New Study
I have determined thatone of my goals for this year will be to read through my bible once again. I am also going to put a lot of effort into the studying the Nouthetic Christian Counseling books I already have on hand and possibly ordering more.
For the past few days, I have been reading "The Christian Couselor's Manual" by Jay Adams. (these books may be ordered though www.timelesstexts.com).
This book is confirming in my mind that my upbringing was true and righteous. I remember so well how my parents would never let me by with making excuses. I knew better than to try. There was always the line that was drawn that was based on scripture and if I crossed it, then I must suffer the consequences. My parents would never state the answer, they would ask questions until I came up with the answer myself, and it was a concrete answer. God's word could not be challenged.
There was never the excuse that someone had wronged me. I was always brought back to the fact that I was not responsible for anyone but me and my reactions. That is simplistic but certainly freeing!
I have no hope other than "in Christ". I am a sinful wretch and worth nothing without His transforming power. See how freeing that is!! There is hope and it is not in my own flesh! There is no limit to what He can do! There is definitely limits to what I can do!!
One chapter deals with reconciliation which is a very important and basic problem we deal with. The following paragraph begins the chapter:
"Reconciliation is a change of relationship between persons (God and man; man and man) that involves at least three elements: (1) confession of sin to God and to any others who have been offended; (2) forgiveness by God and by the one who has been offended; (3) the establishment of a new relationship between the offender and God and between the offender and the offended party (parties). In reconciliation, enmity and alienation are replaced by peace and fellowship."
That is so fundamental to our happiness in life. Let's face it, if we became hermits we would never have to deal with someone that crosses our path and challenges us. We could do things our own way without fear of judgement, or challenge. Few people are able to actually live like that so we must learn to relate to other people as God challenges us to do.
One of the main situations that is fundamental to our getting along in the world, is our relationship with our spouse. If we can not even get along and live with our spouse in a life of godly love, then how can we possibly be used by the Holy Spirit to reach out to others?
Dr. Adams confronts the situation of christians who choose to live a life that is desire-oriented rather than commandment-oriented. The example of the marriage relationship problem is dealt with here. On page 119 he expounds further with this excerpt:
"For instance, a husband and wife may say, "I guess there is nothing left to our marriage---no love---no feeling---nothing," and thereby hope that the Christian counselor will concede tht a divorce is allowable on other than scriptural grounds. If they can get him to agree to this, they hope that their bad consciences over what they have already determined to do may be salved. They vainly look for balm in Gilead. But, instead, the nouthetic counselor replies: "I am sorry to hear that. I guess you will have to confess your sin and learn how to love one another , then." Their reaction to this usually is sheer astonishment.
"But" they protest, "we told you that we don't feel anything for each other any more."
"I understand, but that is irrelevant; God says that you must love one another. When you learn to do so, the feelings of love will follow. Love is not feeling first; it begins with obedient living."
"What? Do you mean to say that we must try to love one another contrary to all of our feelings?"
"Exactly!"
"But wouldn't that be hypocrisy?"
"No, that would be obedience to God who has commanded: 'Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her' (Ephesians 5:25). Joe, God says that you are responsible to love Phyllis; love begins with the husband, whose love must reflect the love of Jesus Christ (I John 4:19)."
"Oh, I couldn't love her that way!"
"Well, then, start at a lower level. Christ commanded: 'Love your neighbor as yourself' (Matthew 22:39) As Paul observed, she is your closest neighbor; you have to live with her (Ephesians 5:28-31)."
"I don't think I could do that either."
"All right, then, we'll begin at the lowest level of all: 'Love your enemies" (Matthew 5:44)! You see, there is no escape; God commands love, even toward an enemy. The two of you must repent of your sin and by the help of God learn to love each other, even if you begin by loving as enemies."
"But how can I love an enemy?"
"As I said, love is not feeling first. Hollywood and the TV have taught us that fallacious doctrine. Christians must reject it. Love is not getting but rather giving; ' God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son' (John 3:16); 'He loved me and gave Himself for me' (Galatians 2:20); and remember also Ephesians 5:25 that I just quoted. When you learn to give of yourself---your time, your money, your interest---you will eventually feel what you now want. But that feeling, to be enduring, must be the fruit, not the root of love. When you invest enough of yourself in another, you will feel what you wish for him: 'Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also' (Matthew 6:21). The "heart" speaks of the whole man, including his feelings."
"Well...perhaps; but, it still seems hypocritical."
"No, it is never hypocritical to obey God. You have fallen into a trap of the devil in thinking that it is. Every morning...contrary to my feelings (all of which encourage me to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep)---I get up. Does that make me a hypocrite?"
"No, I guess not."
"What would make me a hypocrite, then?"
"Well, I suppose if you went about bragging that you loved to get up in the morning."
"Precisely! Now, if the Scriptures commands you give in concrete ways to your enemy (a 'cup of cold water' or 'something to eat' when he is hungry or thirsty); i.e., if you care for his needs, even though at first you don't feel like it, does that make you a hypocrite?"
"Well...I guess not."
"What would?"
"If you said that you felt like doing it."
"Right again. So, you see, it is not hypocrisy to work at love at all. That is the lie of Satan, who wants you to rationalize your desires not to give of yourselves to one another by excusing your failure with the protest that obedience to God without feeling is hypocrisy."
I don't know about you but this speaks volumes to me. I suppose this may mean I am to learn to love my mother-in-law more by serving her!
Thank you, Lord, that You are long-suffering!
For the past few days, I have been reading "The Christian Couselor's Manual" by Jay Adams. (these books may be ordered though www.timelesstexts.com).
This book is confirming in my mind that my upbringing was true and righteous. I remember so well how my parents would never let me by with making excuses. I knew better than to try. There was always the line that was drawn that was based on scripture and if I crossed it, then I must suffer the consequences. My parents would never state the answer, they would ask questions until I came up with the answer myself, and it was a concrete answer. God's word could not be challenged.
There was never the excuse that someone had wronged me. I was always brought back to the fact that I was not responsible for anyone but me and my reactions. That is simplistic but certainly freeing!
I have no hope other than "in Christ". I am a sinful wretch and worth nothing without His transforming power. See how freeing that is!! There is hope and it is not in my own flesh! There is no limit to what He can do! There is definitely limits to what I can do!!
One chapter deals with reconciliation which is a very important and basic problem we deal with. The following paragraph begins the chapter:
"Reconciliation is a change of relationship between persons (God and man; man and man) that involves at least three elements: (1) confession of sin to God and to any others who have been offended; (2) forgiveness by God and by the one who has been offended; (3) the establishment of a new relationship between the offender and God and between the offender and the offended party (parties). In reconciliation, enmity and alienation are replaced by peace and fellowship."
That is so fundamental to our happiness in life. Let's face it, if we became hermits we would never have to deal with someone that crosses our path and challenges us. We could do things our own way without fear of judgement, or challenge. Few people are able to actually live like that so we must learn to relate to other people as God challenges us to do.
One of the main situations that is fundamental to our getting along in the world, is our relationship with our spouse. If we can not even get along and live with our spouse in a life of godly love, then how can we possibly be used by the Holy Spirit to reach out to others?
Dr. Adams confronts the situation of christians who choose to live a life that is desire-oriented rather than commandment-oriented. The example of the marriage relationship problem is dealt with here. On page 119 he expounds further with this excerpt:
"For instance, a husband and wife may say, "I guess there is nothing left to our marriage---no love---no feeling---nothing," and thereby hope that the Christian counselor will concede tht a divorce is allowable on other than scriptural grounds. If they can get him to agree to this, they hope that their bad consciences over what they have already determined to do may be salved. They vainly look for balm in Gilead. But, instead, the nouthetic counselor replies: "I am sorry to hear that. I guess you will have to confess your sin and learn how to love one another , then." Their reaction to this usually is sheer astonishment.
"But" they protest, "we told you that we don't feel anything for each other any more."
"I understand, but that is irrelevant; God says that you must love one another. When you learn to do so, the feelings of love will follow. Love is not feeling first; it begins with obedient living."
"What? Do you mean to say that we must try to love one another contrary to all of our feelings?"
"Exactly!"
"But wouldn't that be hypocrisy?"
"No, that would be obedience to God who has commanded: 'Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her' (Ephesians 5:25). Joe, God says that you are responsible to love Phyllis; love begins with the husband, whose love must reflect the love of Jesus Christ (I John 4:19)."
"Oh, I couldn't love her that way!"
"Well, then, start at a lower level. Christ commanded: 'Love your neighbor as yourself' (Matthew 22:39) As Paul observed, she is your closest neighbor; you have to live with her (Ephesians 5:28-31)."
"I don't think I could do that either."
"All right, then, we'll begin at the lowest level of all: 'Love your enemies" (Matthew 5:44)! You see, there is no escape; God commands love, even toward an enemy. The two of you must repent of your sin and by the help of God learn to love each other, even if you begin by loving as enemies."
"But how can I love an enemy?"
"As I said, love is not feeling first. Hollywood and the TV have taught us that fallacious doctrine. Christians must reject it. Love is not getting but rather giving; ' God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son' (John 3:16); 'He loved me and gave Himself for me' (Galatians 2:20); and remember also Ephesians 5:25 that I just quoted. When you learn to give of yourself---your time, your money, your interest---you will eventually feel what you now want. But that feeling, to be enduring, must be the fruit, not the root of love. When you invest enough of yourself in another, you will feel what you wish for him: 'Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also' (Matthew 6:21). The "heart" speaks of the whole man, including his feelings."
"Well...perhaps; but, it still seems hypocritical."
"No, it is never hypocritical to obey God. You have fallen into a trap of the devil in thinking that it is. Every morning...contrary to my feelings (all of which encourage me to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep)---I get up. Does that make me a hypocrite?"
"No, I guess not."
"What would make me a hypocrite, then?"
"Well, I suppose if you went about bragging that you loved to get up in the morning."
"Precisely! Now, if the Scriptures commands you give in concrete ways to your enemy (a 'cup of cold water' or 'something to eat' when he is hungry or thirsty); i.e., if you care for his needs, even though at first you don't feel like it, does that make you a hypocrite?"
"Well...I guess not."
"What would?"
"If you said that you felt like doing it."
"Right again. So, you see, it is not hypocrisy to work at love at all. That is the lie of Satan, who wants you to rationalize your desires not to give of yourselves to one another by excusing your failure with the protest that obedience to God without feeling is hypocrisy."
I don't know about you but this speaks volumes to me. I suppose this may mean I am to learn to love my mother-in-law more by serving her!
Thank you, Lord, that You are long-suffering!
posted by momlinda1945 | 8:06 AM
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