musicians and teachers. Yet he was so insecure and humble. Once again, I am proud to have been his wife.

Romans 13:10
"Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law."

40 years ago today!

2006-07-08T13:52:00.000-05:00

I am so proud of the man I married!! Everywhere I look there are evidences of him.
Each night or every other night I spend time in the yard watering all the flowers he left behind. It is so peaceful out there.

His art is everywhere(including my favorite that is now in Grandma's junk room)!!

I can't help but think back at all the memories we made! I sure didn't think it would end so soon. We were just growing older but certainly not old. We were so comfortable. We were old enough to not worry about what the other one was thinking and yet still young enough to care.

Thank you Lord, for 39 years, 11 months and 29 days! I love you, Mike!!

Psalm 42:8
"Yet the Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life."

Update

2006-07-06T13:57:00.000-05:00

Well, today it has been exactly a month since Mike passed away. Sometimes I just wonder what he is doing up there and what wonderful things he has seen and heard. I don't really think that he thinks about us because that wouldn't probably be comforting to him. Of course, what do I know???? I'm thinking of him as he was before and I know that he would feel like such a failure to have left us to figure it all out.

God knew that I liked a challenge and there are certainly quite a few of those these days. I am trying to wade through the car insurance thing. I hate all those details and having to be so "up" on stuff so that you get what you need but not more than you need.

Grandma seems to be a little better these days. I thought that not too long ago and then she started in again, so who knows!! I stay ready to defend myself.

We had a situation on Monday that was a little comical but yet scary at the same time. In the early morning I heard Grandma call me and went running up to find her in the floor where she had scooted off the end of the bed. Because of her mastectomy so many years ago, she has no muscles to speak of in her left arm. Because of the arthritis behind her knees, she can't put a lot of pressure on them. So, how do you get a lady out of the floor under those conditions? Well, you have to roll an ottoman in behind her AFTER you have gotten her up on her knees....oh my....it is too much to go into but take it from me it was no easy task!

A couple hours later I heard a crash and ran up to find Grandma in the bathtub with her feet sticking straight up, holding onto the shower curtain, still on the rod that had bent almost double. Now, that was quite a sight. She had on her gown and robe and her sweat pants and panties were down around her ankles. We worked and worked and finally got her sitting up in the tub but she thought she should try to get on her knees so we worked on that a while. I love a challenge, as I said before but this one had no answer! I thought about it in every way I could think. Finally, I decided that there was no way I was getting her out of that tub. I dialed 911 and timidly told them I had an elderly lady down in a tub and not hurt(Gma insisted that I say that because she didn't want to go to the hospital) and needed help to get her out. Soon enough an ambulance showed up with two young guys and a girl. The two guys got in the tub and lifted grandma under her arms and under her legs and into a chair that we had brought in there. They then very kindly helped her to her recliner. They let us know that they were tax supported and that trip would not cost us anything. Transporting her anywhere would have cost. That was very kind of them to tell us. So grandma agreed that was the most excitement she has had in a while.

I worked the rest of the day getting a rail on the side of the tub and a seat to raise the commode for comfort for her. Hopefully we won't have another incident like that.

Tonight I am going over to Julie S. house. Her husband and older son are out of town tonight and so she invited Melinda and I over for supper.

Friday night, the guy who is buying the business comes to pick up the files and let me show him my bookkeeping system. I am very excited about that.

Next Tuesday, I will be going to the Blue Owl in Kimmswick for a luncheon for Jennifer Murr. She and her family live in North Carolina. She sang in my ladies trio and taught Maleah piano lessons and cheerleading. Tim, her husband, was Shawn's basketball coach and also taught Bible to the kids in high school. It will be good to see them again after all these years. I have many pieces of video of Shelby and Kaycee, their girls.

I have made it for one month so I'm sure in the next month things will smooth out and I will slip into a regular pattern. It will be good to settle again.

Psalm 37:23-26

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed."

Happy Birthday Mike

2006-06-29T08:49:00.000-05:00

Sixty-one years ago in Hot Springs, Arkansas, a boy child was born. They say he weighed 12 pounds!! He was a big one! I wish he was here so we could all hug him one more time but as I understand he has gotten more hugs and experienced complete love and peace now for several weeks. We miss him so much.

I took something to the mailbox again this morning and there was another purple morning glory. It's color was so beautiful. It reminded me of the book I'm reading where the man described going to heaven and said the colors were so brilliant that it was impossible to describe them in earthly terms. I just know that Mike and his dad both are enjoying that!! They so much enjoyed the beautiful things in this life.

Last night there was a storm. Just before it started I went out with Millie and I could look up and see a few stars and the clouds and the song that came to my mind was "How Great Thou Art"! It was good to sing that and pray a little as I heard the thunder rolling in.

I came up and went to my room and closed the door. I am so glad that the Houstons video taped the funeral. I watched Missy and Buddy and Andrea sing their songs again, watched the ensemble sing "In This Tomb" and watched a bit of Bekah and Spencers wedding and heard Mike play for me to sing my last solo. It was good to hear it all again.

After I watched the videos, I turned off the VCR and the TV came on. I have had no desire to watch TV since Mike died. I just flipped through the channels and was amazed at the way I looked at it all differently. There is so much sin and degradation on TV. I decided that I would turn the channel if there was even one indication of something that was against God's word. WOW.....that kept me changing channels for sure. Before, I used to think, "Oh well! That is just the way the world thinks about it and it is wrong but they just don't know truth!" That would appease my conscience and I would expose myself to ungodly thoughts. I don't want to do that anymore. I feel so much better without it!

I went to bed and the thunder was loud and the lightning was flashing. I couldn't help think that if Mike were here, he would want to open the blinds so he could see it all. I don't know what his fascination with stormy night skies was but he loved it. I hadn't been in bed long when the phone rang! It startled me but sure enough when I picked it up it was my baby boy checking up on Mom because of the storms. How sweet!! I really never have been afraid of storms. The kids were always a little anxious in stormy weather and would usually end up in bed with me. So that brought back sweet memories.

This morning, everything is so crisp and fresh looking. The birds are busy with their feeding and the squirrels are scampering around the yard. All is well! God is in control!

Psalm 30:5b
"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

Jasmine, Morning Glory, and Decisions

2006-06-28T11:06:00.000-05:00

Today is beautiful. I got a good nights rest. I didn't wake up at 4:30 which was a blessing. I slept right through until about 6:15.

Maleah came over last night and we ate Chicken Carbonara and she took the rest home for Ryan and Casey. (I kept one small bowl). We enjoyed our visit. Bless her heart, it took her over 2 hours to get home because of the traffic on Highway 44. I will be so glad when they get that road finished.

This morning I took some letters out to the mailbox and there was my first Morning Glory. It is so beautiful. It is a deep purple with reddish tints on the inside. I could just hear Mike saying..."You really can't even see purple flowers!!!" That's an inside joke. The first spring Grandma was here, Mike got mostly purple flowers for all his flower beds so Grandma commented that you just can't really even see purple flowers. She had to always make it look like Mike had made a wrong decision. I don't know what would have been wrong with just a simple "Those flowers are beautiful!!" Because they were!!! The purples were so deep it almost hurt your eyes to look at them.

The Jasmine is doing so good. It's smell is very strong and sitting on the porch is very pleasant. I am so glad that Mike put it in a pot so I can bring it in when the weather gets too cold.

Millie went out and sat on the porch with me a little this morning. She enjoys watching the birds and chasing the squirrels in the backyard.

I do believe that I have made one major decision: I am going to stay in my house!! My main reason for even entertaining the idea of a move was because of Grandma but I love my yard and the steps are not that big of a deal for me. Perhaps it would make much better sense to save the money that would be involved in purchasing a different house and let Grandma move if this is not going to accomodate her needs. I'm okay with that idea.

I'm excited to say that I have made a deal with another tuner to take Mike's business. I really feel like this man will do a great job. He has a lot of experience and some customers of his own. He is married and has a 2 year old daughter. I hope the best for him!

Psalm 40:1-3

"I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me and heard my cry.

He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.

And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord."

Good Day!

2006-06-26T18:54:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning at 4:30. I tried to go back to sleep but I just wasn't sleepy. I thought and thought about a lot of things that are going on. Then finally at 5:30 I just got up and started reading my bible. I read several chapters in Luke, several chapters in Psalms and a Proverb.

Isn't it weird how the devil makes us too much in a hurry to pray. Now that I have no one waiting on me to get up and cook breakfast....well, Gma does but she doesn't get up until 8:00, I can get up and take my time with the Lord. I find it so hard to force myself to pray. Isn't that puzzling. I can pray all day long off and on but when it comes to laying aside everything and getting on my knees and really carrying on a conversation with the Lord, it seems so hard to do. This is where I need to keep pushing myself.

My thank you notes are done so I was very relaxed. I watered the plants, got the garbage all out which included cleaning out the freezer that is no longer working.

I spent some time sitting on the front porch. Mike had planted some Birch trees in the front yard and they are so big now you can hardly see the house so the porch almost feels private. The birds are so cute as they twitter and jump into the evergreen bush at the corner of the porch. The Jasmine is blooming really good and smells delicious.

I gave up and got squirrel food and those little guys chewed up my plastic bird feeder and dropped it to the ground. That makes me so mad!!! Can't they just be thankful.

Around 9:30 I got a call from my friend Melinda. She wanted to know if I would like to come to her house for lunch. I accepted that invitation and my friend, Julie came and picked me up. We had a delicious Orange, Walnut and lettuce salad. It was very tasty and we also had little turkey sandwiches with cheese.

I never have been a "lady". I just never had time to visit and fellowship with other women. I always felt a little out of place. Usually I had things to do at home and I would really have felt bad to leave Mike at home. But, I really enjoyed this day. I think I could get used to being a lady. We visited for FIVE hours!!! Now that's visitation!

I am really tired now....I will probably sleep well tonight. Think I will go read some more. I love this peace and solitude.

My Sweet Husband!

2006-06-25T14:57:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day at church. Ryan and Lauren came and sat with me. Tabatha sat on the other side of me.

Several things were said that made me think about how sweet Mike was. One lady said, "I think of him every time I am playing the piano. When I pick out a song for offeratory, I think of him!" Another said, "The thing I liked about Mike is that he would actually talk to me!! Most of the men around here will not talk to me.!" She is a very attractive lady that comes alone because her husband doesn't come so I understand why most men do not talk to her. Mike talked to her because we knew her well. She sang in a trio with us for so long so Mike visited with her many times.

I was just thinking about how special Mike was. I never had a time when I didn't trust him. I knew his love was MINE and no one elses. BUT, he was very sensitive and he would tell me how sorry he felt for this woman or that woman. He would sit and talk to other ladies in the choir room and of course, he visited with ladies every day in his work.

I am proud of who he was, someone who cared and was not afraid to show it. He was also someone who was trustworthy and loved deeply. He was also one who was not afraid to hug his boys just as big as he hugged his girl. They will have to say that they KNEW their dad loved them.

It will take a while for us not to miss him in every service. He isn't in the choir anymore. He isn't playing for the children's choir. He isn't playing for many of the specials. He isn't there to count money on Sunday mornings.

I miss him so much but I went back to the choir this morning and it felt good to be there again. I haven't sung that much in the last few weeks but my heart longed to. Thank you Lord for music!!! I can't wait to hear it in heaven with Mike!

Heaven

2006-06-24T21:29:00.000-05:00

I have just been reading a book that a friend recommended called "Ninety Minutes In Heaven". It is the true story of a Baptist preacher who was killed in a car accident, pronounced dead at the scene and then returned to life. I so hope what he says is true about heaven.

It makes me want to praise God even more and thank him for taking Mike there!! I tried so hard to love him and for many years my love was enough to keep him from thinking about a lot of bad things but as we aged and accepted more and more responsibility he struggled with his thoughts of insecurity and anxiety. A lot of times I was so busy with the children. Grandma says I didn't let Mike be a father but the truth was, I knew how insecure he was about being a father and I struggled with making everything perfect. I didn't want the kids to be cranky or upset around Mike. I ran interference so that he could enjoy it.

But the book is talking about how much he felt loved and at peace. OH HOW I HOPE that is exactly what Mike felt. I can just see him there now without a care in the world being hugged by his Dad with a perfect body and no missing kneecap.

The book describes the music and how I want to hear it!!! I know if anyone enjoys it, Mike will!!! He always heard so much more than most people. He analyzed constantly the chord progressions. As he aged he quit really liking to listen to much music because he was lost in his own thoughts and he didn't want to go through the analyzing part. He was tired and distraught because he felt like such a failure and no matter what I said it made no difference. I would say "I love you!" and he would say "But I don't love myself!" He would apologize to me for such silly things. For instance he apologized because he was so slow at taking care of things around the house. If something broke, he imagined the worst and would put it off because he was just sure it would cost way too much to fix. I just can't even imagine how he must feel now to be free from that weight of condemnation.

The book talks about the fact that the author felt no remorse or hurt for leaving his friends and family and I am so thankful for that. I tried to shield him from so many things but he just couldn't keep from hearing and seeing things that went on around him.

I am faced with Grandma who now is telling me that I owe her so much money. She is determined that if it were possible, she would take everything and leave me destitute. I do not understand it. I have done nothing to deserve it. I want to do the right thing by her but it is obvious that NOTHING will appease her wrath. What do I do???

At least Mike is now far away from having to hear about his many failures! Before he died, she told me he was no good son and that she hadn't heard a kind word from him since she had been here. Now, he was some sort of angel that gave his life because I was to stupid to take him to a cardiologist. I just ran him to death.

She detested every time he played for a group or had to practice or counted money or sang in the ensemble. That church was just using him! But how he struggled to remain faithful to the Lord and his church in the midst of such cruel feelings.

We came to a place that we realized she could no longer stay out in the country alone. She had been working doing in-home care for several years and that had kept her busy but she was losing her ablility to walk very easily and had so many emergency visits to the hospital her friends were becoming anxious. I think they felt that we were shirking our duty. So, I told Mike that we HAD to go get her. I will never forget his response. "I don't think I can do it!" He had always had a "safe" place at home. A place where he could shut the door and do whatever he wanted to do without fear of condemnation. I had worked so hard to have it so, but when Grandma came that eliminated any safe place. If he came in early he had to worry that she thought he didn't do enough work. If he laid on the couch, he had to worry that she was going to think he was sick and begin a barrage of stories about who all had died with the very same ailment! It was a vicious circle.

I missed my husband then and I miss him now but I know he is finally all that he wanted to be!! Thank you, Lord.

When we decided to go get her,we talked about it and imagined that if she were here with us she would feel more safe and she didn't need to pay us anything, after all, we had raised three kids and they were just out of the house, we could surely absorb her expenses. We put up a bird feeder on her bedroom window, a little refrigerator in the room next door to hers, brought her microwave up and plugged in her coffee maker so she could have coffee any time she wanted. All went well for 6 months or so and all of the sudden she changed. It probably had to do with money. That is usually what she gets upset about.

During the time after Mike's death and before the funeral she talked to me like I was a dog. She accused me of so many things I can't even remember them. In front of the kids she spoke all this and kept everyone upset! I just can't help but be overjoyed that Mike no longer has to face this onslaught of foolishness.

But Lord, how will I take it? What should I do? I don't want to return bad for bad but I can't bear to hear the things she says. I would just love to get into a house that is adequate for us and live happily ever after. It looks like that is not going to happen. I don't think she is going to allow it.

How I miss you, Mike but how thankful I am that you are no longer under this pressure!!

Lord, give me grace!!!

A Trip To Big Lots

2006-06-24T07:48:00.000-05:00

I feel like a shopper now!!!! Yep, I took the stroll through Big Lots! Actually, I went to Shop n'Save to pick up a head of lettuce for my Gorditas that I fixed for Ryan and I and saw Big Lots looming large before me. I had a purpose. I prayed, "Lord, please let there be something in there that will work for my needs!"

My needs are for Grandma. She has trouble getting in her bed. We took the frame out and let the boxsprings and mattress sit on the floor but that made it too low and besides that, she needs that area under the bed to get her feet around the bed without tripping. So, then I put it back on the frame which made it too high again. I thought if I could find a utility stool of some kind maybe that would work. As I went through the store, searching every aisle, what to my wondering eyes should appear but Katie and Kelcee, who ran and gave me big hugs. So sweet!!! I love those bus kids. They informed me that they and their smaller siblings had made me a Bible box! You have to appreciate that those little ones are expressing their love for you and your grieving in the best way they know how. It was very uplifting because Katie had gotten mad at me one time and decided she wasn't going to ride the bus anymore but then had come back. Kelcee is usually there every Sunday. I still need to search my heart about the bus ministry. I loved doing it and it was the most rewarding thing I have ever done but it was very stressful physically with backaches and an ankle sprained MANY years ago that continues to act up now. I also found that recently I had been so tired from the all day visitation on Saturday and the early arising on Sunday morning that I could hardly grasp a sermon.

I have issues with Grandma also. She quit coming to church, she recently divulged to me, because no one was there to help her out and she was afraid she was going to fall and break a hip. The truth was, Mike counted money on Sunday morning which usually took about 30 minutes. All she needed to do was sit and visit with the other ladies whose husbands were counting money and then Mike would have helped her out but she wanted to go home and try to get lunch on the table early. I usually wasn't home before 1:30 to 2:00. She thought that was too late to be eating lunch and Mike wouldn't let her eat before I got home. I am thinking that maybe I can get her to come back and I think she would feel much better.

Well, back to Big Lots!! After I visited with the kids and their parents for a while, I made another run through the store, searching every nook and cranny and lo and behold, there sitting on top of a bin of close out items was a tiny square stool that was padded. It was tall enough to give a little height and yet short enough to push under the bed! AND........................it was on sale for $3.00!! I have to wait for Grandma to get up this morning to see if it worked. God's works amaze me sometimes!!

Psalm 42:8
"Yet the Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me and my prayer unto the God of my life."

Little Things

2006-06-23T09:25:00.000-05:00

Just a small thing, a website about St. Louis traffic and my mind goes back to the fact that I don't have to worry about that anymore. Mike used to call me between almost every piano and I would say "Yes, sir?"(I have caller ID so I would know who it was) He would always say...."I am not a sir!!!" But he was a "sir"!! He would usually want me to check with MoDot to find out what was holding up the traffic on Hwy 55 or 44 or 40 or 141 or 270. If you drive in St. Louis and you aren't familiar with that, you can go to MoDots website (www.gatewayguide.com) and you can see problems on a map. You can click on the icon for a car accident and it will give you details like when it happened, a basic description, which lanes are blocked and when they think it will be cleaned up. You can also see a "real-time" camera angle at major intersections in town. In the winter, I used to look on the cameras to see what the roads looked like up there. Sometimes we would be snow covered here but St. Louis would not have had anything. Usually it was the other way around.

Oh how I hated snowy days.....it was agony because you had made all these appointments, and we needed the money and the people certainly understood the conditions. It wasn't like we were delivering air for their iron lungs or anything but there was always pressure to accomodate those customers. It would be fun to have Mike home but he would worry and feel put out at himself for not making the effort.

So many things will change in the next few months. MoDot served it's purpose and I won't need it anymore. NOAA is not a place I want to stay anymore. Mike always kept up with the weather. I could never understand that. Why would you keep checking on it....can you change it. Of course, I understand that you need to be prepared in the case of an emergency but I just don't like to think about things before the time is right. I struggle with details.

Well, I must finish these thank you cards....I AM ALMOST THERE!!!!

II Corinthians 2:14
"Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place."

Loose Ends

2006-06-22T07:13:00.000-05:00

I have always hated loose ends. I like to quickly tackle problems and get them corrected so that I can get on with living, but this life I am now living will take a while to right.

There are so many questions about the future and yet I know that God does have a plan.

Will I get to stay in my house? Will Grandma and I ever get past the hurt and be able to live together? Should I stay in the bus ministry? What are the correct financial decisions to make? Will the business sell? Should I sell the house? Should I sell the car? What about Dish Network that only Grandma watches now?What bills can I bring down now since the business is no more?

There have been things that happened in the last two weeks that I constantly say, "Thank you, Lord for taking Mike!!" He was not a strong man emotionally and there have been several things that I can not imagine he could have gone through recently.

At times it feels a bit like Job but I remember the end and it was better than the beginning! So I press forward, knowing that my Heavenly Father knows all!

Jeremiah 32:17

Ah Lord God! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee:"

For Me!

2006-06-20T18:33:00.000-05:00

Psalm 27

The Lord is my light and my salvation: whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life: of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me,in this will I be confident.

One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and inquire in his temple.

For in the time of trouble he will hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me: he shall set me up upon a rock.

And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.

Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation,

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

Whose Birthday Came Yesterday??

2006-06-20T11:45:00.000-05:00

My sweet baby boy was 21 yesterday!! I am so sorry I didn't get around to giving him the "Tribute Blog"!!!

He has definitely been a blessing in our lives!! Dad loved him with all his heart and was very protective of him. When I would lose my cool with Ryan's irresponsibility and want to give him a piece of my mind, Mike wouldn't let me. Sometimes I slipped and did it anyway but Mike would shame me about it. I know Ryan will miss those periodic calls to warn him of pending disasters on the highway!

I remember so well when I realized that I was going to have another child. I knew instantly it was going to be a boy. I don't know why I knew that but I did.

He was completely different from the other two. Perhaps he was a "Bowden"!!! He was much more open with his feelings. Sometimes that was good and sometimes that was bad. I used to comment that there was no middle ground for him. He was either really happy or really sad.

He was my baby and was a "cuddly" one at that. All you have to do is look at all the family pictures to see that he was loved by all.

We had our times, didn't we Ry!! Remember all the belts hanging on the doors to get cooperation from you!!!

Remember when you came in that day and told me that you needed to ask Jesus in your heart? We kneeled at that big brown chair and you prayed your sweet little prayer. I remember your going out with your little bible and telling Steve and Jonathan how they could go to heaven. You were only 4 and already a soul-winner!

Remember those traumatic services at church...well, maybe you don;t but I do!!! You cried EVERY time I left you in the nursery or junior church until you were 5 years old.

Remember watching "Benjy the Hunted" over and over and over and over!! Remember the little toy dog collection I found at Aldi's that you played with and imagined all around my bed.

I remember the times you rode with me back and forth to pick the kids up from school when we knew every dog in every fence along the way.

I remember homeschooling. That was a trip!!!! Not sure we would either one want to relive that but there were some good things that went on. Especially when we video homeschooled. Remember our train trip to Texas. I think that was one of my favorite memories. Remember that I dropped my billfold as we were boarding the train and some old man found it and had it returned to me. Wasn't God's protection so real!!! Remember the sound of that train whistle as we jostled along in the night in our private sleeper car!!! So neat!!!

I remember the third grade forest project. Didn't we have fun with that one!! I still have that video of your resulting book report.

Now you are a man! I look forward to seeing what you do with your life. Remember I will always be praying for you and encouraging you to give everything to the Lord. Just remember Dad's funeral and that will help you. He did so many things in his life that caused him stress but he did them for the glory of the Lord. And wasn't it so evident how many lives he had touched by doing so. Please use him for an example of how to live your life.

I love you with all my heart!!! Happy 21st Birthday!!!!

Your life verse that you picked out yourself!!!

Philippians 3:10
"That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death."

Away So Long

2006-06-20T10:10:00.000-05:00

I didn't intend to stay away for so long. There have been so many things transpired in the last two weeks. To explain what happened with Mike, here is the story.

On Monday night, Maleah came to eat supper with us. This was not her usual night but since they had been in Florida for a few days she came over early in the week. I should have made some phone calls and gotten Mike some work in St. Louis but I wanted to visit with Maleah.

Mike assured me it was ok because he had a couple of pianos to do at church. So Tuesday morning dawned as usual. I got up and fixed his breakfast as he was getting ready to go to work. He left and at around 11:00, he returned with a bad backache. He has had so many aches and pains and most of the time it was worse when he was stressed and he was most definitely stressed that day. We were facing the big house payment with not much in the account towards it. Plus the many other bills and I had not been able to get to the calls quickly.

I tried rubbing his back for him and got him a couple of Ibuprofen. We sat on the porch a few minutes. He was still in pain. It eased a bit and we went inside. He sat down in his dad's recliner which he never usually sat in at all. He began to tell me the events of the morning when all of the sudden he grabbed his chest and said "It's starting again!" and his head fell over. My first thought was that he had fainted. I tried to wake him up....I ran and got a towel and wet it and washed his face. He never awoke. By then I realized this was too long so I called 911.

I really do see why people panic in these situations. It seemed like an eternity before the ambulance arrived. I could not remember my CPR and he was in the chair. I would have had a hard time getting him out. I tried blowing in his mouth and holding his nose but it would all come back out.

I knew that he was gone and the thought hit me that they MIGHT resucitate him. I was afraid he was going to be disabled in some way and I can think of nothing that would have been worse for Mike. He hated pain and discomfort and didn't ever want to have to be uncomfortable in front of people. So for that reason, I am thankful that God took him in such a fashion.

By the time the ambulance arrived, I was totally exhausted. I backed up to the steps so the ambulance people could work on him. I ran upstairs to get Grandma who had slept through it all.

I can't believe he's gone. It really hasn't soaked in yet how this is going to affect me in the future. I know that I will miss our sweet times alone, our trips to Ginny's after church on Sunday nights when it was just he and I and we neither one NEEDED the food, his tender touch, his yard work, his musical abilities and his artistry. My life was enriched by the joy and love he brought into it.

We didn't have a perfect marriage and I wish I could say that I had loved him perfectly but is that really possible? We were two completely different people that meshed together to make a team. I thought it was a good one.

I will always have the many memories of his music. He made it possible for me to sing solos. Because of his skills in piano, we had all those years of singing in different groups. I can't even imagine what it will be to try to sing with someone else. It was so easy to sing with him. He covered for me and if I ever made a mistake, he made up for it. I feel half of a person now!!!

I sang for all these years. Someone asked me one time how many songs I knew by heart....I can't even count them. There were always songs that I could pull out of my head and just start singing and Mike would follow me.

So many things in my life will be different. I don't know what the Lord has in store for my future but He does.

Sometimes I like to just think about what Mike must be experiencing now. I could get a little jealous. I imagine that the minute he drew his last breath, he experienced complete peace, complete relief from pain, perfect sight and hearing. I think that he must have seen his dad. He has missed him so much!!

I just hope the Lord allowed him to see the funeral and all the expressions of love that were shown. I know he thought he was a nobody! That was part of the character of who he was. He was an humble, godly man!!

So, now I begin a new chapter in my life, a little lost, a little confused but not in dismay. I know Who holds tomorrow and I know where Mike is. I have a wonderful family and there are great days ahead. I will learn how God can use me alone!! Thank you, Lord!!

Mike Cozart 6-29-45 - 6-6-06

2006-06-06T21:20:00.000-05:00

www.cozartpianoservice.com

Senior Moments

2006-06-04T22:41:00.000-05:00

How do I begin? I think I will relay the senior moment first. Grandma does not believe us tonight that it is Sunday night. She thinks it is Monday morning and demanded her coffee. YIKES!!

The day began for me at 5:30 as a usual Sunday morning. I took my shower and got ready and then went downstairs to fix breakfast. I fixed it for all three of us, covering Grandma's plate with the plastic cover. I can't really remember for sure if Mike took her breakfast up before I went to the church or not but I KNOW that she ate it because when I came home from the bus route, I had to change clothes and there was her tray with an egg plate that was all hardened, sitting there at the top of the stairs waiting for me. I brought it down and put it in to soak.

I tried Chicken and Dumplings for the crockpot today and it was very good. I finished up the meal and fixed her a plate of dumplings, slaw, corn, 2 crescent rolls and 2 pieces of cantaloupe and a glass of tea. I took it to her as we were about to sit down for lunch. She was up and coherent at that time and thanked me.

I was so tired. As soon as I got through with lunch, I got up and washed the dishes but never went up to get her tray because I wanted to take a nap. I was so tired and I just didn't feel like talking.

I got to bed about 3:15 and went sound to sleep, waking up at 5:05. Normally, we have been going to church for the 5:00 ensemble practice but now that Leah has moved away and we just sang last Sunday morning, there was no practice today. I forgot that we were supposed to be at church at 5:30 so I went back to sleep. Mike came up around 5:30. I just decided that since I was so tired and I was in the nursery tonight anyway, I would just take my time and get ready and go to the nursery and not sing in the choir. I never usually do that but I just felt I needed the time. I didn't tell Grandma what was going on because she was asleep anyway.

All went well. We had 9 children in the age category of 2-3 years in the nursery. That was quite a handful. When church was over, I went to the auditorium and sure enough, Mike was waiting on me there. I reminded him that I had the other car and would meet him at home.

When we got home, I let Millie outside and then came upstairs. The cellphone began ringing. I answered it. It was Grandma from upstairs.

To make a long story short, she had not known where we were. She came downstairs, tried to make her coffee and couldn't, so went back upstairs. She thought it was Monday morning and nothing was changing her mind. She thought she slept all night in her chair. She took all her medications AGAIN!! I spent quite some time trying to reason with her but she still thinks that she slept in the chair all night and that it is Monday morning. I had to fix the coffee.

I don't know what the next step is. I told her that I was taking the medicine. She would have been very upset at that but she has had plenty of Valium and Librax so she is happy. I'll be so glad to get her to the new doctor on June 12.

In other news, Bus 5 was number 1 today with 30. Bus 2,and 3 are sneaking up on us.

Meredith got saved today. She used to ride the bus when she was 4 years old. She lives at her Grandfather's house now. Her great-grandfather is a christian man and has been praying for his children and grandchildren for a long time.

I will have to say that Saturday and Sunday were both VERY tiring days. I would not have been surprised if no one had ridden my bus Sunday. God just needs to teach me that it isn't because of me that ANY ride!! I accept that!!

Prioritizing and Decisions

2006-06-01T09:44:00.000-05:00

I guess my worst fault is getting involved in so many things and having to make a decision about what to leave undone and what to finish. I just thought I would try to prioritize this day for my own help.

I've already cooked breakfast for Mike and Grandma and I, taken Grandma's up to her, eaten, gotten Mike off to work, talked to Shawn for a second, read his post, done my Bible reading and a little reading on one of my books.

Ahead of me lay several projects: making phone calls for the business; finishing posting the month of May, both invoices and deposits; posting the checkbook which is behind since the end of February so this will be several hours of work that I keep putting off; cleaning the kitchen from breakfast; cleaning out the refrigerator; attempting to repair the water dispenser (I have already printed out instructions on what to do, this project needs to be done quickly as we have no filtered water until it is done; mopping the kitchen floor, cleaning all three bathrooms, vacuming & dusting the whole house,making a trip to Wal Mart for bisquits and jelly for breakfast; getting supper fixed so that I can leave it for Mike while I go to the church for the rehersal of Bekah and Spencer's wedding at 5:00 PM; and I suppose that should wrap up the day. Intersperse that with the random phone calls and requests for errands from Grandma and letting Millie out periodically. You know, some days I just feel like I never accomplish anything. I know the reason is because the feeling of accomplishment comes when a job is finished and rarely do I ever get COMPLETELY through with a project. I need to learn to feel joy at small steps in a project!!

Now, as I sit here, still in my robe and not ready for the day at all, how do I prioritize this??? Well, maybe I need to get ready for the day FIRST!!!

I was reading the last chapter of Matthew this morning and I couldn't help but get a feeling of excitement at how the disciples must have felt to have known the deep discouragement of losing their Messiah to such a horrible death. And even though he had told them on several occasions that he would arise, I think they were completely surprised by seeing Him again. Can you even imagine the joy that arose in their hearts at seeing Him standing there in His glorified body and speaking to them once more!! Such hope we have that in the middle of our busyness we realize that the Lord could come back so quickly and we would behold Him, standing there before us, in His glorified body!! Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus!!!

Thief!

2006-05-30T08:52:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed how many THINGS can steal your time, joy and peace? Sunday morning, I was thinking how excited I was about getting home and getting busy MEDITATING on God's word, but alas, the THIEF!!!! Actually I suppose I should say THIEVES!

They come in many different forms! Mike decided to make an "executive decision" and up our Dish Network programming to the Top 180. OH NO!!! That includes the Hallmark Channel and all those old movies. I watched a good movie Sunday afternoon and all the time I was thinking that I needed to be reading my bible or resting. "...whatsoever is not of faith is sin!"

Then there is the computer. Even this blog can steal my time with the Lord. I can only justify it in realizing that this is giving me a place to go back to and see my spiritual progress.

I think that knowledge can also be a thief. I notice that some people lose thier humility as they acquire knowledge. I hope that the more knowledge I am exposed to, I can keep my mind fixed on how little that is in God's sight and that's where it comes from in the first place. Knowledge without wisdom is completely useless. I can't help but remember knowledge is what Satan challenged the very first woman with!

Lord, please help me prioritize properly!!

Proverbs 9:10
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding."

Memorial Day Update

2006-05-29T09:16:00.000-05:00

Today is going to be nice;no real pressure except laundry, meals and housework. Anotherwords, Mike is home! We are going to plant the Jasmine today. It has already had 4 blooms open on it and they are beautiful. The smell is not strong yet but I'm sure it will be in the future. I need to feed and water my rose.

It has been really hot the last two days which made for a sweaty visitation on Saturday. I signed up 5 more new children. They were not able to come this Sunday but should be on the docket for the near future.

Bus 5 was #1 again with only 23. Bus 3 was #2 with 22. I think the most of the busses were down very low because of Memorial Day celebrations.

The Lord is really working in my life to answer questions that keep popping up. We had Bro. Steve Currington in the services yesterday. (www.reformu.com) He has a very poignant testimony! I kept wishing that all three of my children were in that service.

I came away with this one statement: "God did not promise to bless BIBLE READERS, but he did promise to bless BIBLE MEDITATORS!!" Isn't that strange! Did I not post something about my thoughts concerning the verse, "Let the words of my mouth and the MEDITATION of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, Oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer." I am totally amazed at how God knits everything together to bring a person to the next level.

Don't have time to go into this in much more depth right now but I was challenged!!!

Tomorrow at 3:00, I will be recording my solo for the CD project. Hope that goes easily and well. I am praying that I can be in a place that God can use that song EVERY time it is listened to.

This Friday night at 7:00, Bekah and Spencer will be getting married. I am singing "All We Ask". It was because of Bekah's appeal, back in February of 2001, for someone to help she and Missy and Ryan on Bus 5 that I am in the Bus ministry today. I look forward to seeing what the Lord does in these two young people's lives.

John 3:27 "...A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven."

Up To The Minute News Broadcast

2006-05-25T07:55:00.000-05:00

Shawn made it to Australia safe and sound. You may read his blog for more info and pictures. www.shawn-c.blogspot.com

Who would have ever thought that I could have known immediately that his plane had landed safely. All that was necessary was a check of Quantas' website and an insertion of the flight number and day expected and they gave me expected arrival and then when they had landed it changed to that status. AND GRANDMA THINKS THAT COMPUTERS ARE BAD!!!!!

We got one recording done yesterday. Actually, all these years at Second Baptist, I have been in a ladies trio. I love three-part harmony. Recently, we had lost a member and gained a member but one of our ladies works in retail and it is so hard to get together anymore until we just quit trying. Mike was going to play for a duet which included Andrea Garber and Leah Black. I was waiting on Mike while they practiced and just suggested that they needed a third part so they let me join them for the song and it was a lot of fun. Leah has a beautiful, high voice so she gives the song that uplifting sound. You may hear the results at www.2ndbaptistchurch.com/music There you will find several songs. Ours is 03 Ladies Trio. We are singing "Blessed Assurance".

To explain, these recordings are the rough copy. There is still work to be done with the adding of other instruments. NEWS FLASH...Mr. Hollembeak removed the recordings from the website. He had not intended for anyone to listen to them until he was finished except for the purpose of the artist making changes. I sure wish I had understood that.

Today we record the Mixed Ensemble. We will be singing a medley of "Hallelujah! What A Savior"/"Nothing But The Blood"/"I Know A Fount"/"I Stand Amazed". I love singing with this group because it has people who are strong and confident so you can really put everything into it.

On next Tuesday, I will record my solo, "It Is Well With My Soul". Mike has a piano solo and will be accompanying the Children's Choir so we still have a bit more to go.

Music has always been such a wonderful part of our lives. I can't imagine having lived through my life without that comfort! I started singing as a young child when my father first began his ministry. My brother and I sang many duets. When I went to college I was in a ladies trio. After I married a man who could transpose, I was able to sing solos. All through our married life, I have sung in a trio. I love to just harmonize. I enjoy seeing God work through music. So many times I have sensed the Holy Spirit as He took a song and breathed life into it and ministered to different people. What a blessing to be able to see that happen.

Psalm 104:33 "I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being."

Angelic Protection

2006-05-24T09:52:00.000-05:00

I forgot to relate the first incidence of angelic protection this week. On Monday, as we were on our way to the orthopedic doctor for grandma's steroid shots in her knees, we were traveling down Hwy 55 with lots of traffic when I noticed a deer on the side of the road 3-4 car lengths ahead of us. Sure enough he started across the road, was hit by a car three ahead of us on the other side. That threw the deer into the air and it landed in the middle of the road but scooted under the car just ahead of us which had pulled off to the shoulder. We followed onto the shoulder and as they pulled on over the deer, we were stopped right at the body. I had to go around the body which had ended up on the shoulder. I ended up in the grass to go around and safely made it back into the heavy traffic. So many things could have gone wrong in that situation but God was with us and saved our lives one more time!!
Grandma was not even upset but has told a couple of times that I hit the deer.

Thank you, Lord, for your protection!!

Birds, Flowers and Sore Muscles

2006-05-24T09:11:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was an eventful day. Grandma and I took ANOTHER trip to St. Lukes to visit with her Cancer specialist and get her mammogram. She has been very irritated at the thought of using a wheelchair but after I gave her no way out, we made it just fine. The only problem is that I parked in the parking garage on a slight incline. So, when we started down to the door, I had to hold onto that wheelchair with all my might to keep her from going lickety split down the hill. So, this morning I am dealing with some pulled muscles in my shoulder. AH YOUTH! (How we long for it!)

The birds are so much fun to watch. We have three feeders right outside the living room window in a tree. I just enjoy watching the song sparrows with their little bright red heads, the cardinals, doves, goldfinches, robins and other sparrows. Every morning they are all a-twitter!

AND, this morning my first Jasmin opened. It is so pretty. I have got to get it settled in a pot with a trellis. I have to keep getting those little tendrils from around the chairs and the violets and the tv.

I am now reading one of the books that I got with my gift certificate from Shawn. It is another book by Jay Adams called "Solving Marriage Problems". It is a small book but from what I read has much good information to glean. I am now reading in Chapter 3 and here is an excerpt:

"In this and the following chapters I shall discuss some of the proximate causes of marriage problems. Obviously, the basic cause is always sin. But sin manifests itself in two ways: in erroneous concepts and in sinful attitudes or practices. In all cases error must be replaced by truth, and sinful practices must be replaced by a new lifestyle that is pleasing to God. Often evil practices grow out of erroneous ideas, though not always."

I almost forgot to relate the incident that happened upon our return from the doctor yesterday. Grandma had not had lunch and was getting hungry before we got home yesterday afternoon at around 4:30. She had heard me tell Mike we were having hamburgers for supper. She does not like my hamburgers although Mike LOVES hamburgers with a big onion, tomato and pickles on it. I make french fries and this is one of his favorite meals though it is a quick one.

Grandma had tried to shame me for cooking him something like that for supper after his hard day at work!!!(truthfully, she didn't want them) She decided that we should try some barbeque. I told her about a place I had seen on bus visitation that someone told me was a good place. So, we stopped there and decided to get three different plates, ribs, beef and pork. Each one had potato salad and cole slaw and Texas toast. When we pulled into the garage, out came Maleah. I had forgotten that she was coming over. She and Casey are leaving tomorrow night with Dave and Katie to make a trip to Florida. They are picking Shannon up and going to Dave and Katie's timeshare condo. So, Maleah came over to visit one more time before the trip.

Well, there we were with only three plates. So, Maleah and I left to go get her a plate. The plates we got had been in styrofoam carryout containers and they had wrapped them in foil. When we got back, Grandma had put those styrofoam plates in the oven to warm them up. They had, of course started melting. She got them out and cleaned up. She had also turned the heat on in the house and it was up to almost 80 degrees in there. WHEW......I had already ridden for almost two hours with windows up. Every thread of my clothes was wet and I couldn't believe it when I came into the warm house. Another incident of angelic protection! She could have set the house on fire with those styrofoam containers!!!!

Lots To Catch Up On

2006-05-22T22:37:00.000-05:00

Seems like a lot has happened in the last week. Let's see...well, first of all, Maleah and I cancelled our planned trip to the family reunion in Texas this past weekend. There are so many things going on with Grandma that I don't really feel comfortable leaving her alone with Mike. She has fallen a couple of times lately and it really isn't easy getting her up.

Saturday was a good visitation day. I spent some extra time visiting with one of the teen girls and I love doing that. Also, a sweet mother that has really had some experiences in her young life needed a hug and someone to talk to. She is precious and it is very evident that God is working in her life.

Then Sunday was a beautiful day! I was surprised to have 28 on the bus with two first time visitors. Meredith brought a friend and Pookie brought his aunt who is only a year older than himself.

The church service was good but for the first time in quite a few weeks, there were no moves during the invitation. Bro. Himes looks so defeated when that happens. Many of the new christians were there and accounted for in the morning and we did have visitors.

Today, I took Grandma to the doctor to get shots in her knees. I borrowed the church wheelchair and it was really needed. She moves so slow these days and it is very dangerous to say the least, since she is so weak. Maleah went to Red Lobster with us and I got to get my favorite meal!!! Aztec Chicken with broccoli, squash and carrots, baked potatoe with sour cream and butter, a caesar salad and garlic bisquits and iced tea. YUMMMMMMMMMMY!!! I ate every bite!(yep potato peeling and all-I love the way they soak their potatoes in salt water!)And btw, it was the lunch menu so the portions were not large.

Tonight we went to the church to practice with a trio. Our church music director has decided that all the special music people will record a CD there at the church to give away for those that come to the Christmas Cantata. So, we have lots of practicing and hard work to do extra this week. I'm sure it will be fun and I think it is a great idea to give them away. It is going to be of all old hymns with no more copyright laws applicable. We need extra prayer for this week.

Tomorrow, I will be taking grandma to St. Lukes for her mammogram which she hasn't had done for 2 years now. We have to first go to the Breast CAre Center and have the mammogram done and then go to the doctors office and have him look at it. Thank goodness I have the wheelchair available to me again!

The most exciting news is that Shawn is flying out tomorrow night from Tampa, on his way to Sydney, Australia. He will be gone for 3 1/2 weeks on his job. I wonder if he will meet "The Crocodile Hunter"???? or if he'll come back with an accent!;)
We look forward to seeing lots of pictures and hearing lots of exciting stories.

In my book reading, I ran across a sentence the other day that caught my eye. This is in "Introduction To Biblical Counseling" by John McArthur and Wayne Mack. The sentence was this..."Furthermore, he gave his nationwaide audience the clear message that he has no real confidence in the Holy Spirit's power to immediately transform a person's heart and behavior." Now....that caught my eye. In context it didn't but it rattled my mind a bit. I do remember when we definitely agreed that God could do a miraculous work in a man's heart. My dad strongly preached as a young, vibrant pastor that "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things are passed away, behold all things are become new." And you know, we believed it. But as time has passed and psychology has had its foothold in society, we have begun to believe that it isn't really possible anymore. We have been disillusioned and discouraged. We have seen too many people accept Christ and then fall by the wayside. We haven't really seen too much miraculous changes made. Is it that the conversions we see are man-made? Is it a lack of discipling? I want to know more about that. The Bible does say that Christ makes a difference in a man's life. More study is needed!

2Ti 3:16 (KJV) All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

Bus 5 is #4!!!!!!!

2006-05-15T09:51:00.000-05:00

Wow......Bus 5 could be found battered and bruised on the side of the road yesterday!!! We only had 20! Bus 1 was #1 and they deserved it. They had 23 and they have been working so hard to build that route up. Bro. Chronister does a great job with that. Bus #3 and Bus #6 also had 21 each. So it was a good day for all!

We also had two visitors. Pookie, who came last week, brought his mother and his little brother Logan(6 months old) with him. Renee is very young. She is not married to the father. Their father is from Thailand and he went back home for a couple of weeks shortly after I first visited with them. He is back now. I asked Renee if she wanted me to take her to the Bykota class, which is an all ladies class or if she thought Nook would be coming with her and would rather be in a couples class. She said that he was a bit confused in the religion area these days. He had gone back to Thailand on that trip to become a Buddhist monk but she thinks he just did that for his grandmother. I told Bro. Himes about it and hope that maybe he can make a visit there and help this couple out.

Mothers Day was very uplifting for me. Ryan came to church and surprised me! That was such a blessing. We got to spend a little time with him as he went to eat with us at "Ryans". I tried to get him to ride the bus with me on the trip home but he declined. Someday maybe he will do that again. I have kids ask me about him a lot!

Maleah did the unthinkable!! She bought me a dress! That is hard for me to do but she did it and the dress really did fit!!! I am impressed! It was a beautiful dress and fit all the criteria. It is washable, no slits, not tight, not revealing in any way. It is a perfect, summer, dressy, comfortable, dress that can be worn on the bus. THANK YOU!!!! She is quite a girl and I feel very lucky to have her.

When I got home after church and going out to eat, I checked my email, as I usually do immediately upon entering the house, there was an email from Amazon.com to let me know that Shawn had gotten me a $30 gift certificate there. What a good idea!!!! That's where I have been getting my books for the counseling course and there are a few more to get so I really appreciate that. Shawn also called and talked a while and that was a blessing.

On Saturday, Mike took me to Bayers where he let me pick out a Madagascar Jasmine! I can't wait to get that situated. It can be an indoor plant or an outdoor plant. It is a vine and has beautifully fragrant flowers that are used in bridal bouquets a lot. I'm excited to see what it does for us.

I love motherhood. I waited so long to be that and I would say that I wasn't disappointed. There are a lot of ups and downs in it but the ups FAR outweigh the downs.

Church was good yesterday and Bro. Himes was able to baptize another couple with 5 children and a young boy from a family that has been coming as long as I can remember on the busses. One by one the children have gotten saved. One of the girls went to the Academy last year and I have watched her growing. Yesterday was special as we even saw the dad in church for the very first time. God is working in that family!!! Believe me, there was a day when many people would have said it is an impossible situation but little by little the Holy Spirit has been able to use the bus captain of that route to minister to this dear family.

Well, I must face my day!!! God is good!

Tristan

2006-05-14T06:59:00.000-05:00

Just thought of a little incident that happened yesterday and wanted to post this so I don't forget.

I guess I should start with last week. The bus was totally out of control. I could hardly get their attention and we ended up not singing very much at all. Tristan and his two brothers were sitting in the back and I had told him several times to please settle down. Now, I must explain. He and his two brothers are rough kids. They are very loving with one another but they express it in wrestling. MANY times they get on the bus and they are continuing a wrestling match that was started at home.

I love those boys. Jordan is the oldest. I have mentioned him before. He has been riding the bus long before I started 5 years ago. He was the one that made me think I might not stay but through the years we have become very good friends. I told about his getting saved a couple of years ago and how he commented that he was scared about that.

Cayden is the baby boy and he is such a joy. He is very loving and LOVES to talk!!

Tristan is a sweetheart but the roughest of them all. Last week, after I had asked him to settle down a number of times, I finally bent over and took his face in my hands and said,"Tristan, you know that Mrs. Cozart loves you so much, but if you do not mind me and settle down now, you are NOT riding this bus next week!" He quietened and all was well.

Yesterday, when I went to their home, Jordan met me at the door and told me they wouldn't be going today. Tristan stuck his head out and said "Mrs. Cozart, I prayed today! I'm going to pray tonight too!" I said, "Well, Tristan, that is wonderful. Isn't it nice that we can always talk to Jesus!" He agreed and I waved good-bye as I left.

Once again I'm reminded that I never know exactly what God is doing in a little heart. My job is harder and harder as I get older and burdened with back pain and loss of hearing. My patience is wearing thin. I still love those children but it is harder and harder to concentrate on the good instead of focusing on the bad. Lord, please help me not to overreact!

Mt 19:14 (KJV) But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Happy Mothers Day, Mom!

2006-05-13T20:01:00.000-05:00

Exodus 20:12
"Honour thy father and thy mother that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."

Tomorrow is the day that we give honour to a person that has been the most instrumental in helping us become the person we are. I want to make sure that my mother knows that I love her and appreciate all she has done on my behalf.

My first recollections of my mother were things like: her standing me up on the kitchen cabinet to point out morning glories to me, standing me on the table to teach me the song "A Sunbeam", cooking me sugar toast with that hard glaze over it that was so good and us eating it in front of the gas stove on my little table. These things took place before I was 5 years old.

I remember our move to Springfield, after mom and dad had committed their lives to Jesus Christ and dad had surrendered to the ministry. Things were much harder financially than I ever dreamed, I am sure. My mother was very good at keeping us fed. I had no clue that we were poor. I remember the yeast rolls she made occasionally.

I remember her prayer for a piano so that she could teach herself how to do church music since she was going to be a preachers wife. She did that quite well and still to this day plays the piano in church, I believe.

I remember her studying for her Sunday School class when she taught at High Street Baptist. She was still a baby christian herself. One time she taught her lesson to us. It was flannelgraph and we loved it.

I remember when we were in Springfield that she sat up nights for a while and sewed doll clothes for a Betsey Wetsey doll for me for Christmas.

I remmember a rubber band fight the whole family had on Sunday afternoon.

I remember when Mom would set down with us and watch "The Real McCoys". That was the only TV program that I ever knew her to watch.

I remember many mornings getting up to find her studying her Bible. I remember the "Springs In The Desert" devotion book she read when she first got saved.

I remember that she really never had a lot of clothes. She made most of them herself, including our clothes.

My mother was a very concientious person. I have never known her to waste anything.

I have seen her open her home to people who needed it, including one friend of my brother's who lived with them for over a year.

My mother never felt talented in the hospitality area and yet over and over she prepared meals for visiting preachers and missionaries and submitted to the stress it always caused her because of her feelings of inadequacy, to care for their needs.

My mother was the most consistent person I know in the discipline area. She taught me to never make excuses, to work diligently, and to put Christ first.

Mom, I am so sorry I won't be able to be at the reunion but I will be thinking and praying for you. Thank you for all you have done to make me who I am. I love you!!!! Hope you have a very Happy Mothers Day!

Another Trip To The Hospital

2006-05-10T10:15:00.000-05:00

Grandma has been having a rough few days. Yesterday, her blood pressure went over 200 on the top again and she panicked. She first thought she should go to Jefferson Memorial but after getting ready she changed her mind and again we made the long trip to St. Lukes.

She took her Valium before we left and by the time we got there her blood pressure was once again low enough to be considered normal. They questioned her if she had anymore symptoms and she did not. The put her in the express room and took her blood pressure a couple of times. The intern talked with her and then they sent her home again.

I really don't understand why we must go to the hospital every time. She realizes that once she takes the Valium, the pressure comes down. The girl that was taking her information asked her what she wanted them to do for her. She explained that the emergency room was no place to regulate the pressure. If it was high, they could administer medication to bring it down but there was nothing they could do for her if it was already normal.

Much prayer is needed. She needs to be able to get involved in something to get her mind off her physical condition. I could not suggest something because it would not be well taken. I sometimes wonder if the fact that she is here with me causes all this anxiety. Maybe she would feel better in a home where total strangers took care of her. That way she could get the undivided attention she so desires and they would not know the past history of her complaints.

The fact that she is so evidently a hypochondriac, makes it extremely hard to know what to do. I ran across a self-test for Hypochondria the other day. Check it out at www.uib.no/med/avd/med_a/gastro/wilhelms/whiteley.html It sure seems to me that she is a classic case. I feel sorry for her and I wish I knew what to do but I don't think like that so it makes her feel like I am completely stupid and she is in grave danger. Do you feel my pain!!!!

Psalm 143:8
"Cause me to hear thy loving-kindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee."

Dark Days AND Sunny

2006-05-09T07:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I am a little late with this post! After a good day of visitation, Bus 5 pulled ahead to #1 spot very slowly with only 28. Two of those were new people.

Pookie was one of the first timers. His father is from Thailand so his mother has chosen to give him a cute nickname instead of calling him by his full name. We can all be thankful. No way could I say it! He is only 4 years old and was such a cutie. He really enjoyed Sunday School. His parents are supposed to ride the bus with us next week. They also have another baby boy that is under a year old. I'm praying that they will hear the wonderful news of the gospel and make a decision for Christ.

The other first time visitor was a teenage girl. The devil was working in a big way on the bus and in church and I am afraid that she was very distracted. Of course, you never know what a person comprehends. I can only pray.

I was exhausted by the time I got to church which makes it very hard to concentrate on the sermon. My mind kept going back to the different problems that had occured on the ride in and getting children to classes. My back was also hurting and I had taken Ibuprofen for that so I struggled to keep my eyes open. Finally I decided that I would pray and force my mind to concentrate on the many good things I could see right there in that congregation. It was such a refreshing! There was Angela and Darrell, saved so many months ago, struggling but still coming sporadically. I need to keep praying for them. Then Buddy had told me that the neighbors they have been witnessing to for several months, that came a few Sundays had come over on Saturday night and Bro. Himes was able to win them to the Lord! Hallelujah!! They came forward at the invitation with their 9 year old girl who also accepted Jesus and were baptized. Another elderly gentleman that had been saved on Thursday night visitation also came forward and was baptized.

Remember the little one that got saved last week. I questioned whether he even understood it at all. He is 9 years old also. It didn't seem to be that important to him. On the way in to church my cellphone rang. When I answered it, it was Mikey's mom. (the one that got saved last week) She wanted to know what time the baptizing was. I explained that it was after church but that he really needed to be in the service. So, she brought him at the end of the service and sat on the front row and watched him be baptized. It was amusing because after Bro. Himes had baptized the other four, everything got quiet. Then you could hear on Bro. Himes microphone, Mikey was saying "I can't! I'm scared!" Finally, after a little reasoning, Bro. Himes lifted him over into the water and quickly did the baptism. That was quite a face on that one when he came up but it was done!!! Hopefully, he will never forget it. He lives in a divided family but has quite a few encouragements. Perhaps he will be the next Hudson Taylor or Kyle Guimon!!! Who knows!

We went to church last night with Maleah in her new church, Mt. Zion Baptist Church of St. Clair. (www.mzbc.org) It was a pleasure to watch her singing in the choir and going to church regularly. Finally got to meet all the friends she has made since being there. I felt like I knew them all already.

My counseling books have led me to another book by Bro. Adams called "What To Do On Thursday". It is a wonderful little book that is explaining how to get better acquainted with God's word so that you can put it in your heart and be able to make scriptural decisions about confusing issues. I would recommend it to anyone. His point is that instead of memorizing many scriptures out of context, it is better to be familiar with God's word and what is contained there so that you know where to find what you need. He takes each book of the New Testament and gives a synopsis of what is found there. I am anxious to get started with his plan for comprehending it all. By the way, if you are interested, I went to Amazon.com and got the book used. With shipping, it was only $10.00.

Psalm 119:11
"Thy word have I hid in mine heart; that I might not sin against thee."

April Showers Bring May Flowers

2006-05-01T06:44:00.000-05:00

That's what they always told us. We have had flowers for a while now. We have also had plenty of showers lately.

I went with Mike Friday out to Crawford County and a lady gave us the cutest little flowers. They are called "Johnny Jump Ups". They look like miniature pansies. Evidently they are very prolific. Can't wait to see them outside.

As for Bus 5, we are in another slump. We went through a time like this last year at about this same time. I looked back on some correspondence I had written to a couple of children I thought I was losing. It was on May 9 so maybe it is the time of year. I remember I was really discouraged and Satan waged a real war against us. I was ready to give up then and I am ready to give up now. BUT WAIT.....I came to a place to realize that MY works were being challenged last year. When self gets in the way, we begin to see times like this as rejection. That's a sure sign that "I" is sitting on the throne. I refuse to let this get me down. I need to stay on my knees and learn to let go. Don't you wonder how Jesus felt (of course He was God and that would make things a little different, but, within His humanity) when the Jews, His chosen people, rejected Him?

We had 22 onboard yesterday and no visitors. The crowd was very unruly and I was ready to quit when I got off. Those children realize when an adult is a little irritable, I think. One little 5th grade boy was brought into "
Big Church" and made a profession. But I am a bit concerned when I questioned him about it on the way home and he had no idea what I was talking about until I really pressed him. I worry about things like that.

On a brighter note. We had two young couples that joined the church yesterday, one set by statement and one by baptism. Also, one of the mature young couples only child, Jakob, who is 5 years old was baptized. Last night we had the Lord's supper and I could see Jakob and Leah, his mom. When we got the piece of unleavened bread, she whispered in his ear and when we got the juice she did again. I knew what she was doing. I remember doing the same thing to my children. I wanted them to understand how important this ordinance of the church is. I wanted them to be thinking about Christ's body that was broken for my sins and His blood that covered that sin. I wanted them to be aware of the sacrifice that He gave so willingly so that they could have eternal life. It was a sweet time.

I also couldn't help but remember when I, too, was baptized at the young age of 6. It was a special time in my life. Little did I know how much growing there was to do.

Hebrews 3:12-14
"Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God,

But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the dceceitfulness of sin.

For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end."

What A Day

2006-04-29T20:44:00.000-05:00

It's been a dreary day for bus visitation. I had to wear a jacket and met with MANY children who were either not going to be at home tomorrow or were going to parties tonight and wouldn't be up. It is very discouraging at times.

It's hard not to take it personally when you see that some are losing interest. It's at those times that I have to realize that there is a much bigger plan than my being able to keep all these kids interested in church. It is very hard for me to not go beyond what God expects. Sometimes I feel pressure that I have to be faithful. These children are watching me and I'm afraid that if I don't visit them each Saturday and show an interest that they will connect that with God's care for them and become discouraged. This is the problem I have encountered with the children I have lost to the other church. I don't want those children to think that I don't care about them and yet I don't trust the other people from the other church to continue to be faithful to them. This is a very hard learning experience!!

Tonight I heard a dreaded sound. I was busy cleaning the kitchen when all of the sudden it sounded like thunder downstairs. I knew that Grandma had probably fallen. I threw down my broom and ran as fast as I could up the stairs only to find her between the bed and the dresser, flat on her back. I have dreaded that one. Because of her mastectomy so many years ago, she can not raise that arm very high. She has no muscles to speak of in her legs and her knees are in pain so we were at a loss as to how to get her up. After about twenty minutes AND A LOT OF SWEAT, we finally got her up. Evidently she didn't have any bad consequences but I would not be surprised if she has several bruises. She was in good spirits and was surprised that we heard her. LOL.......I thought the house was falling!!!

Another Hospital Visit for Grandma

2006-04-27T15:57:00.000-05:00

When my ears are dulled,and my eyes are weak,
When my memory's gone,and my bones, they squeak,
Help me, Lord, to trust in Thy loving care,
May Your love for me each day I share.

Lord, it's hard when we're old, and our bodies shake,
To remember You with each breath that we take.
Our needs may be great and our usefulness deplete,
But abiding in You makes our life complete.

The days are few 'til these feet step ashore,
In that place You've prepared where we'll live evermore.
So keep me aware that with each little pain,
My body is destined for a much higher plain!

I took Grandma to St. Lukes Hospital last night about 11:30. Her blood pressure was elevated to 211/100+. Of course she was concerned as she realizes that is stroke or heart attack level.

This will be the third time this has happened since she has been with us and the same thing happens. Once we get to the hospital, her blood pressure levels. They check her out thoroughly and decide that she is ok. The other three times they kept her for a couple of days. Last night she was asking to go home as soon as she got there. She had taken some Valium and Librax before leaving the house. On our way home at 4:15 AM she was feeling great that she was going home to get warm. This morning the blood pressure is elevated again so a call has been made to the doctor. She insists that he HAS to give her more medicine to take care of this before the night.

The doctor hasn't called back yet to my knowledge. Only yesterday he instructed me to take her medicine and make sure she was getting the correct dosage each day but that was met with GREAT DISDAIN!!! Another words "that isn't happening!" So, for now, I have my hands tied behind my back. I have no answers, don't know what to look for if she needs emergency care and even if I did it would not be well accepted by her.

Lord, she is your child! I ask for wisdom.

Reflections on Aging

2006-04-24T09:00:00.000-05:00

I see a change in my life in the next few years. Things are going downhill for Grandma. She rarely leaves her chair except for her beauty shop visit once a week and for the doctor visits. Of course, with her lack of activity she experiences pain in her joints when she does get up. She is never warm and keeps her room so hot that it makes a person nauseous to walk in there.

Having always been a critical person, she has not slowed down with that at all. It has accelerated since now nothing tastes good, she doesn't feel well and her system is slowing down in every area.

She spends much time trying to keep her blood pressure, pulse, weight and bowels regulated. Actually, that is pretty much the extent of her day.

The TV stays on most of the time but she is usually sleeping except for the times that I bring food up.

Every morning I bring her up a pot of coffee, a fried egg, bisquit & butter and some jelly. Some mornings I fix gravy since that is her favorite. At lunch, I usually just let her eat whatever she wants out of her little refrigerator. For supper, she gets whatever I have cooked and usually, I didn't cook it quite good enough. It is either too tough, not done, or some other complaint. I have quit trying to please since Mike is well-pleased and she is dealing with the demise of her taste buds and some problems with her teeth.

This morning, I had to Spray and Wash the front of one blouse of hers because she had spilled mustard all over the front.

I find little bits of rolled up, dirty pieces of toilet paper in the bathroom, messes around the commode with the toilet brush which I detest. Those things are NASTY!!! I would much rather clean the toilet with my hand so I can get it REAL clean. My hands are washable!!!

We had to get a new coffee maker recently since she had spilled water all down in the old one and it quit working. The new one is a little more modern and she had a hard time trying to get it figured out. She thought I should take it back. I told her I would just take it downstairs and bring it up to her each morning. That has worked well.

I'm sure things will get worse in the future. I just had to think about it this morning, as I was cleaning the front of that blouse that my life seems like it is going backwards. After those years of poopy diapers and spills and messes, now we are reverting back to SOME of those things again.

One thing we have figured out. WE ARE SIXTY YEARS OLD!!! The days of listening to Grandma for advice(even though it was not asked for) are quickly leaving us. We have already made those decisions ourselves.

I couldn't help but be amused when I realized that we, too, will be eighty, should the Lord tarry His coming. AND the world will have passed us by too. And that will be a good thing. It would not be good for our children if the world stayed static!

I was thinking about the people that came over to settle this country. It was years that each generation could have passed down valuable information about survival! Just as the Bible has prophesied, knowledge has increased at such a rate of speed now that the advice I would have to give to my children would be laughable. I'm sure their world will be much more technological than we have now.

BUT the only thing I will have to give my children is a Spiritual heritage. That is something that I can continue to grow in until death. I can continue to worship and praise the God of creation. I can try my own faith and share that with my children. It is my job to continue on this journey, full of faith and a desire for more of God's will so that I can share that until death.

I want my life and my death to be an encouragement to others in the faith!!!

These will be verses that I can cling to for the future:
II Corinthians 12: 9-10
"...My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then am I strong."

Bus 5 is #2!!!!!

2006-04-24T08:44:00.000-05:00

It finally happened and I am so glad that Bus 3 was the one that did it. We were down terribly yesterday. We had 25 and 2 first time visitors. But, Bus 3 has been working really hard and they beat us by one! I am sure those kids were very excited. Every Sunday the children in Junior Church get to hear how many rode the bus and which bus won and we usually do win. So, it's not very exciting to the rest, I'm sure. So, I praise the Lord that those children got to experience that excitement and maybe they will work harder to get more to church with them.

The reasons for our demise were many! One thing that took 3 regulars was the opening of Six Flags. There may have been more that went but I wasn't aware.

Another thing that took some was just plain laziness and a beautiful day. This weekend was very nice except for the storms on Sunday afternoon and evening. Saturday and Sunday morning were just beyond beautiful. So, some stayed in bed.

Others went to the other church. We have lost approximately 10 to the gentleman that is trying to build a youth class at a small church. I saw several of the children out riding their bikes Saturday. I really miss those little guys! I gave them hugs and bubble gum and one of them said "Mrs. Cozart, I might come to your church next Sunday!" I told him and his aunt that he should not do that. I tried to explain that there were Sunday School teachers preparing lessons for his class and they were trying to teach him something. If he misses Sundays, he might miss something really important. SO....he needs to make a choice. If he likes the other church better then he needs to continue FAITHFULLY to go there and listen.

That really hurts to say that because we had seen one of the girls get saved and several had been showing some interest in spiritual things. The one family of three had never gone to church before so I guess we should be glad that we could encourage them to start. Perhaps the smaller church can give them more one on one attention. I just pray that they will all experience a salvation that is real and thriving.

We are not discouraged! I visited with six new children last week and expect that they might come in the near future. This is God's ministry, not mine and He, alone knows what is happening in the background.

Praise the Lord for His faithfulness!!!

Quick Update

2006-04-17T08:29:00.000-05:00

We had a great Easter! We were able to see several souls saved in our morning service and the auditorium was full. It was such a blessing.

Bus 5 was the #1 bus with only 31. We didn't think we would make that ranking again. Frankly, I was shocked that we had so many on the bus. After my visitation on Saturday, I was afraid we would be doing good to have 20 on there. Many families were having "get-togethers".

The ensemble sang "The Perfect Lamb" for the special and I think it came out ok except for one spot. I love singing in that group because we can really give it all we've got. Every song we have sung has been something that had much feeling in it. Mike and I both struggle with the memorizing of the words but so far it has worked.

The choir also sang a great song, "Forgiven Forever" which was mostly the choir backing up Leah Black as she sang a beautiful solo. We also had to memorize that one. We are really stretching our old brains.

We started relearning the ten commandments on the bus again, since that is something I have flashcards for. We work on the books of the bible most every Sunday and I am really proud of how well some of those children can do that.

I can remember when the ten commandments were something that we just didn't mention in Sunday School. Perhaps it was because we didn't want to stress a set of rules in case someone should think that they could obey those and make it to heaven. But, I have come to realize that most children on my bus have no idea of what God's standard really is. If they don't understand that, how can they ever fathom the depth of their sin. When they live with parents involved in gross immorality as an every day life style, they have a slanted view of what is right and wrong.

The flashcards I have show the numbers decorated in a way to make it understandable. For instance, yesterday, I was working on #3, (thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God in vain). That seems so simple to me but after working on that one a few minutes, I realized that there were some children on the bus that had NEVER even heard such a thing. The number 3 is decorated with two faces. One on the top and one on the bottom. The lesson is that when you have a friend that speaks lovingly to your face and then to your back talks badly of you, you consider that person to be "two-faced". I use that to explain that the word "vain" means empty or without meaning. Just as we do not like it when we have a friend that speaks in an empty way to our face, God does not like to hear His name spoken in an empty fashion. I am apalled today when the TV is on for any length of time, we hear God's name taken in vain over and over. On the bus, the children do that with no thought. Maybe they understand a little more what God's standard is, after yesterday.

Happy Easter to all!! Jesus is alive!!!!!

Good Weekend

2006-04-10T10:29:00.000-05:00

Well, Bus 5 was #1 again. We had 44 with one first time rider and another girl that had not been on the bus but one time and that was a couple of years ago, so I counted her a first timer too.

I was exhausted, having gone with Mike on Friday to Crawford County. On Saturday, we had bus breakfast at 8:30 AM. Buddy helped me by taking half of the route to visit so that I could get back to the church for the noon luncheon with Mrs. Folger. I took the time in the morning to go buy groceries. Then after the luncheon, I did visitation, getting home about 4:30, in time to get ready for the 6:00 Worker's Banquet with Bro. Folger.

I was dragging my feet when Sunday morning came. It seems that Satan was working full force! Siblings all over the bus were in grumpy moods. I have a couple of families that I have a hard time keeping in seats.....well, let me reword that! They WILL NOT stay in seats! They were also the ones that were in grumpy moods.

We also had a different driver going home and I had to be a guide since I let the boy workers go home so they could go out to eat with their families. So, it was exciting to hear some of the teen girls take a lead and do some singing. Actually, one of the girls came in a skirt and high heels!!! She is progressing.

We had a lady saved yesterday morning. Her children ride the church bus. She has 8 children; three sets of twins, and she doesn't look old enough to have them nor does she look out of shape!!!! But the children missed the bus so she decided to take them. Praise the Lord, Bro. Folger preached a very plain message on justification and she walked down the aisle in tears to receive Jesus.

Got lots of cleaning to do today! My girl is coming over tonight!! YAY!

"Satan Reigns!"

2006-04-10T10:18:00.000-05:00

I knew that would get your attention! Actually, we had a scary but funny thing happen at church last night. We had a visiting preacher, Bro. Kevin Folger, speaking. He had come down from the platform and was starting to tell us a very dramatic story when we heard a scream from the back of the church. I couldn't understand what was said but I turned around quickly to see our resident policeman(grew up in our church and is now a city policeman) leave the service.

After church we found out that a couple of 16 year old boys drove into the parking lot. One of them came in and screamed "Satan reigns!" in the back door of the auditorium while videoing it with his cell phone. Funny thing!!!! IF Satan reigns, why didn't he instruct him to go to one of the seven other doors into the auditorium!!! The policeman was able to get the license number and call back to the police station and have the boys picked up. Bad day for Satan......not only did they get arrested and brought back to church to speak to the pastor, the pastor now has their address and will make it a point to minister to those boys AND their families. Isn't it funny the way that works!!!!!

Forgiveness

2006-04-06T11:34:00.000-05:00

I need to write a few things down so that I am clear in my own mind about what I am reading, so I MAY come back and correct myself later.

One of the convicting things I have been reading in my couseling study is about apologies in contrast to asking for forgiveness. Dr. Adams is bringing to light that an apology is simply a man made substitute for what God commanded. If a person goes to a another he has wronged and says, "I'm sorry!", the most normal reaction is a quick, "Oh, that's ok!" That is not what God asked us to do. We are to confess and receive forgiveness. It is quite different to go to a person and say, "I have sinned against God and against you and I ask you to forgive me!" It is then up to the wronged person to choose to forgive.

I don't think I really understood what forgiveness was completely. Here is a quote from Dr. Adams in "A Theology of Christian Counseling": "Forgiveness is a lifting of the charge of guilt from another, a formal declaration of that fact and a promise (made and kept) never to remember the wrong against him in the future." That is much more involved than a simple "Oh, that's ok!"

I think one of my problems has been in the area of not confronting a brother as instructed in Luke 17:3-4. You see how we minimize what God commands. The issue is that God be able to work in our lives. As christians, if my brother offends me and I choose to just absorb that with no acknowledgement of the trangression, do I not say that my peace is more important than God's commandment? The issue here is that God be allowed access to my heart and my brother's heart so that He may have free reign in our lives. There is also the pride issue. Do I not "look" more spiritual if I just take the offense silently? Sometimes, I think we may try to take on a martyr complex. There is much more involved here that I don't understand yet. Hopefully, much more will be explained soon.

Medical Memories

2006-04-05T11:29:00.000-05:00

It's funny how memories work! This morning, I am filling out a patient information form for a much needed dental visit. It asked when my last dental visit was. OH MY!!! I had to go to my Miscellaneou/Medical file to find that.

As I thumbed through the many papers included there the memories were many! There are many tickets from Suburban Pediatrics where each one of the children went for shots and the varied childhood diseases. I'm glad that is over but in a way, I wish I was back there. There were such warm memories of when each child was sick and I cuddled and cleaned behind, rubbed Ryan's itchy chicken pox sores, gave the medications on time, held Maleah while they took blood for tests, sat for hours while she got fluids after having almost dehydrated, went to the hospital with Shawn when he got knocked out by an unknown assailant on the K-Mart parking lot, went to the St. Louis Surgery Center for Shawn to have knee surgery; went to Jefferson Memorial while Ryan had to be checked out after the van in which the kids from church were riding was hit from behind by an 18-wheeler. Scary times!! But all those times bring back such warm memories.

There were also memories of the many medical issues with Mike and I; his ankle, badly sprained, his Easter morning trip to St. Anthony's, my trips to Dr. Drapers office when pregnant and eventual trips to Phelps County Memorial Hospital.
There were so many good times and a few bad times but I am not sorry for any. I would gladly do it all over!!!

Being a family is hard work some times but for all the hard work it is a blessing!!! I waited FOREVER, it seemed to be a part of my own family and it was well worth the wait!!!

Introspection

2006-04-04T11:55:00.000-05:00

In the last few months I have been around a few people that, for one reason or another, caused me to become very introspective. This seems like a noble thing to do. I hate being a hypocrite. I like to be totally transparent. I honestly believe that is exactly what Christ wants from me.

Sometimes, being very forthright can come across as arrogant. I hate arrogance. I don't like to be around superficial, pompous people; nor do I ever want to come across that way myself. But did you ever think what an unstable life you would have if you always lived to please everyone else?

SO! Here is my assessment! I believe that I should always stay clean before my Lord. As long as I am abiding in Him, I need not fear if people question my motives. When I become very introspective, I find that in itself, is being self-centered. I already know that "in me dwells no good thing." So, why should that surprise me. What am I going to find if I stay there, picking every thought and intent apart.

Hebrews 4:14-16
"Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."

If I can come BOLDLY to God, knowing that He knows my heart, and still find grace to help in time of need, then I must assume that there are times when I must allow people to think what that want to think and not let that become a root of bitterness in my own introspection. Thank you, Lord, that there is safety in the hollow of Your hand!

Still Number One

2006-04-03T07:45:00.000-05:00

Bus 5 beat the competition again yesterday! We had 31 less than we had last week. So our number was 32 with 1 first time visitor. The crowd was much more manageable and we enjoyed the ride.

I was a little discouraged because on Saturday, I had spent quite a while visiting with one of the mothers and she promised me that she would come on Sunday morning. At one of the apartments, I approached a boy that used to ride a while back. He has PROMISED me for two weeks that he would ride. Neither one of these came!

I'm sure that time change affected our numbers so hopefully we will be back up next week.

I was excited to have one of the new couples that just got saved and baptized come up to Mike and let him know that he had worked with Shawn at Circuit City and Ultimate Electronics and he was a good guy!! What a small world. Maybe we need to reach out a little more to this particular family!!

We had storms last night and about the time we started to leave for ensemble practice, a huge dark cloud began and we came under tornado warnings. We got Grandma into the basement, although I will say that if the tornado had been on us, we would have all died. She struggles to get down all those steps. I sure wish we had been able to get the basement finished so she could have her own place with everything on one level. I really don't know how I am going to care for her if she becomes permanently disabled which seems to be fast approaching. At least if she were down in the basement, she could even go outside without managing any steps. One of the men from her old church that is a carpenter had promised that he would finish out that basement. He even got her some cabinets that he saved from another house but I think we have all given up hope on that ever happening. God knows about this!!

Back to the tornado update...we did have quite a bit of rain and wind and as we have a battery powered radio in the basement, we were able to hear the local radio station that had people calling in on cellphones, giving reports on the damage. There were quite a few reports. This was very scary to Grandma who imagined we were in the midst of a tornado ravaged area with electric wires down on every hand. Mike went on to church but I decided to stay so that Grandma would not feel so frightened.

Oh boy!!! It is 7:55 in the morning and I just got a phone call. It was one of the kids on my bus. She is 6 years old. She said she was just calling all her friends!!!! Wow....what a privilege, to be called her friend and yet my gut feeling says this is not a good thing. I don't really have time for talking to six year olds and keeping up with everything!

Let's see, I have Bible reading, cooking breakfast for grandma, grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning, phone calls, cooking, changing bed clothes, getting all the garbage out to the street, making arrangements to get the oil changed! Well, so much for gathering the garbage. The garbage man came early today!

Matthew 6:34
"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Beautiful, Sunny Saturday

2006-04-01T18:11:00.000-06:00

How I enjoyed my visitation today!! The weather was so nice. I didn't have to have even a light jacket.

I am a little discouraged because about 8-10 of my bus kids from one mobile home park are being "rustled"! I have mixed emotions about this. For one thing, these are the kids that I have been so burdened for. They had never gone to church regularly before we started visiting. A couple of the kids have gotten saved but not baptized. These are my kids from New Orleans and their cousins. I just fell in love with these kids and I hate to lose them.

I have been very introspective about it. I don't want it to be a pride issue! It is certainly not that I care if our numbers decrease. Actually, the last two Sundays with the 53 in attendance, none of them were present anyway.

Lord, I ask that YOUR will be done in this situation!! You know my heart and You know exactly what Your plans for their lives are.

I visited with one of the girls mother's today. She is unmarried and just found out that she is expecting. Her daughter is 12 years old and she had a lot of problems at birth. The lady has no operative car. She works at a food place located within walking distance to her mobile home. She lives in a very small mobile home that was given to her. She is chancing losing that because she is struggling to pay her pad rent of $185 per month. So many problems!!! We had a good talk today and she told me about having been saved several years ago. She really just needed someone to disciple her. I struggle with this. If I could have, I would have figured a way to get her a working vehicle and paid a months rent but is that what God would have??? One of her friends is working on getting her a job with her. Lord, give me wisdom!!!

We should have a pretty good number tomorrow!!

I Corinthians 13:13

"And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity."

New Subject Matter

2006-04-01T07:01:00.000-06:00

The last two days have been eventful. On Thursday, I went with Mike since he only had one appointment. The lady he tuned for that morning was a long standing customer of 20+ years. She has moved a couple of times since we started tuning for her. Mike has always wanted me to go with him to her new house. He is very impressed with this house. The surroundings were beautiful and the house was not a disappointment. She took me on a grand tour and it was really nice. The house has 7 bathrooms....if I didn't lose count; 4 bedrooms, a gym and game room, two kitchens, living room, family room, library, laundry room, office, winding staircase, waterfall that is easily seen from the living room windows, and a swimming pool. The master bathroom was bigger than my bedroom!!! It was just beautiful. It made me start thinking about heaven. I know that what is in heaven will far exceed anything done on this earth, I can't wait to see it.

On Friday, I went with Mike again, as we had to go out to Crawford County. Got to visit with my friend, Sheila, who is Maleah's mother-in-law. We enjoyed a few minutes of fellowship. Then we went to a house that was WAY down a dirt road...as a matter of fact, her driveway was off the dirt road and it was another 1/2 mile. The setting was also fascinating. They have several acres and raise cows and chickens and enjoy the country life. There is something to be said for the peace and solitude of that area. This lady felt bad because Mike complained of her road(shame on Mike)! She gave us two dozen FRESH eggs.

The next customer was a long standing customer of seven years. She, too, has a beautiful house in a lovely setting. She just leaves the door unlocked for us. She has two new dogs this year, Maltese, Willie and Mattie. They were very excited to have us there as they were pinned up in a play pen.

We ate lunch at the palatial Sonic restaurant!;) After lunch we headed to Rose Bud and to another unique home of another long standing customer. She lives in an older home that her husband and sons built an addition on. It is very unique with a lot of wood work and a beautiful stonework fireplace.

Then, it was on to Union and the last tuning before heading to Maleah's house. We rarely get to go see her in her home since she is about an hour away from us. I had intended on cooking supper for them because I thought we would get there long before they did but as we were running late all day, we made it there about the same time they did. I cooked fried chicken anyway and we enjoyed sharing a meal time with she and Casey. Ryan came in around 8:00 and it was fun being around my baby once again. Sure wish Shawn and Shannon could have been there.

Maleah showed me a couple of people on MySpace.com that were shocking. There was Blair....our friend from California. He was a totally different person from the one we had known. My heart broke as I read the lyrics to some songs he has written. I am grieved at the hurt that was portrayed there. I am so tired of watching Satan ruin and wreck lives. I am ready to say "Even so, Lord Jesus, COME!!!"

We left there a little after 10:00 so arrived home after 11:00. Millie was very glad to see us. We dropped wearily into bed and slept like a log.....and guess what!!! TODAY is the day we move the clocks back an hour so we can get that much awaited extra hour of daylight. But we also lose that precious hour of sleep.....there is good and bad in everything!!!

Ro 8:35 (KJV) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Moods and Emotions

2006-03-28T11:45:00.000-06:00

This will be a post that is a little off the beaten track. I just need to put some of this down. I have been depressed (and yes, I do know that previously I have defined that as having a little pity party)! It seems it hits me ever so often and I can't seem to put my finger on what brings it. I THINK it is because of being physically tired. BUT I am not unaware of the fact that there could be some spiritual warfare going on.

I know that we had so many on the bus for the past two Sundays that it was hard to focus on anything except trying to keep a handle on the little problems that crept up in different areas.

I had one girl say that she wasn't riding the bus anymore because of Mrs. Cozart! I had asked her to let me take her radio and keep it for her until we got back home. She was not happy with that. I have kids that will bring their CD players and Ipods on the bus. Occasionally they bring their Gameboy. I have struggled with this. I understand that the trip is long for those who get on first. I applaud them for coming faithfully even though they have to get on early and ride a long time and usually they are the ones that get off last. So, I don't try to make a big deal out of the extra things they bring. But, now I wish I had because it could really get out of hand.

I hate it when I get in these moods. It is hard to focus on the good things that happened and there certainly were good things that happened Sunday.......not the fussing, not the pizza and soda all over the floor, not the lost articles and not the loudness but the salvation of one and the faithfulness of those that continue!

In the same line of reasoning, I hate it when I get those phone calls about putting our business in the online Yellow Pages!!! The reason I hate it is because I was hoodwinked one other time....or maybe twice. They verify your information on your FREE listing. Of course you can get an upgraded listing for $39.95 per month. WHO NEEDS IT!!!!! We have a website!! This is the trick. They verify all your information while recording your response. You get the free upgrade for the first three months. If you do not call and cancel it they just begin to charge your phone bill. You have to call and cancel it and when you do, they play you back your authorization to get the upgrade! I am sure that I may misunderstand somewhere but this one thing I do know.....WE DO NOT NEED ANYTHING ELSE ON THE INTERNET!!!!! Much less something we have to pay for!!!

A man from "YP.com" called this morning and he would not take NO for an answer. I even hung up on him and he called back so I went along with it but when we recorded the information, I made sure that I said ON THE RECORDING that I DID NOT want and upgrade and DID NOT want to have to call back to cancel it. He finally, after about 20 minutes gave up. I hate to take that much time for something like that. I also hate to have to be so firm with anyone. That is not me at all, on a regular day but when that dark cloud moves in.....hey, I guess I can get a little tougher if need be.

Well, enough of my rants I guess. Do I feel better.....yes, I think I do.....the sun is shining!!!!!

James 1:2-5
"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptatons; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."

When I Can Read My Title Clear

2006-03-27T22:16:00.000-06:00

Don't ask me about that title! I have no idea. It just came to me after much thinking.

To be honest, I am so tired I could drop right off the face of the planet if I tried. But so much went on this weekend that was a blessing.

On Saturday, I got to have a friend and her 4th grade son go on visitation with me. She kept great records and guessed exactly how many we would have on the bus the next morning. The total was the same as last Sunday at 53! We had two boys on that had not ridden in a long time but no FIRST first-timers.

I have come to the conclusion that I need some other adult workers on the bus with me. I need some dedicated people that love children that can assess the situation and help keep people in seats and children ministered to. Fifty is quite a number to handle and I feel very inadequate.

Church services were great! We had 496 in Sunday School and had 12 people saved including one of the 11 year old girls on my bus.

It was Pack A Pew Sunday and that was very successful. It was exciting to see the young christians getting excited and inviting their friends.

The joy was tainted with sadness though as we found out on Sunday night that a gentleman that came to church with his stepson on "Super Bowl Sunday" of 2004 and got saved, was getting ready for church, after having invited his neighbors, and fell dead of a heart attack. It was good to know that he had accepted the Lord as his Savior.

It is so good to be a part of a thriving church!

Rightly Dividing

2006-03-23T08:43:00.000-06:00

The following excerpt was copied from "Rightly Dividing The Word" by Dr. Clarence Larkin. I thought it was very descriptive. I don't know about you but the older I get the more I fight my sin nature. I thought it was going to get easier but I guess not. When we have youth on our side, we have health and physical abilities and a mind free from some of the entanglements of soured relationships. Thank goodness my relationship with Jesus is not based on feelings! I thought these two paragraphs were very descriptive and certainly made me to understand that EVEN MY HEART is deceitfully wicked!!! I made "even my heart" bold because the light of God's word always points out my pride and arrogance in thinking that I may be more than I really am! Lord, please forgive me!!!

"What does the Bible say about the human heart? Listen. "The heart is
deceitful above all things and desperately wicked: who can know it."
Jer 17:9. One day Jesus dissected the human heart for the benefit of His
Disciples. Read what He said-- "For from within, out of the heart of men,
proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts,
covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye,
blasphemy, pride, foolishness." Mr 7:21-22. Here are 13 specifications
that outline the character of the human heart; can any one read them and
say, "That does not describe my heart?"
In fruit there is a tendency to rot and decay, and unless preserved it will
soon perish. So it is with the "root principle" of sin in the human heart.
Out of Christ there is no difference between men. Take a man honest,
honorable, truthful, upright, benevolent; take a woman pure, chaste,
amiable, gentle, meek, the embodiment of all loveliness: take some
sweet girl, pure as a lily, the light of the household, a living joy: take a
little child, innocent, the heaven-sent prattler of the fireside, and as
unspotted as the new fallen snow; and what is the difference between any
of these and the lost spirits, the sin-saturated souls hating and bated,
cursing and cursed, blaspheming and damned that writhe in Hell? It is
simply the difference between meal into which the leaven has been
placed, and meal in which the leaven has done its work. It is simply a
difference as to time and development. The batch of meal that has been
leavened cannot take the leaven out of itself, neither can it prevent the
leaven front doing its work. Its final state is only a question of Time. If
men and women go into the other world without having the leaven of sin
eradicated by the "BLOOD OF JESUS," the leaven of sin will continue to
work on down the Eternal Ages, and they will grow worse and worse as
eternity rolls on, until they shall become as bad as the demons in Hell.
The leper was just as truly a leper the moment the first taint of leprosy
entered his system, as he was when he sat a loathsome creature outside
the city walls and cried "Unclean! Unclean!" "

High Seats!

2006-03-20T08:55:00.000-06:00

Well, yesterday we got one of the new busses! These new busses will seat 70. That means that the seats are a little wider and consequently the aisle is a little narrower. This means that we MUST get everyone to sit down and stay seated in order to get people on in an organized manner. We do have a little trouble with that. I need prayer to help me get some more cooperation in that area. The only other problem I saw was the tall seats! That makes it very hard to get everyone's attention. Even the older kids are hidden behind those seats. "Lord, you have the answer!"
Our total yesterday was 53! We had 2 first time visitors. One was an adult that has been to church before but never ridden the bus. I hope to encourage him to keep coming. The other was an 8th grade girl that may start riding regularly. I saw a lot of potential in that one. She told me that she had gotten saved as a young child and baptized but had gone through a stage when she was a real bad girl. Now, she is trying to be better. Lord, help me minister here. Help me show her how to grow up and be free from her guilt of past sins and open to Your word.

One of the most touching moments on the bus was when I was talking with little Steven. He is in the second grade. He lives with his mother and her older boyfriend. I have such problems hearing on the bus but in the course of the conversation, Steven shared that his real dad left him. I couldn't help but see the hurt in those little eyes. I have no doubt that if no one else had been around that little one would have broken down in tears. I try to think why a man with any character whatsoever would leave his child and never even try to see him again. I did question Steven as to when he had seen his father and he couldn't think. I am not sure that he even knows his father. Clearly, he felt abandoned and hurt. Lord, how can I lead this child to see You as his Heavenly Father? You know our physical and emotional needs and You are not unaware of hurts involved with broken relationships. I ask You to help me minister to that little one in a special way!"

Ashley, a fifth grader, was baptized yesterday! She is very faithful and needs no special encouragement to do the right thing. Praise the Lord for that kind!

Ciara, once again, came forward for salvation. If you remember, she and her mother were baptized on the same day several months ago. Mom, got saved in January of 2005, didn't get baptized until almost a year later, has not been back to church since and is living in open sin. Ciara needs a lot of attention. Perhaps, she knew that she was saved and only came forward because she had guilt and didn't know what to do with it. Maybe the junior church workers assumed she came to be saved. Once again, Lord, I am at a loss!

We missed the Himes yesterday, as Bro. Himes preached in Georgia yesterday and is going to Kentucky, I think, to hold a revival this week. We enjoyed a couple of good sermons by Bro. Bookout and Bro. Garber; and some testimonies by four of the teens who went to the Youth Congress. God has blessed us mightily!

Philippians 4:4

"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice."

Joyful, Joyful, We adore Thee

2006-03-20T08:28:00.000-06:00

Funny!! I spent a little time last night while I was trying to go to sleep, thinking of what to name this post. There were many thoughts but nothing seemed right. This morning it was so plain! Joy after the valley is so real and it is all because of the adoration we can give to our Savior.

What is my reason for being in the bus ministry? Sometimes I feel I need to make that plain to myself. When examining my motives, I realize that I feel this is the best way I can be used in God's service. Over and over again, I have been able to see more clearly what God was doing in our congregation because of the outside exposure to the problems of our community.

God has proven to me again and again that it is not because of MY abilities that He can use me. It is ONLY because I yield what He has already given me to be used in His service. Therefore, if things are going well....then Glory to God!!! If things are not going well.....then Glory to God anyway!!! All I can do is go! That was my command. That represents freedom in God's work. I don't need to have men to commend me for what HE is doing. I don't want to do what I do JUST to get the applause of men. In fact, I have proven to myself that I am such a proud person if people continue to applaud my efforts. I soon begin to think that God's work was actually my own. Then, when in that line of reasoning, people can hurt my feelings when they decide not to ride the bus anymore! I begin to think that they don't like me!! HOW SILLY!!! WHO CARES!!! I am trying to lead them to the only Person Who will never fail them and yet am I wanting them to trust my sinful flesh????

I don't always have the right answers! Actually I can say that I NEVER have the right answers. AND...thank the Lord He didn't ask ME to have the right answers! When Moses argued with God about his commission to lead the Israelites out of bondage, he argued that he couldn't speak. But God said "GO....and I will put words in your mouth." Just so, I feel that my responsibility is to keep myself pure and unspotted before the world, feed myself with God's word, exercise myself towards godliness and give myself to prayer. With that preparation, I can boldly follow Him to do His work.

I understand that if I wanted to, I could quit the bus ministry tomorrow and God's work would NOT be hampered!! I am only a vessel and the work He wants done could be done by Balaam's ass! BUT would I WANT to do that and miss out on all the blessings of seeing Him work! NOOOOOOOOOOO! I don't know what tomorrow holds but I do know that I want to continue to work for the Lord until He takes me home!

Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

People Pleasing

2006-03-17T10:11:00.000-06:00

I have always been a "people-pleaser"! Part of it, I'm sure, has to do with the spiritual gift of "helps". BUT, you can become out of balance on that.

There comes a time in life when you must realize that unless you are pleasing the right person, you take a chance of becoming very irritable.

When I think back about the many things that I have done to go beyond what is common to help others, I wonder how much of that will truly come through being "tried by fire"! I always thought that I had the right motives BUT now that I am faced with many more years of trying to please someone who can rarely be pleased, I find that my irritation brings to light that I must have a wrong motive.

I have a choice! I can decide to quit trying to do right because this person deserves it!!! OR, I can do all to the glory of God and not only help this person in spite of themselves but please God!!!!

There are SO MANY opportunities for that these days!!!!

I John 3:20-24

For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.

Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.

And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.

And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.

And he that keepeth his commandments dwelleth in him, and he in him. And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spiriti which he hath given us.

Problem Solving

2006-03-13T08:31:00.000-06:00

What a backache I have!!! We spent the night in the basement. Grandma's couch and king size bed is down there so we decided to(at her request) put her on the couch and we took the big bed. There is no bathroom down there so I set up the bed pan in a chair with arms on it so that she could use it if necessary.

Mike was up watching TV until the wee hours of the morning. There was so much bad weather all around us that we felt it would be prohibitive not to have Grandma already in the basement just in case.

We survived with no damage to anything in our local area. Thank you, Lord. I understand that has not been the case for everyone and 9 people have lost their lives during this storm. Don't quote me on that. I was quoting Grandma who watches the TV non stop so she should know.

This morning we have a beautiful, sunshiny day. It feels very fresh and clean out there. Hopefully this will be a day to accomplish great things.

This is the day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it!

Stormy Weekend

2006-03-12T21:05:00.000-06:00

It has been quite a weekend. Weather has been bad, even experiencing tornados in the Festus area that took a few houses very close to the Odoms. Bro. Odom drives my bus so that took him out for today.

Bro. Primo does a fine job of filling in when Bro. Odom is out and on top of that I had Rebecca Sobie and Spencer, her soon to be husband(June 2) to help me in the afternoon.

We had 35 on the bus with 4 first time visitors. Three of the visitors were children that I have contacted before and I think will continue to come. The other little girl came with a friend but lives in Hillsboro.

The weekend was highlighted by the Youth Congress. Bro. Scott Pauley, youth pastor at Temple Baptist in Knoxville spoke and he was VERY good.

I was able to bring two of the teen girls from my route to both the Friday and Saturday services and I believe that those services will make a difference in their lives.

Bro. Pauley spoke on Friday night from I John 2:12-14. Those verses have always seemed like a break from the chain of thought and I just couldn't put them in perspective with the rest of the chapter. He explained that every person in the meeting was at some point in their spiritual life.

I was going to try to explain the sermon but it would be too long here. He challenged them to move from being a baby christian that is in the family but is not teachable yet, to the stage of yielding their life to be open to whatever God wants to do in their life, to staying in God's Word and being able to fight Satan, to being a father and reproducing spiritually.

I questioned my girls on the way to church Saturday morning. One definitely knew where she was and would like to move on to the next stage. She put herself in the exact place I would have put her. The other one is more reserved in her assesment, not being comfortable to say that she probably was still back at the beginning. I was excited as I got her home that she said, "Mrs. Cozart, I have a problem." I was very glad to have her express her problem to me as that represents that she has been listening. Her problem was that she could not understand God's Word. OH THANK YOU LORD!!!! I could take her to James 1:5, the verse that God led me too when in college and not very mature spiritually, I was asked to do a devotion. I was at a loss, I didn't understand God's word that well, and yet, there it was in black and white. Not only did it say that if I lacked wisdom I could ask God and He would give it to me BUT He would not upbraid me. I had no idea what that meant. I got out a dictionary and found that it meant He would not condemn me nor make fun of me for asking questions and not understanding. It was wonderful to explain to this one that she, too, could expect that when she read God's Word, she could ask Him and He would help her understand more and more of those precious words.

I could not help but laugh when she told me that sometimes she really doesn't like it when her friends come to church on the bus because they want to laugh and talk during church!!!!!!!!She has been riding the bus with us now for 5 years. I could not even think of another child that has cut up in church more than she has. What a blessing to see her growing up!!

I taught Sunday School for many years and loved it but the bus ministry has a wonderful plus in that you are able to continue to be an influence as these children grow. It is hard for me to believe that some of these children that have been riding with me for 5 years are about to get their license.

Church was wonderful today! Bro. Himes was able to baptize five adults. One young couple was saved on Thursday night, products of the bus ministry. The young man that was saved last week was baptized this morning and two of the veterans were baptized.

The church voted and made enough donations to replace several of our worn out busses this next week. Bus 5 is supposed to get a replacement and we are very excited.

It looks as if we have a wild weather forecast for the night so we need to pray that if we have problems with tornados, we can get Grandma into the basement quick enough.

Psalm 147:11 The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.

Brain Freeze

2006-03-09T10:23:00.000-06:00

My brain is not big enough to hold all that is in this book I am trying to read. I am working on the Theological section of the counselors exam and I am finding that I am not very smart. It is very discouraging in one aspect but on the other hand, I am determined that I will continue with this study. Whether I ever become a counselor, it is sure that studying to show myself approved is a right thing to do.

I have learned so much, or rather, I should say, I have READ so much. Whether I have understood or committed it to memory is another question. Here is the question I need to be working on right now:

Many Christians today speak of continuing revelation. Relate this concept to inspiration and sufficiency of the Scripture.

I had to look up what they were even talking about!! We definitely do not believe that God speaks to us today as do the charismatics who believe in speaking in tongues and having someone else interpret.

I know, in my heart, what I believe but how to put it in words is very hard....I have much studying to do!

James 1:5
If any of you lack wisdom, let him
ask of God, that giveth to all men
liberally, and upbraideth not; and it
shall be given him.

Music

2006-03-06T07:31:00.000-06:00

Such an issue! I can remember when music was one of the most important things in my life. I have loved to sing and play the piano since I was a small child. God gave me many opportunities to use my voice as my dad began his ministry. I was in the third grade when my dad took his first church. By the time we arrived in Columbia, Tennessee, I had been saved for three years and had been exposed to some of the best music in the world, having gone to Castleberry Baptist Church, in Fort Worth, Texas, where "Little David" Cavin had led the choir, and High Street Baptist Church in Springfield, MO, where Bro. Earl Smith had faithfully sung and led the choir.

I can remember at Castleberry, when I was very young and they were still in the old building, a few songs, such as; "Verily, Verily" and "Whosoever, Surely Meaneth Me"(which I misinterpreted as, "Shirley meaneth me"). When we came back to Castleberry for BBF National Fellowship meetings,and they were in their new, much larger auditorium, I remember "Wonderful Grace of Jesus", Jimmye and Wilma Boyd's many organ and piano duets(some of which I couldn't wait to get home to pick out on the piano, Wilma playing the xylophone, the lady that sat on the front row of the choir and had the most beautiful smile on her face as she sang, the song "Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow", "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and "How Firm A Foundation", and "Little David's" rendition of "Roll, Jordan, Roll", as the choir backed him up.

At High Street, I was able to learn a lot of other songs, as my dad went to Baptist Bible College. Then again, while I was attending BBC, was able to sing in that choir myself and also sing in an accapella trio that sang several times in church.

I have many fond memories of the duets that my brother, Bobby, and I sang for church. We spent many hours singing and doing dishes with the old "All American Hymnal" propped in the window. I can remember singing with Susie, Judi and Eddie as they were growing up. We never were able to sing together in church at that time because there was quite a difference in our ages. When I married they were 9, 7, and 5.

Music was what brought Mike and I together. He completely won me over because he could play the piano in ANY key. I played by ear and could only do that in a very few keys. He was able to transpose any song into a lower key so I could sing solos. The first Sunday after we got married I sang in his dad's little church. That was probably my first solo and for the past thirty years, we have participated in the music program of almost every church service that we have been in.

That was quite an introduction and one that I had not anticipated. It brought back so many pleasant memories and filled my eyes with tears as I remembered the joy I have received from music.

I wanted to write this entry about music because I was able to listen to a tape of Bro. Lonnie Moore, who spoke at our Bible Conference recently. He spoke to the TCCA students and others in a morning service that we were unable to attend, on the subject of "Music and the Bible". I have never heard some of the things he said.

Do you know how it is when you hear something and your spirit confirms and gives you peace that it is truth? That was the way this tape affected me. I need to relisten to the tape to really completely consume all that he said. One thing that stood out to me was when he asked the question, "Did God create music?" He believes that music is an attribute of God and used a verse that mentions God singing.

Zep 3:17 (KJV) The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

I had never thought of God singing! Can you even imagine what it will be to hear that?

I have often thought about how much I enjoy music and how heaven will be FILLED with music.

Another point he made was that we were created in His image, which means we were made musical beings because we are like Him. We were created to bring honor and glory to Him. If we were made musical beings to bring honor and glory to God, then, I think you can make the analysis that music that doesn't bring honor to God is going to bring honor somewhere else, for example; flesh or Satan.

It is quite a deep subject. I would suggest that if you are interested in hearing what he had to say, you might go to www.2ndbaptistchurch.com and order the tape of Lonnie Moore on "Music and the Bible". It was the 2/22/06 AM service. I believe the cassette tapes are $3 a piece.

Ps 119:105 (KJV) "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."

What to say about today??

2006-03-05T15:17:00.000-06:00

There is so much that has happened in the past week and also in this particular day.

The week found us taking Grandma to St. Lukes Hospital where she had a two day stay to regulate her blood pressure. I don't think she is happy still with her health and I have heard that we may be in for more doctor visits this week.

Maleah came over Thursday night and we enjoyed her visit except for the fact that I was so tired that I basically used her as a shoulder to rest on.....I guess that is ok to do occasionally.

Saturday I enjoyed my bus visitation. I was able to meet several little boys between the ages of 10-7 at one neighborhood I visit in. The parents said they might be able to go next week so I am looking forward to having new ones on the bus.

I picked up Erica and took her with me on visitation in the afternoon and enjoyed our time of talking. She is a sweetheart and I hope to see big things from her.
She has been riding the bus for 4-5 years and is 13 now. She is very faithful and I believe she really wants to do something in her spiritual life though I remember well when she first started riding and I have watched her mature in both body and actions.

Bus 5 was the #1 bus again today with 36 regular riders and 1 first time visitor. The visitor came with a girl that was a first time visitor less than two months ago. She doesn't live in our area but possibly she could be encouraged to ride another bus.

We had a great time on the bus. I think I must have sung 50 songs. A couple of the girls were sitting on the front with me and I was challenging them to see if they knew all the songs I sang. Then I went to the back of the bus this time, which seemed to work out very well since the teens were back there. I love to hear them sing like they really mean it. Actually, I doubt that most of them know what they are singing. They just like to sing. But, I remember that as a child, I learned thousands of songs that I had no idea of the meaning but years later as I matured and thought them through, they were a real comfort to my heart.

When we got to church, everyone disbursed to their classes except Megan. She is 7 years old and has come several times. She comes to visit her father every other week and sometimes comes with Shawna when she is there. She had a "stomach ache" and was very whiny. She was afraid she was going to get sick. Apparently she had been sick with strep throat several weeks before and she was afraid she was going to be sick again. She had already explained to me that she didn't have time to eat any breakfast and that Shawna had given her a Jolly Rancher. I told her it was probably her tummy telling her that it didn't want to eat Jolly Ranchers for breakfast! I prayed with her and she agreed she would go to her class but before I could even get out of the hall the secretary in her class came and told me that she was not happy. So, I went and got Mike and let him know what was happening. We left for the 20 minute trip to take her home. All the way, I was talking to her and getting her to tell me about all her fears. I told her that she could certainly learn to say "What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee."

We were almost home when she informed me that her stomach was feeling better and she would like to go back to church. I asked her what she thought had helped and she said she guessed me telling her that Jesus heard everything and knew about it and loved her. So with that, I got off the highway, rejoined the opposite side of the highway to return to church, explaining that we could not do this again, even if her stomach hurt again.

She understood and went straight to her Junior church which was just assembling. I had missed choir practice so got my folder and lined up as if I had been at practice.

The song service was good. I always enjoy the instruments that the TCCA kids play with our song service. The choir special turned out well. The Himes Family sang a song Lisa wrote, "Is There Not A Cause?" It was very good. Bro. Himes preached a good sermon on Luke 15 which he entitled "The Prodigality of God". I had never heard that word but he explained that "prodigal' meant a person who spends and gives greatly. I don't think those were his words, but that was the essence of it. He preached a good sermon explaining how much God loves us.

We were excited to see Donna come forward. Mrs. P. told me about her a few weeks ago. Her husband grew up in our church but had gotten away from the Lord and for years had driven a truck. His wife was a good person but had never been a church goer. When we had our Veterans Day service and fed the Veterans, Mrs. P. invited them to the service. They liked it and have been coming ever since. She had asked that we pray for Donna to understand the Gospel and to receive Jesus. Praise the Lord, that prayer was answered today. She was baptized also. We also had two other gentlemen that accepted Jesus, but not only that......guess who else came through the door from Junior church to be presented as having accepted Jesus.......YOU GUESSED IT!!!!! Megan! Now just what if I had insisted that she learn her lesson and had taken her home even though she was feeling better. She told me on the bus that her stomach was still hurting ever so often but "Oh, Well!!!". She knows that she has Jesus with her all the time now and she was completely satisfied.

Chris and Ashley were also brought in from Junior Church to be presented to the church. I was able to talk to Chris about baptism. They had all watched Donna be baptized. He was a bit concerned that he takes a deep breath just as he goes under water. I reminded him that he could hold his nose. He was going to check with his mom.

Satan was at work mightily today in so many areas but (Praise the Lord!!) we put out a few fires!

Thank you Lord for allowing me to work for You!

Wonderful Week and Weekend

2006-02-26T20:58:00.000-06:00

Well, we are all tired to say the least!!

We had a wonderful week of services and some very good sermons. I enjoy Bro. Bobby Roberson and his "down-to-earth" wisdom. What can be said about a man that has been at the same church for almost 50 years, I think.

Bro. Sam Davison is a highlight for me. I really enjoy his style of delivery and his very practical tips for living the Christian life.

The music and preaching of Bro. Lonnie Moore was a blessing. I love to hear someone sing that puts everything into it and that gentleman does that for sure. I believe he could sing in The Coliseum and be heard by everyone.

Then Thursday and Friday we enjoyed Bro. R. B. Oulette. He really preaches hard and doesn't hold back anything.

On Wednesday night, we had a 21 year old man saved. Tonight he was baptized. It was so exciting to watch him as Bro. Garber was explaining to him the act of baptism before they introduced him. He was so intent in listening to him. It reminded me of a little child that was filled with wonder and awe when they first hear about Jesus.

We had so many visitors in the services throughout the week and then again today we had a good number. A couple that visited with us for a while a couple of years ago came all through the meeting and were back today, along with his grandmother. They all joined the church tonight; he by statement, her by baptism and the grandmother by moving her membership from a church in Garland, Texas. So God is sending more workers onto the field.

It was pretty cold as we boarded the bus this morning! We got about 2-3 miles from the church and a buzzer sounded that alerted us that there was a problem with the motor or something. We finally figured out that the anti-freeze was leaking out. We had not picked up anyone and decided that we should turn around and drive back to church and pray that we made it, to avoid a towing charge. We argued with ourselves about whether to get the back-up bus and start back out late. We decided that if the first bus made it back with no more problems so that we weren't too late we would give it a try.

Thank goodness for modern conveniences. The cell phone was a very handy tool. I called all the children ahead and let them know that we were running behind but would be there soon. We ended up with 37 (actually 36 on the bus--one girl had thought she missed the bus and got her mom to take her) and 2 of those children were first time visitors. The two visitors were children that did not live in our area but might ride on one of the other busses so we shared that information with the respective bus captains and hopefully we will see them again.

Bro. Himes preached some good sermons from the book of Ecclesiates today and there was a very good spirit among the people.

Bro. Himes used this verse at the Bus Breakfast Saturday and I thought it was very thought provoking:

Ec 4:13
¶ Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and foolish
king, who will no more be admonished.

Worship (in spirit and in truth)

2006-02-20T08:43:00.000-06:00

We listened to a very profound sermon yesterday. Bro. Himes used the text in John 4 concerning the Samaritan woman.

One verse in that passage has always stood out to me: vs. 23 "But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth; for the Father seeketh such to worship Him." The bold words have always fascinated me. What does it mean to worship in spirit and in truth?

I looked up the passage on my Sword Searcher program and this is what I got from it. Jesus was confronting the woman about her soul's condition. Bro. Himes pointed out vividly yesterday how she changed the subject. That is exactly what happens today when the Spirit is dealing with a person. Many times they will try to change the subject. They won't change it to something completely unrelated. They will keep it on a spiritual level but any Christian who has studied their Bible at all will be able to quickly tell that they are talking apart from the Holy Spirit! Jesus quickly brought her back to the only thing that was going to make a difference in her life--a change in her spiritual condition.

She questioned him about his views on the best place to worship; afterall, the Samaritans didn't worship in Jerusalem and the Jews were very firm that they should worship in the temple in Jerusalem. Then Jesus makes the statement in vs 23. The hour was coming and now was that TRUE worshippers would worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Barnes concordance on the Sword Searcher commented that worshipping in spirit meant a worship that came from the inside and was not regulated by outside sources. So He was telling her that she had been caught up on all the rituals and outward show of religion but He was there and His purpose was to fulfill every ritual and outward show of religion by his voluntary death on the cross to save us from the penalty of our sin. HE was the fulfillment. Hebrews spoke of the fact that the rituals performed in the tabernacle were simply types of what was to come, types of Jesus and His future work. But Jesus was there before her, ready to be offered and He was searching for someone to trust Him and worship him on a personal level(in spirit) and understanding that HE was the truth.

Such a blessing to know that our eternal peace is bought and paid for and all He ask in return is that we accept Him as truth. Our worship will then be an internal worship of the spirit, giving Him the proper, preimminent place in our lives.

WHAT A SAVIOR!

Guimon Article

2006-02-20T07:15:00.000-06:00

Here is a touching article about Dr. Guimon.

http://www.thetd.com/viewpoints/frankly.php

Frosty Tootsies, Foul Mouths & Forty Minus Ten

2006-02-19T21:23:00.000-06:00

Wow, what a title. Today it was 4 degrees when we left on the bus and to be honest my tootsies almost broke off.(which is really not all that bad for an old woman who stays hot all the time) Even Buddy and David moved back farther on the bus so their feet could warm up by a heater vent.

Bus 5 was the number one bus again with 30(Forty Minus Ten) and 1 first time visitor. It was a much more manageable group than the fifty from last week; although Bro. Odom thinks the larger crowd is better because all the seats are full and people can't be up moving around so much.

I was surprised that we had the number we had since I did not go out to visit Saturday. Our car had to have some work done on it before it could pass inspection for license this month and we didn't need to have it done on a workday. It was also so cold, I just decided to call everyone. I don't want to make a habit of that and it is the first time I have done it in 5 years so I guess that wasn't too bad.

Now, for the "Foul Mouth" part. I had a girl come from the back of the bus to report that Mikael had made a perverse statement to one of the teen girls. I called him to the front and "counseled" with him. I think when I finished that he understood that we don't talk like that on the bus. He also knew that I love him very much and want him to be a good boy. After he got off the bus, I went to the back and had some time with the girls that had reported the statement and been the victim of the statement. We talked about how to NOT respond to someone making a statement like that and why that was a wrong thing to say. We had to talk about some pretty touchy things but I am determined that those children know that the bus is not the place to talk bad. I want them to feel like the bus is a safe place and it is ok to be nice and curb your desires to act and talk dirty on there.

I couldn't help but watch the 13 year old boy who was the first time visitor. He had gotten on with two teen girls. I think he was totally amazed at the way the kids on there sang and said the books of the bible and had a good time. I just couldn't keep from thinking that these girls would probably never have been bold enough to witness but they aren't afraid to bring their friends on the bus and show them that they like church things.

Next week is the Bible Conference and we have a good schedule. We have Bro. Bobby Roberson, Bro. Sam Davison, Bro. R. B. Oulette, and Bro. Lonnie Moore. I am sure there is more info on the church website: www.2ndbaptistchurch.com

I know one thing....there will probably be little time for blogging next week and we will be REAL tired when the week is over.

Psalm 27:4
"One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple."

A Mighty Warrior is Home!

2006-02-14T19:23:00.000-06:00

We first became acquainted with Dr. Kyle Guimon in 1997, just before Shawn, our oldest, graduated from high school. Bro. Guimon was on deputation at the time to go to Uganda as a missionary with BIMI. He was a professor at Missouri Baptist College. I spoke with him about the school and he encouraged us to send Shawn there. With his recommendation, Shawn went and graduated.

Before Shawn's graduation from college, the Guimons were on the mission field and working hard to help start an orphanage for the many children left parentless due to civil war in the country. www.tellafrica.org

I helped out in our church office one summer and one of my jobs was to file all the missionary letters. There were quite an abundance of them but one missionary stood out to me.....Bro. Guimon. He was so good at keeping the churches abreast of everything going on there. He would write little personable stories about the things happening there and I loved it. As a result, I requested that they add me to their mailing list. For the past two years I have kept up with them through their emails and have corresponded personally a couple of times.

I have been impressed with their hearts for God's service. They have been through MANY situations that would have put a lot of people out of the ministry and yet they have held their heads up high and continued the fight.

That fight came to an end this Monday as Bro. Guimon's body finally succumbed to the call of his Lord. Please pray for his sweet wife, Debbie and their son, Matthew, who is 15.

Here is the last personal message from Dr. Guimon before his open heart surgery. It is fitting!

"I want to thank all of you who have been praying for me. All of your prayers have felt like a warm blanket wrapped around me. It is really neat when God gives us situations where we have no choice but to totally rest in the love and peace that only God gives. In fact, that is what he wants for us all the time if we would only allow Him to do it in our lives. I am not very excited about being cut open by a saw and having people dig around on my heart, but I know that I will be in the center of God’s will laying there on that table on Monday morning. I will be just as safe there as in Uganda or Sudan.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Thanks for caring,

Kyle

Study, Study, Study

2006-02-14T10:00:00.000-06:00

I am trying to do a lot of studying on the counseling books. I am learning so much and realizing how I may have just needed to be counseled myself.

Yesterday I learned that it is impossible to know God's will if you are not studying His word. God's word is all He has given us to refer to and if we truly want to please Him, we will read and study His word.

One thing I have always struggled with is making decisions. It seems so hard. I have done all the things that the book says are examples of a christian living by "external to scriptural" principles. Have you used the flip and point method, putting out the fleece,casting lots, trusting feelings(I have peace about it) or looking for open doors to make decisions. All of these are a dead give away that you do not study enough to know the scriptural principles that God clearly spells out in His word. OUCH!

Here is a very convicting sentence: "Circumstances---often referred to as open and closed doors--only provide occasions (not guidance) for basic decision-making: they do (however) often provide help for making preferential decisions among several "goods" when you are in God's option box. But circumstances won't help put you there; only biblical principles will do that."
This is going to be hard to work through for me but I have wondered about this for a long time. There seem to be so many ways to interpret a situation. For instance, my husband is a very cautious person. We struggled with the decision about schooling EVERY year. Financially we were not really able to do what we did but we FELT it was the right decision. Mikes way of interpreting our financial decision about school was that it couldn't be God's will because there was no money for it. I, on the other hand, am a more trusting person and spontaneous. My way of interpreting that is to say that God just wanted us to trust Him. We never went hungry and we never had a child that didn't have his basic needs met but we have certainly had financial struggles as a result of it. I am very anxious to get the interpretation question resolved.

The "holding principle" was introduced yesterday. I am still struggling with this. It deals with holding back until you are certain you are not sinning when making any decision. Holding back is NOTHING I EVER want to do. So, Lord, please teach me this lesson!!!!

It deals with Romans 14:23 "And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin." Now that scripture was dealing with the eating of meats offered to idols. The problem was that the mature christian understood that the idols were nothing and so therefore felt free to purchase, in the market place, the cheaper meats that had been offered to the idols. But Paul is trying to point out that the weaker brother may be led into sin because of your freedom. Another may be troubled in his heart because he isn't sure that the meat is right to eat or not and he may follow your lead and thereby sin because of his lack of faith about it.

Listen to this explanation of the verse: "What Paul is saying is that a Christian may never do anything that he thinks is (or suspects may be) sin. And the point is--it is sin (and he is condemned by doing so) if he does eat in doubt. Note, he is not condemned because eating meat is wrong (Romans 14:14a), but because he went ahead and ate while thinking his act was (or might be) sin. It wasn't the eating that was sin, but his faithless act. His attitude toward God, expressed by that act, was rebellious. He thought, "This is (or might be) sin, but I'm going to do it anyway." That is where the sin enters the picture. "

THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD!!! Anotherwords, in all I do, I must be sure in my heart, by biblical principle, that I am not sinning. "Many good results flow from a faithful application of the holding(or "if it is doubltful, it's dirty") principle."

Well, more tomorrow!

One Touch

2006-02-14T09:27:00.000-06:00

Bus stories come to my mind over and over through the week and this one was a good one. If you have been reading my blog for long, you will remember Ciara. She is my 8 year old who got saved and baptized along with her mother recently. I called her "Miss Manipulator" as I was trying to point out to her that it was a sin to act in a sweet way just to get something. I think that we have corrected some of that behaviour. The last few weeks I have tried to be lovingly firm with her and give her an opportunity to obey me. You know, my mom used to tell me that my oldest child was good because I always gave him what he wanted. That really wasn't the truth but I do realize that I try my best to step around and issue and avoid conflict. So, I have tried not to do that with Ciara. She knows I love her and I think that is the most important thing before making demands.

She ended up beside me at some point in the ride to church. It wasn't long until I had to go to the back of the bus to make some corrections and then I had to stand up and lead the singing. So there she was right there on the front seat staring up at me. I can not remember who it was or why I wanted someone on the front seat but I asked Ciara to scoot over and let this person sit with her. She refused. I said "Ciara, remember, you must obey. This is what Jesus wants you to do." She still refused and I admonished her again. Soon enough, she gave in and scooted over. I was so busy that I barely complimented her about it.

In the afternoon, I remembered to give a few well-deserved praises to several children who had obviously done well in Junior church and on the bus. Ciara was standing in the aisle and she said, "Mrs. Cozart, I have been thinking about that this week. Sometimes when I don't get my way I throw fits and kick my feet, but when I was doing that this week I thought that Jesus would not be happy." I assured her that was right and that all she needed to do was tell Him she was sorry and she would be right back in fellowship with Him once again. I explained that she was still a baby christian and it took some growing up before she would be able to correct those problems.

Soon enough, I heard my name again. It was Ciara. She said "Mrs. Cozart, I heard something in my class today!' I questioned her further and she began to tell me the story that some Sunday School teacher had so diligently studied and told in a very memorable way. The story had been about the healing of the "death and dumb boy"! LOL I had to correct her and explain that deaf meant that he could not hear. But, do you know what stuck out in her mind more than anything else? This teacher had explained that Jesus healed that boy with just ONE TOUCH! Ciara looked at me with wondering eyes. "How did He do that with just one touch?" she asked. "Why, Ciara, Jesus is God and He has ALL POWER!"

Yes, Ciara, there is a God. His name is Jesus and He has ALL POWER. And if the touch you received was truly from Him, there is healing power in that touch---for the body, mind and soul!!!

Fifty is Nifty!

2006-02-12T21:49:00.000-06:00

Well, today Bus 5 had our goal of 50! It is amazing that they all came since we had snow flurries all day and I had a couple of calls to make sure we were running the bus. Sure enough, there were no slick roads and most everyone who promised me on Saturday they were coming came. There were a few exceptions so I have to get busy and work on them next week.

We had three first time riders and I believe two of them will continue to ride. Those two were neighbors of Shawna. She had told me a couple of times that they wanted to ride but she would tell me on Sunday morning when they didn't have time to get ready so on Saturday this week, after knocking on her door and not getting an answer, I decided to try the neighbors door. Sure enough I was met by a very gracious grandmother who told me that the 5 year old had wanted to ride the last two weekends and had cried and begged her mother to get to come. The grandmother had promised herself that she would try to call the church when I knocked on her door and caught her before she got the chance. She was very happy to let the children ride and I do believe they will continue. The little girl is 5 and her brother is 8. I can't wait to see what the Lord does in that situation.

The other visitor was a 12 year old friend of Christina. She didn't seem to be impressed too much. She lives on another bus route so I promised I would give her information to the other bus captain just in case she decides to ride again.

Another exciting thing that happened was that Chris, one of the new riders from several weeks ago got saved today. He is a sixth grader and seems to be very thoughtful. Praise the Lord that another soul has been rescued. I just pray that we can be instrumental in training him to be ALL that God wants him to be.

I had many opportunities to be a mom today!!Haley hadn't been on the bus very long until she said "Mrs. Cothart(she is only 5) my tummy hoowts." I thought....."OH NO....I sure wish I had gathered all those barf bags off the plane before we got off!!!" I just hugged her and asked if she thought she could make it just a few more minutes and she assured me she could. We were close to church so as soon as she got off she got a drink and seemed to recover nicely.

Caleb was on again and he and his sister allowed me to give them hugs and were very cooperative. They even both won prizes in junior church for being good!!!! Now that was very hard work for them.

One of the older girls slipped as she was coming out of the building to go to the bus after church and really skinned up her palms and a knee, which tore her jeans. She was pretty upset about it but we got to use the "Handy Dandy First Aid Kit". She didn't act too happy with me when I told her I had had worst scratches on my eyeball(An old saying that my dad used to tell us when we got a scratch).

I got to sit down and converse with a couple of the "Katrina" victims. Little Mikeal told me in his "N'arlens" lingo that someday he's moving back. He is only 7 so I guess he has a while to wait. He told me about having to go up in his attic when the storm was rising and bringing his puppy up there in his cage. If I understood him, he had to leave his dog there. How traumatic for a 7 year old. His cousin said they had to leave everything there.

The big girls were having their problems today. It was very hard to get their attention but I am very glad they were all on. We sang soooooooooooooo many songs! Though it was snowing outside, it was steamy in the bus with all the talking that was going on.

We are still getting prepared for the Bible Conference on Feb 20-24. The ensemble is learning and relearning several songs. Lord, please help Mike and I remember our words!!!!!

Bro. Himes preached a great sermon on the love of God this morning. I see that his young couples class is growing these days. Praise the Lord!!!

All in all, today was a GREAT Sunday. My cup is full!!!

Busy Day

2006-02-06T19:03:00.000-06:00

It was good to be back to the bus again this weekend. We had no new riders but still came in 1st place with 30 regulars. We have to get busy because my goal is to maintain 50 for a while.

The sweet little faces made me fall in love with every one of them again. I was able to pick up one teen girl that has been missing church for a few Sunday's and take her with me on visitation so that I could find out if something was wrong with her. Sure enough she broke down and unloaded her burden. Such tender hearts we have! She is still missing her youth pastor that has been gone for 2 years. She knew she was special to him. He visited in her home many times, was there when she got saved, talked to her family when she needed permission to get baptized. He did the same with her brother. He also encouraged her family to come several times. She is from a broken home and I suppose she had put all her emotions into the friendship she had with the Willises. She has had so many hurts in her life and this was just one more crushing blow. I assured her that I cared and needed her on the bus to help me. She is very good help and will do anything you ask her to gladly. She is also upset because she has no friends at school with the exception of two other girls from church who ride another bus. She said things are so bad at her school and she really wants to do the right thing. She needs so much prayer!!!

There are so many broken hearts and homes when you begin to deal with people! I am happy to be able to tell them there is hope!!!

I was thinking last night as we were practicing for our ensemble and for choir about all the songs we are singing. SUCH HOPE! Just read these words:
I carried a burden, a staggering weight,
And struggled for freedom but could not escape;
I trembled and cried at the thought of my fate,
What must I do to be saved?
I desprately searched for release from my pain
But found that man's wisdom was useless and vain,
Is there not a powr that can break every chain?
What must I do to be saved?

Jesus blood flows from Calvary,
Breaking Satan's power setting captives free,
Greatest gift of the greatest love,
Heaven paid the price with Calvary's blood!

And then there is this wonderful song:

The Bible stands tho the hills may tumble,
The Bible stands tho the earth may shatter and crumble;
I will plant my feet on it's sure foundation,
Tho all around is sinking sand, the Bible stands.

Like a mightly rock undaunted,
Mid the raging storms of time,
The Bible stands eternal,
And it glows with a light sublime,
Like a mountain high it towers,
Far above the works of men,
It has never been refuted,
Forever it shall stand.

Heaven's book will stand forever
When this world has passed away,
The lips of God have spoken,
Ev'ry word I will obey;
It will stand each test we give it,
For it's Author is divine,
God will give me strength to live it,
And to prove it and make it mine!

And then the newest ensemble song is such a blessing:

Deep within His loving heart,
God knew that sin would have to die.
Out of love for me and justice's plea,
a perfect lamb was His reply.

He lay aside His royal robe
To rescue my eternity;
Walked the dust of earth to die my death,
Driven by His love for me,

The Perfect Lamb from heaven's throne
Endured a death that was my own,
Almighty God, the great I AM,
Became my ransom as a perfect lamb.

Stained by sin, at a cross I stood,
Deserving of his judgment cry,
As a perfect lamb, King Jesus came,
And lay upon my cross to die.

With outstretched arms His blood flowed down,
His eyes of love invited me,
To enter in and live for Him,
Forgiven for eternity.

The Perfect Lamb from heaven's throne
Endured a death that was my own,
Almighty God, the great I AM,
Became my ransom as a perfect lamb.

What hope!!!!

We have a Bible Conference coming up Feb. 20-24 that will be so good. It is always very tiring but the preaching is such an uplifting to your soul.

I am still reading on my counseling books and learning so much.

II Peter 1:3
Blessed be the God and FAther of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

Worms

2006-02-02T23:29:00.000-06:00

Here I am at 11:27PM sitting up watching an anti-virus program download. Once upon a time I was protected on every side...I had McAfee and I had Norton....but now....search as I might...there is no anti-virus program on my computer. It seems that I had Norton until June of this past year. Don't know what happened to it.

Anyway with the threat of worms that will clean your harddrive, I expect that a little protection couldn't hurt.

I can't even imagine my life without a computer these days.....of course, you all know that it is going to be the "ruination of the world"!

Still waiting.......95%..........96%................................................97%...............................................98%.............
.............99%....100%....there it is! Hopefully I will get it installed in time!

Counseling Quandry

2006-02-01T07:43:00.000-06:00

The vacation is over and it's back to the regular grind. I am feeling very refreshed and excited about the future.

I know myself well enough to know that I really NEED to have challenge in my life. I do not discipline myself if I have too much time to spare. I have even said before that I do better if I am overextended. It seems that I have to be pushed in order to accomplish much. This is probably due to the fact that I have never learned to value every minute. Unless I am in a "tight-squeeze" the minutes seem to be of no value. I need to change that view.

For several years now I have had a great desire to pursue a counseling accreditation. What holds me back? The fact that I know myself and know that I NEED to have challenge in my life keeps me in a quandry about whether this desire is from the Lord or a vain attempt on my part to become indispensable. I know I love to help people. I know that there are so many people that NEED to be helped.

I first began to have a desire towards counseling due to some experiences online with people with very deep psychological problems. I found that God gave me a deep love for these people and that I was able to be used to help a few. I was besieged with feelings of inadequacy during this two year period but found that through yielding myself to the Holy Spirit, He continued to refresh me and give me what was needed to help these lost souls.

The help that was given came in listening and offering hope through teaching foundational, spiritual truths. I truly believe that everyone needs the foundation before they can build a satisfying and profitable life.

Through searching for help in this area of counseling, I was given a good piece of advice from a trusted friend who told me to check out Nouthetic Counseling. http://www.nanc.org I have for several years been reading several books from Dr. Jay Adams library. This week, I have ordered several more to further my desire for more education.

I don't really know how to proceed with this. Should I try to get the accreditation, which would mean much study and a trip to a training seminar or two. It also means that I must sit in with an accredited counselor for several hours of observation. I question my motives for all this. It is not that I want to pursue a career for monetary gain, though that would be a nice addition. My main purpose in pursuing this at all was to prepare myself to be of use even in my older years. Through the years I have had energy and an able body to contribute to the Lord's work. I see that in the next few years I will be slowing down and, as should be expected, not able to do the same amount of work. I love work. I love to help. I love people. I want to be an asset, never a liability. Are these reasons selfish on my part? I need to get my thoughts clearly established and eliminate the double mind!

I am praying!

Home Again!

2006-01-30T00:20:00.000-06:00

WE MADE IT!!!

You should have seen Millie's face when we walked in!! She was very happy to see us.

The flight was a little rougher than the flight down there as we were passing over a cold front. We made sure to get the first seats this time so that Mike didn't have to be so uncomfortable with his long legs. Also, we were right next to the bathroom so that made him feel better too.

We arrived almost 25 minutes early but by the time we got our luggage we only waited about 10 minutes before Casey and Ryan picked us up.

We enjoyed the ride home and feel so good that our children would have each one shared so much with us.

Grandma is still asleep so I guess we will hear from her in the morning.

Can't wait to go to bed in my big bed!!!

Thanks again, kids! We love you all!

PS...Mike has decided to take up white water rafting next!! HAHAHAHAHA

Sunny Sunday

2006-01-29T17:09:00.000-06:00

Well, it is about over! We went to church at Sarasota Baptist Church this morning. It was a bit different from what we are used to as they have "praise and worship" music with guitars and drums and a praise and worship team. They also have an orchestra that was good. The choir was very good and we had no trouble understanding the words to their song since they had them up on the screen.

The pastors sermon was on Jonah. This is a special book to me as I was saved as a small child and the sermon that was being preached when I went forward was about Jonah.

The pastor this morning preached about the cycle we go through in the christian life. I am trying to remember it.....Running.....Crying....Obedience....Judging. His point was that we are all somewhere in there. First we may be running from God. If so, God will orchestrate the things around us to bring us to Him. At that point we may cry to Him for deliverance. He presents us with a command to obey. As we obey Him and begin to once again grow closer to Him, our nature dictates to us that we judge. We may begin to judge those around us in comparison. We don't want to do that. We need to judge ourselves and then go back to obedience and make it a spiral instead of a circle. It was a good sermon and I must say, I had to check myself as the "layed back" attitude about dress and music was bringing out a little judgemental attitude in me. Lord, please forgive me.

We have supper to eat and then an hour trip to the St. Petersburg/Clearwater airport before our plane takes off at 9:25....arriving at home at 10:55. Lord give us safety!

Can't wait to sleep in my own bed tonight and I know Shawn and Shannon will be glad to do the same.

Saturday Sunset

2006-01-28T20:16:00.000-06:00

Awesome!!!! That is the only word I can think to describe my feelings about tonight. Ok...I am jumping ahead of myself.

We got up this morning and while the kiddos slept in, I did my laundry and fixed us some breakfast, then cleaned the kitchen back up. I got to catch up on my Bible reading and read some on my counseling book. Those were things I really needed to do.

When the kids got up we enjoyed a little time and then Shannon and I went to a friends house who is selling all of her earthly possesions in lieu of a trip to China as a teacher and missionary. Shannon got some nice things for just a few dollars.

We then went to Burger King for something to tide us over until supper.

We were to meet Tommy and Megan at 5:00 at the marina where Tommy's boat was docked. This was such a nice thing for him to do. This is his business and it would have cost us a lot of money to have gone on this "sunset cruise" if he had not offered. They brought me a nice bouquet of flowers which was totally unexpected.

I couldn't help but fight back tears as we started out. God's creation is so unique and beautiful!! The colors of the water, the sky, the beautiful homes, the clouds with the sun streaming through it and then the sun going over the horizon were all breathtaking. As it began to get dark, the lights of the city were spectacular.

After docking, we walked to an Italian restaurant and Mike and I had pizza. I will have to say that pizza is better than the seafood. Sorry...I just don't care that much for seafood! The night air was very comfortable.

I just can't believe we are experiencing all these things in January!

Well, tomorrow morning we will be going to Sarasota Baptist Church and then coming back to eat roast out of Shannons crockpot. Our flight home leaves at 9:?? so we will have to be at the airport around 8ish. We will leave more rested and with many good memories.

I would highly recommend the Sarasota area to anyone who wants to have a nice vacation. There are so many eating establishments and other fun things to do. You can always charter a fishing trip with Tommy also at www.catchthespiritfishing.com.

Well, I have to go wash the sea shells I gathered for the bus kids.....don't tell anyone but I think some of them were inhabited. I opened the sack this morning and the smell was less than pleasant.

Thank you Lord for allowing us to experience all these wonderful things. Your love and care are above measure!!!!!

Friday Fun

2006-01-28T11:00:00.000-06:00

Friday was a fun time! We got up leisurely and enjoyed breakfast while the kids slept in a bit.

We enjoyed our first Chick-Fil-A sandwich before leaving to take a tour. We went to Shannon's work and got the grand tour. She works for Cyberwize, in the corporate office. It reminded me of the old Amway days.

Then we took a trip to Shawn's work (Pacom) and met the workers there, two of which had those wonderful Australian accents.

We stopped by Coral Connection, which is where Shawn has gotten all his advice and help in setting up a salt water tank. He has also designed a nice website for them. www.coralconnectionsarasota.com

Then we went to Siesta Key Beach. This was Mike's first time on the beach. We all enjoyed it very much. The kids took Chewy there and he most certainly enjoyed the beautiful white sand and friendly people. I gathered many shells that I can't wait to wash and sort for my bus kids.

We then drove to Long Boat Key. This was another nice beach though not as deep. I gathered more shells and enjoyed it very much. The water was COLD!!!

On our way home we stopped by the apartments that Shawn and Shannon had lived in before. They are very nice also and not far from Long Boat Key.

We came home and put the Mexican Chicken in the oven to cook and then enjoyed that meal in front of the TV. After supper we watched War of the Worlds and then went to bed.

This is my kind of vacation. VERY RELAXED!! Thanks again, kids.

It is almost over and I look forward to getting back home and back into the groove. Hope Millie and Grandma survived!!!

Thursday Travels

2006-01-26T16:26:00.000-06:00

We just got back from a nice visit with the Pinkleys. They are such hospitable people.

They live in a very nice mobile home retirement place. They have so many nice things they can participate in with their peers. It is very peaceful there.

They took us out to eat at "Sweet Tomatoes", I think it was called. It has very good food which consists of a long salad bar, soups, breads, pizza, spaghetti and ice cream. It was very delicious.

We then went for a ride and saw the church they go to and orange trees and palm trees and also visited a little village where people have homes with garages for their airplanes. I believe that was called Lehigh something or other. We have certainly never seen anything like that before. The homes were built right beside a small airport and the planes are able to go right down the streets and into the garages of their owners. Very interesting. Just about the time you think you've see it all then here comes something else.

Adventure awaits tomorrow, I am sure.

Vacation Voicings

2006-01-25T12:48:00.000-06:00

This is such a blessing to be here with no real obligations! Shawn and Shannon have done a wonderful job providing a place of comfort and organization. Thank you to them and to Maleah and Casey for being so thoughtful to provide this. Also, while we are at it, thanks to Ryan who has given up his freedom to spend the week taking care of Millie and Grandma and who also gave us a ride to the airport at 5:30 in the morning and will be picking us up at 11:00 on this coming Sunday night. We do have some sweet and thoughtful children!

We enjoyed supper at Durango Steakhouse last night and then took a stroll on Lido Beach. It was not what you would call a "moonlit stroll", as it was very foggy. It was an experience. The sand truly is white and fine!

This is quite a different culture from Festus. For one thing, down by the beach there is a circle of shops and outdoor restaurants and nighttime is a busy time.

I heard on the news the other day that Sarasota is the #1 most unforgiving city in the United States to the homeless. I was thinking how horrible that was until we got here. I think I could shed light on that. For one thing, I don't think people are here unless they are tourists or rich enough to have a home. Even if you were homeless here you could sleep outside with no problem due to the moderate weather.

Tomorrow, we will be taking a trip down to Fort Myers to visit with the Pinkleys. They have a special place they are taking us out to eat. We may just have to ROLL home instead of fly!!

Friday we will be going fishing in the Bay if all works well and on Saturday, we are taking a sunset cruise. All of this is compliments of Shawn and Shannon's friend. http://www.catchthespiritfishing.com

Shan and I are having cooking time tonight. So,we will be relaxing at home.

I can't forget to gather LOTS of sea shells to take back with me for all the bus kids.

Enough for today!!

We're Here

2006-01-24T14:19:00.000-06:00

I am blogging from beautiful Florida! This is like a dream.

The flight was nice. Mike had never flown before but was unusually calm. It is alway uncomfortable for him in tight places since he has such long legs but thankfully, the flights was less than two hours long. I was able to sit by a window and it was so amazing to see God's creation from ABOVE the clouds. It was almost like we could see the south pole under us as the clouds were solid, puffy and white.

We were able to observe the air brakes and the wings the whole time. I did have a bit of trouble with my ear stopping up. It happened about half way there and never opened again until we were on the ground and lined up to get off the plane. It sure felt good when it opened up.

Shawn picked us up and it was great to see him again. I'll tell you, my boys sure are hairy!!! There he was, all 6'6" of him, still slim as a pencil, with a hairy face!!! His baby brother is also sporting a beard and LOTS of hair these days.

We enjoyed the drive to the apartment in Shawn's more roomy Rav4. We went to Burger King, which is a short way from the apartment and brought it home, only to find that the Whopper Jrs we ordered were DOUBLE WHOPPERS!!! Yikes!! I couldn't eat all that BUT I could help myself to several Ferrero Rocher, temptingly placed!!

Chewy is definitely a sweet granddog. He took a little nap with me and then we went out on the lenai and took in some sunshine and cool breezes. He now sits in my lap as I type. He really wishes I had a bigger lap.

The apartment is very nice and Shannon has done a great job of organizing my boy!! I noticed they even have a schedule of who does what jobs on what days....definitely a lot like his growing up days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HA HAHAHAHAHAHA Hats off to Shan!

Well, now that I know how to get on here, I will have plenty of time for blogging this week!!!

God is so good and His creation is beyond description!!! Thank you, Lord, for this much needed vacation!!

Quick Post

2006-01-23T09:31:00.000-06:00

Well, I am very excited and busy trying to get packed and cooking done for the "stay-behinders"! In the morning at 5:30, we have to leave the house to get to the airport in time for our 7:30 flight to Florida. I can't wait to be on the plane with Mike. He has never done this and I think we will REALLY enjoy it. He has always been fearful of flying but I'll bet he will really like it. Shawn and Shannon have a fishing trip planned for us on Friday. And on Thursday, we will be going down to Fort Myers for a visit with the Pinkleys.

On the homefront, yesterday was a good day on the busses. Bus 5 had 45 with three first timers. Lesalie got baptized and her mom and grandmother were both in the service to see that. She is precious and I just pray that she will begin to grow and teach her little brothers what it means to be a christian.

One first timer was a young girl that came with Cheyenne. In past posts I mentioned that Cheyenne had gotten saved and baptized this year. She has kind of lost interest somewhat so I was pleasantly surprised that she got on with a friend.

Shawna has told me about her friend, Angel, over and over and I have stopped to visit her before but got Dad and not much response. So Saturday, Shawna once again told me to stop at Angels house because her mom said she had to see me first. I did and had a pleasant visit with her mom and sure enough, she rode with us and I feel sure will continue to do so. She is in the third grade and has a little two year old sister named Katilyn that was cute as a button.

At the apartments, I happened to see a little guy out that I hadn't seen before. I followed him to his apartment and met his mom who is a student and was very excited to let him ride with us. She has two grandfathers that are Lutheran ministers. I expect that he will continue to ride and he has a friend across the hall that is also a prospect.

I continue to see my teens coming and at least being attentive in church. I had gotten bibles for two girls a few weeks ago and one of them said, "Mrs. Cozart, I don't know what to do with it!" I told her she just needed to read it. Of course, you know what Satan said to me......"Well, she can't understand that!!!" And then I recognized his voice and realized that if I could understand it, so could she. There is only one way.....through the leadership of the Holy Spirit. It did really burden me to start to teach a bit more in the small time slots that we can teach, a little about each book. We do try to say the books of the bible occasionally on the bus. My mind is working and maybe on our trip I will have some time to put some things down on paper.

Well, I got my Food Saver that I have wanted for two years. It is great BUT....I can't figure out how to make TV dinners. This is what I did, though. I took the roast, potatoes and carrots from yesterday and I vacumn-packed and froze them. The main problem was the gravy. Liquid can be pulled into the motor as it is vacumning so you either have to put a paper towel in the mouth of the sack to soak up the liquid or get a better idea. I decided to freeze the gravy in an ice tray. I then took the cubes and put them in a zip lock bag so that you can take as many cubes as you like and thaw either in a pan or in the microwave for your gravy.

I vacumn-packed cornbread in small servings, Malt-o-meal muffins, rolls, cookies. I also made vegetable soup and Mexican Chicken and put it in the refrigerator for warming up. Lastly, I made Buttermilk Brownies so that Ryan will have some breakfast!

Millie has been pretty down in the dumps. I think she senses we are leaving and she is staying with Grandma. When Ryan walked in she perked up. I suppose she thinks the time won't be too bad.

Well, gotta go pack. Just wait til I get back with my new tan!!!(Anyone who knows me, knows that is a joke!!)

Sunshiny Sunday

2006-01-17T10:04:00.000-06:00

Well, it gets harder and harder to do my updates! Our trip to Florida is fast approaching and is imperative that I keep Mike booked solidly before we have to leave. So, my time has been consumed on the phone and doing bookwork so that will not all be backed up when I get home.

Sunday was beautiful with a big load on the bus of 47. We had 3 first time visitors and most importantly a little 9 year old girl was saved. When she got on the bus to go home, we were a little discombobulated(I wonder if that is a word). Things are a little hectic when we are trying to make sure that we have as many on the bus to go home as we had coming in. But pretty soon, in the midst of trying to get a correct count, I heard Ashtin say..."Mrs. Cozart, I got saved today!!!!!" I assured her that I had seen her brought into "big church" to be announced. I gave her a hug and asked her if she understood what happened. "Yes!" she said. "I am going to heaven now!" I set down with her and explained that today was the day that she was "born again", today was her spiritual birthday. I explained that she had given her life to Jesus and that she would want to be obedient to Him and put aside the things she wanted to do if they were not what God wanted from her. Her eyes were wide and attentive. I explained that she needed to come to church and listen in class, read her bible and remember that when she prayed, God hears and He will NEVER leave her. I explained baptism and she was excited to try to get her family to come see her get baptized. I also told her that she needed to remember to tell other people because there were friends of hers that didn't know how to go to heaven. She excitedly said...."I'm going to tell my dad!!!!" Praise the Lord that He is still working His plan and we can see Him at work.

Another little guy, 8 years old, rode for the first time today. He was one of the New Orleans transplants and has some behavior problems. His mother assured me that he could ride the bus now because he has gotten his medicine. I was a little anxious but we had no trouble.

We always give a Snickers candy bar to each first timer and the person or persons who brought them. I handed little Mikael that candy bar and he had a big smile!!! I was busy passing out the other candy bars when I happened to catch a glimpse of him on the back seat. He was eating that candy bar like he hadn't had anything to eat in a year. Caramel was dripping off his lips and he had a sneaky look on his face. I thought, "Oh, bless his heart, he thinks he's not supposed to eat this on the bus." So, I assured him that it was ok for him to eat it.

I went back to the front of the bus to get started with our singing. We do love singing! From the back of the bus I heard a dreaded sound, "MIKAEL!!!" It snapped me back to reality! I had given him that CHOCOLATE candy and he wasn't supposed to have it!!!! Usually, when they take those medicines to help them control themselves, they also avoid caffeine and chocolate. I went straight to the back of the bus and took his little face in my hands. I said "Now Mikael, you weren't supposed to have that chocolate, were you?" He shook his head. I said, "Well, I want you to know that it is NOT chocolate that makes you be bad. You are bad when you do what the old devil wants you to do. The chocolate and the old devil together are not bigger than God. This bus belongs to Jesus and He doesn't want us to act bad on here so we will just pray that Jesus will help you keep from being bad. OK?" He shook that little angelic head in the affirmative and that was the last time I heard anyone scream his name. Of course, he was off the bus within 15 minutes of getting on so I am sure that was a help. I just hope his mother didn't have problems with him in the afternoon. I can't wait to see what the future holds for our dealings with that little one. Maybe, like the little boy whose father begged Jesus to heal his little boy who threw himself into the fire, this little one will understand and be healed!

Mt 17:14 (KJV) And when they were come to the multitude, there came to him a certain man, kneeling down to him, and saying,
15 Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water.
16 And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him.
17 Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.
18 And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour.

Yes, the Healer is here!

The other visitor was a 14 year old girl that visited with a friend. My husband even remarked that she was certainly listening intently during the sermon. I had already observed on the bus that when we started singing, all of her friends (three girls her age) were singing with much gusto, and she acted as if it shocked her. Soon that shock turned to curiosity and she began to try to sing also. Of course, we do a lot of chants on the bus so it is easy for everyone to participate, even if they don't know all the songs. I just couldn't help praying that God would bring this one to Himself also. She assured me that she would like us to pick her up at her house, though she would not be home this coming Sunday.

Fourteen is such a turbulent year. Of her friends, the majority of them have family problems and they need so much to trust the Lord. Satan is launching an all out attack to get them to be fearful especially in physical situations. Hormones play a big roll in this, I am sure but we have several girls who have experienced "anxiety attacks"; which brings me to the next funny story.

Kelcee is a second grader. She has lots of siblings from many different family combinations. She is her mother's baby and a bit whiny. She came to the front of the bus early on the morning ride to ask me if she could go to the 4th grade class with one of her step sisters. When I acted unsure she said, "Do you know I have "anxiety attacks"? OH MY!!!! I put my arm around that little one and had quite a discussion about how she has no reason to be afraid on the bus or at Sunday School. I reminded her that she can always pray and Jesus can help her when she is afraid. BTW, she did go to her regular class. Later, her big sister said, "Mrs. Cozart, Kelcee could really have a heart attack, you know." I assured her that Jesus was in control of that and she shouldn't be putting that thought in her sisters mind. She said "My mom said that!" What do we do!!! I just pray that some way we can make a difference and give hope that will be passed on to the parents.

That about wraps up the fun we had Sunday. I look forward to next weekend and then to our trip on Tuesday to Florida!!!

Blessings Again

2006-01-08T20:55:00.000-06:00

I really love the life that we have. Oh, there are a few things that could be changed but basically it is very fulfilling.

It is a blessing to be used in the Lord's service. I pray that until my dying day I will be able to be used in some way!!

I have had a few thoughts about what to type next but it seems that I need to say, whatever God has for my future will be for my good, whatever that may be.

Bus 5 was the number one bus again today with 33. We had no first time visitors and Bus 3 is sneaking up on us with 30 or 31 and they had 4 first time visitors. Those first time visitors are what increases the bus attendance and ensures steady growth!

Several things of interest happened today. For one thing C____ came today. She is a sweetie; cute as a button but very much a deceiver and manipulator for her 7 years. She knows how to look at you and how to say things just right to get her way, whether it be to fain an illness or cry because someone has hurt her feelings. You just can't help loving her but you know she is deceitful.

In my couselor reading I have read about how wrong it is to "support" someone when they are doing wrong. It hit me yesterday when this little one tried to tell me that she had another friend that she was going to invite and could she have a piece of bubble gum to give to her. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, I said something about her being a manipulator. She didn't know what that meant so I explained that it was someone that might use cute looks or nice words to get people to do what they wanted. She just giggled and I dropped it. Today she began with her little deceitful ways and I thought....."NO, this needs to be addressed!" So I again mentioned something about her being "a little manipulator"!! I said it is a teasing way to try to get her attention to what I was trying to show her. The next thing I knew, she was crying. I went back and put my arm around her and asked why she was crying. Of course, she said I had hurt her feelings. I hugged her up and put her on my lap and told her I was truly sorry for hurting her feelings but I took the opportunity to talk again about the manipulation. I explained that it was the opposite of being honest. I explained that when she lied, she was breaking God's commandment and that sin was against Him. She has asked Jesus into her heart and she and her mom both were baptized several months ago. So, I used that to try to show her that she had given her life to Jesus and she needed to understand that Jesus did not want her to be a manipulator. I assured her of my love and told her I would be praying for her to be able to get control of those actions. She hugged me and hopefully, it will make a difference in her life some day.

Tina was at church today. She used to ride Bus 5 but has moved and is now riding Bus 4. It tickles me that she comes pretty faithfully. She is an adult that has had quite a life. She has three children that are obviously from three different fathers. From what she has told me, she had a pretty dysfunctional childhood. Her sister still lives on our route and I have tried to get her to come but she told me recently that she was too young(She is probably 25-26) and she doesn't want to quit having fun yet. I must continue to pray and go to Amy.

Then there was the 6th grade boy who rode for his second time. His sister came with him on Skating Sunday. There was mass confusion that day and I really didn't get to talk to them much. His sister was sick this morning but he came anyway. I could tell by his expression on the way home that he was in deep thought so I sit down beside him and asked him if everything was ok. He thought a minute and then said he thought so. I couldn't leave that alone so I said, "Is there something that you have heard that was confusing?" He let me know that he had heard some confusing things.

I began to try to pinpoint what it was but he was unable to put it into words. So I began to question him about his past church going. He had gone to a church that teaches more a good works philosophy.

In a short 15 minutes, I tried to question things he understood, only to find out that he was really in the dark even about Creation. I told him to please feel free to ask me anything if he needed to talk and he promised he would. He also promised that he would keep coming.

God was at work and many things He was doing, I am sure did not catch my attention. Thank you, Lord for showing me what you did.

I sang a song this morning called "Free To Go Home". I heard this song on the new Collingsworth CD that I got for Christmas. I had heard the song years ago but they sang new life into it. It spoke to me in such a sweet way and I just knew that this had to be my next solo.

I love to watch the Lord do his work of healing and stirring of hearts. I sang and I saw several people who were touched, just as I was with the words.

When I heard the song, it spoke volumns to me about how the freedom from Satan's shackles was such a blessing. I am NOT free from sin, but praise the Lord, I do not have to be a slave to it, and that's what was such a blessing to me in the song. But God, in His grace let it minister to a couple of families in the congregation that had recently lost loved ones. I am in awe of His working. The song was as follows:

He was feared, despised and banished,
The disease even ate at his soul
But when the work of the Master was finished,
He was clean and free to go home.

She was guilty, ashamed and defeated,
She deserved all the threats and the stones,
But when the Lord brought respect, love and pardon,
All she knew she was free to go home.

Chorus:
Free to go home, Free to go home,
He freed me so I could go home,
He came where I was in wonderful love,
Now I’m free, free to go home.

I was sick, guilty and dying,
I couldn’t face the loved ones I’d known,
But the Master of love’s re-creation
Made me worthy and free to go home.

I’m free from the fear of tomorrow,
I’m free from the guilt of the past,
For I’ve traded my shackles for a glorious song,
I’m free, free to go home.
I’m free, free to go home!

Bro. Himes preached two good messages in Jeremiah today. This morning the sermon was "Stay Close and Clean" speaking of the linen girdle that God told Jeremiah to wear and then to go bury. He then told him to go find it again and see that it was marred and unusable. His point was that we are, just like the girdle(which was like a belt) to stay close to the Lord and by staying close we could avoid the marring of sin on our lives.

Tonight he spoke on "How to Face Adversity". He explained how that God uses adversity in our lives to bring us to the place He needs us.

I'm excited about the trip very soon and we are going to get to not only visit Shawn and Shannon but probably will take a little trip down to Fort Myers to see Bro. & Mrs. Pinkley. That should be fun.

Hopefully, this post will clear my mind so I can go to sleep tonight!

Rethinking!

2006-01-05T15:15:00.000-06:00

"When I think back about my line of thinking back in those days, I realize that I did not view my children properly. I somehow thought that if I constantly uplifted and encouraged them, that would produce the goodness I wished to see. This is where I went wrong. "

This is a paragraph from my post on November 16 of last year. Some of my new studies have given light to understanding that statement. I have been influenced by a common thought pattern of this culture.

Dr. Adams, in "The Christian Couselors Manual", has explained that there are several thoughts involved in the area of psychology today. Simply put, we are most familiar with Dr. Freud's views which assesses man to be a sociable animal(notice-not responsible to a Creator). He explains that a man has problems when he is not socialized properly. People in authority over him exercise constraints and depending upon his own personality they may impose a structure that was not meant to be his, thus causing psychological problems. Therefore, we have the common thought that the parents and stronger authority figures are the problem.

In order to take care of the problem, an expert, such as a psychologist, is the only person qualified to help an individual with these problems. The expert must, through a series of questions, identify the offending party (Mom is usually a real good place to start), and then take the place of that authority in this patient's life so as to recondition and resocialize him into ignoring the guilt and pricks of his conscience that a "going against the rules" will produce. OH MY!!! That one is easy for me to see through. Any bible-believing Christian has no trouble understanding that scripture violently opposes that view. Just read the book of Proverbs and see the many exhortations to obeying parents and authority!

But I was unaware of the sly trick of Satan in the work of Dr. B. F. Skinner. He, too, believes that only an expert can affect change in an individual but rather than employ a listening and advising stance, he goes to science and behavior modification.

Remember this that he, once again, believes in man as an animal and not responsible to a Creator. He believes man's problem is due to his environment and a modification of actions and reactions will settle the issue once and for all. Another words, he doesn't believe it is the individuals fault, we are all inherently good. All we need is for everyone to properly react to us with reward and punishment and our ills will be solved. There are two popular shows on TV now that are using this approach.

This is the one that seemed so feasible and right to me as I parented. I hated to see parents that were so harsh and corrected those children in front of others. I tried to always respect my child's privacy and never to embarrass him or her. I tried to reward the good acts and was very careful about punishment.

So, what was wrong with that? Plenty! For one thing, I had a hard time grasping that my child(though I knew it very well) was just a little sinner. I never thought that I would fall for the trick of thinking that my child was somehow different in that respect but "mother's love" is so faulty and impressionable.

What I should have been teaching my children is that the Bible is the final authority since it was written by our Creator. We are responsible to Him. We live and breathe for His glory. When we disobey His commandments, it is sin and we are responsible to Him for it.

To this day, I find myself watching for the "underdog" on the bus and trying to "love" him into right actions. I must come to grips with the fact that my "love" is powerless unless yielded to the working of the Holy Spirit. He alone can minister to a child through my "love".

This really is deep thinking and can influence a person to depression if not for the reality that we, as Christians, do have hope!! We are sinners! We do have problems! But there is not one that can not be handled when we properly yield, first of all, our souls to Him and then our lives to the obedience of His commandments. He is a gracious and loving God and has provided, not only, for our eternal salvation but for our victorious daily living.

Proverbs 6:20
"My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother."

New Study

2006-01-05T08:06:00.000-06:00

I have determined thatone of my goals for this year will be to read through my bible once again. I am also going to put a lot of effort into the studying the Nouthetic Christian Counseling books I already have on hand and possibly ordering more.

For the past few days, I have been reading "The Christian Couselor's Manual" by Jay Adams. (these books may be ordered though www.timelesstexts.com).

This book is confirming in my mind that my upbringing was true and righteous. I remember so well how my parents would never let me by with making excuses. I knew better than to try. There was always the line that was drawn that was based on scripture and if I crossed it, then I must suffer the consequences. My parents would never state the answer, they would ask questions until I came up with the answer myself, and it was a concrete answer. God's word could not be challenged.

There was never the excuse that someone had wronged me. I was always brought back to the fact that I was not responsible for anyone but me and my reactions. That is simplistic but certainly freeing!

I have no hope other than "in Christ". I am a sinful wretch and worth nothing without His transforming power. See how freeing that is!! There is hope and it is not in my own flesh! There is no limit to what He can do! There is definitely limits to what I can do!!

One chapter deals with reconciliation which is a very important and basic problem we deal with. The following paragraph begins the chapter:

"Reconciliation is a change of relationship between persons (God and man; man and man) that involves at least three elements: (1) confession of sin to God and to any others who have been offended; (2) forgiveness by God and by the one who has been offended; (3) the establishment of a new relationship between the offender and God and between the offender and the offended party (parties). In reconciliation, enmity and alienation are replaced by peace and fellowship."

That is so fundamental to our happiness in life. Let's face it, if we became hermits we would never have to deal with someone that crosses our path and challenges us. We could do things our own way without fear of judgement, or challenge. Few people are able to actually live like that so we must learn to relate to other people as God challenges us to do.

One of the main situations that is fundamental to our getting along in the world, is our relationship with our spouse. If we can not even get along and live with our spouse in a life of godly love, then how can we possibly be used by the Holy Spirit to reach out to others?

Dr. Adams confronts the situation of christians who choose to live a life that is desire-oriented rather than commandment-oriented. The example of the marriage relationship problem is dealt with here. On page 119 he expounds further with this excerpt:

"For instance, a husband and wife may say, "I guess there is nothing left to our marriage---no love---no feeling---nothing," and thereby hope that the Christian counselor will concede tht a divorce is allowable on other than scriptural grounds. If they can get him to agree to this, they hope that their bad consciences over what they have already determined to do may be salved. They vainly look for balm in Gilead. But, instead, the nouthetic counselor replies: "I am sorry to hear that. I guess you will have to confess your sin and learn how to love one another , then." Their reaction to this usually is sheer astonishment.

"But" they protest, "we told you that we don't feel anything for each other any more."

"I understand, but that is irrelevant; God says that you must love one another. When you learn to do so, the feelings of love will follow. Love is not feeling first; it begins with obedient living."

"What? Do you mean to say that we must try to love one another contrary to all of our feelings?"

"Exactly!"

"But wouldn't that be hypocrisy?"

"No, that would be obedience to God who has commanded: 'Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her' (Ephesians 5:25). Joe, God says that you are responsible to love Phyllis; love begins with the husband, whose love must reflect the love of Jesus Christ (I John 4:19)."

"Oh, I couldn't love her that way!"

"Well, then, start at a lower level. Christ commanded: 'Love your neighbor as yourself' (Matthew 22:39) As Paul observed, she is your closest neighbor; you have to live with her (Ephesians 5:28-31)."

"I don't think I could do that either."

"All right, then, we'll begin at the lowest level of all: 'Love your enemies" (Matthew 5:44)! You see, there is no escape; God commands love, even toward an enemy. The two of you must repent of your sin and by the help of God learn to love each other, even if you begin by loving as enemies."

"But how can I love an enemy?"

"As I said, love is not feeling first. Hollywood and the TV have taught us that fallacious doctrine. Christians must reject it. Love is not getting but rather giving; ' God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son' (John 3:16); 'He loved me and gave Himself for me' (Galatians 2:20); and remember also Ephesians 5:25 that I just quoted. When you learn to give of yourself---your time, your money, your interest---you will eventually feel what you now want. But that feeling, to be enduring, must be the fruit, not the root of love. When you invest enough of yourself in another, you will feel what you wish for him: 'Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also' (Matthew 6:21). The "heart" speaks of the whole man, including his feelings."

"Well...perhaps; but, it still seems hypocritical."

"No, it is never hypocritical to obey God. You have fallen into a trap of the devil in thinking that it is. Every morning...contrary to my feelings (all of which encourage me to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep)---I get up. Does that make me a hypocrite?"

"No, I guess not."

"What would make me a hypocrite, then?"

"Well, I suppose if you went about bragging that you loved to get up in the morning."

"Precisely! Now, if the Scriptures commands you give in concrete ways to your enemy (a 'cup of cold water' or 'something to eat' when he is hungry or thirsty); i.e., if you care for his needs, even though at first you don't feel like it, does that make you a hypocrite?"

"Well...I guess not."

"What would?"

"If you said that you felt like doing it."

"Right again. So, you see, it is not hypocrisy to work at love at all. That is the lie of Satan, who wants you to rationalize your desires not to give of yourselves to one another by excusing your failure with the protest that obedience to God without feeling is hypocrisy."

I don't know about you but this speaks volumes to me. I suppose this may mean I am to learn to love my mother-in-law more by serving her!

Thank you, Lord, that You are long-suffering!

Happy New Year 2006

2006-01-01T21:50:00.000-06:00

Can you believe it is 2006 already? I will warn you younger people that the calendar passes by faster every year you age!

I've tried to think that through and I believe that the reason for that is that as you age, things are less awesome and mysterious to you. You don't anticipate things like you did when you were younger and not real sure how things worked. As you age, it all becomes "old hat".
I suppose that is why it is so neat for older people to stay around the young crowd. It helps you focus on things like a child sees them.

Depressing news for Bus 5 today. We had only 17 people which included 3 workers today. Too many people stayed up all night watching the ball drop or whatever they did!!!

We did have one little girl that came forward for salvation today. She is a 3rd grader. I was telling her how happy I was for her when she volunteered that the other two times she didn't really understand. That brought back old memories.

I asked Jesus to save me when I was 5 years old and I know that I understood the basics at that time but years later I dealt with such lack of assurance until my early 20's. My burden for these children is to help them understand the theology behind salvation. I know what it is but need to study it more to be able to express it in younger terms. Someday, I would really like to write a book for children about this wonderful gift of salvation. It is such a beautiful present but so many people never open it. Anotherwords, they accept Jesus as their Savior but then they selfishly put Him on a shelf.....dust him off on Sunday morning and go to church, then put him back on the shelf until an emergency comes up. I am convinced that there is so much more to salvation than I have experienced in my life.

I feel like Paul who said "O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" I try so hard to be consistent in my spiritual life but the struggle is too much sometimes.

For instance, I have had several weeks now where the bible reading has been put to the back of the list of things to do. I can really tell it in my thought pattern and in my reaction to things. I hate being in this place and I know that the only thing that will bring me out is to determine to go back to "The Book" and put it in an important part of my life again.

Lord, how I need you to strengthen me in the spirit.

Christmas 2005

2005-12-25T22:44:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas from our house to yours!!!

What a fun time. We all enjoyed time together with the WHOLE family. We got to have Shawn and Shannon and Ryan and Maleah over on Thursday night for supper. Then on Saturday night, we ate Christmas Dinner at Maleah's house and opened presents. The biggest surprise was the gift from the kids of a trip to Florida for Mike and I. I can't wait to do that. Mike is willing to fly for the first time in his life and that will be so much fun.

On Sunday, I was so happy to have ALL of my children and their spouses in church with us. God has blessed us richly.

Poor Chewy was cold in Maleah's house!

Now there he is! Our first Granddog! Chewie Cozart

Grandpa loved him too!

Florida bound!

He Still Reigns

2005-12-19T06:54:00.000-06:00

God is on His throne and all is well with the world.

Bus 5 was the #1 bus again this Sunday with 47 and 2 first time riders. That was a much more manageable group than the 78 from last week.

I want to make a New Year's resolution. I am not much for making these as I never seem to finish my year with the same great resolve with which I started. It is very defeating, but on the other hand, if I never set any goals, I seem to stay in the same rut. My resolution needs to be thought out and made definite instead of just making a blanket statement.

My concerns for the bus are that while it is no trouble to get children on the bus, I continue to run across more adults who rode the busses to Second Baptist Church as a child and are now living in sin. I have asked a few what they got from church but have never been convinced that they got much of anything. In fact, it seems to be of no significance in their lives at all. How do we make a difference, or is that any of my business? Is it the Lord's business only to work in the lives of these children? Do I have a part in that?

I try to be a "mother" to these children and as long as the numbers stay low enough that I can talk with each one on one, I feel I can have some influence on each. As our numbers grow, it becomes unmanageable.

For instance, we have a family group that comes and several different parts of the family make up approximately 8-10 children. This does not include the 5-6 other children that come as a result of the family group. There are a number of young teen girls in this group. They are very respectful but now that they have been riding a while, they are beginning to get out of hand. Being young teens, the hormones are raging and now I am getting some comments and actions that are not appropriate for the church bus.

This post was started awhile back and I just found that I had not finished it. It is now December 31st and very appropriately I saw it again.

As I visited today I was struck by several young teen girls who have had panic attacks. I can not help but want to mother these children. My work is to try to be there and be an adult that they can respect and look up to and confide in if needed.

Yes 2006 looks to be a promising year.

Things I Know

2005-12-15T07:13:00.000-06:00

I know that God is aware of every aspect of my life.
I know that though my physical body aches, I have a new body that I will inherit for eternity.
I know that my God shall supply ALL my need.
I know my sins are forgiven.
I know that God's word is true.
I know that joy comes from the Lord.
"I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever; nothing can be put to it, nor anything taken from it; and God doeth it, that men should fear before him." Ecclesiastes 3:14
"I know that the Lord is great, and our Lord is above all gods." Ps 135:5
" For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not." Romans 7:18
"For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth:" Job 19:25

Wild and Wonderful Weekend

2005-12-12T18:22:00.000-06:00

I'm tired!! The weekend is over and I feel like a big fluffy pillow with all the feathers taken out!

I did my bus visitation SAturday and got home around 3. Maleah and Ryan were here and we enjoyed fellowship with them. I cooked Chicken Carbonara much to Grandma's dismay.

Grandma is feeling much better after a trip to the hospital and a round of very strong antibiotic. She was on a liquid/soft diet for over a week. She is gradually coming back around.

Sunday was the kind of day that I dread. It was "Skating Sunday". Our church does this usually about twice a year. They take all the bus kids to the skating rink and treat them to hot dogs and drinks and let them skate an hour for free. I dislike this time because the children tend to be very excited. There are those that lose shoes and those that fall and hurt themselves and those that are so tired when they get on the bus that they are uncontrollable. As long as you have a reasonable crowd it can be fun but yesterday we ended up with a total of 78 on our bus. We had 10 first time visitors. So, things were a bit hectic.

I had a part in our children's choir Christmas play and had not practiced with them but once since they practice during adult choir practice; therefore, I was spared the trip to the skating rink and the crowded ride home. The Children's choir director kept them after church and made sure they ate and had plenty of time to practice. We went home and ate and then came back to practice at 2:00. Mike was playing the piano for them so he was involved too.

We practiced on that until 5:00 and then practiced on the mixed ensemble until 5:30 and then on the adult choir until 6:30. Then we had church which included the childrens play and then a short message.

There is so much about yesterday that was wonderful but to be honest I was lost in paper work and making sure that the bus workers had lists of who was on the bus and who got candy bars(first time visitors and the people that invited them get Snickers candy bars). It was a lot of work and kept me out of Sunday School and church. After I got my records straightened, I then helped them put together the almost 500 hot dogs.

There were a couple of visitors on the bus that I can't wait to visit with this next Saturday.

Only eternity will tell what was really happening on "Skating Sunday"! By the way, my hat is off to Bro. Odom, our bus driver and Buddy and David and Mrs. Primo who stepped in to help out in my absence. It takes a village to run a bus route, you know!!!

II Corinthians 9:8
"And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work."