Musings of a Mother (In Retrospect)

I do realize that dwelling on the past is not usually profitable but to the extent that it may help those following.

As I age and look through the changes in my life, I am able to see a little clearly that some of the decisions I made were wrong. I couldn't see it then. I was blinded by my own passions.

One that has come to my mind lately deals with motherhood. That was a position I longed for from early childhood. I loved children and interacted with them very well. I couldn't wait to have one of my own. In God's mercy, he kept that pleasure from me until our marriage was almost into it's twelfth year.

I was filled with awe of this little one, so long awaited and equally as well for the next two. My heart was overflowing with all the love that I had saved to share with a child of my own. I think I would have been called an excellent mother. I kept my children clean and fed and they were relatively well-behaved. They were in church every time the door was open unless a rare sickness prevented it. They were educated by godly teachers and exposed to godly men and women from birth. They were protected and taught what sin was. They were each led to the Lord at an early age.

As I look back at those years now, sometimes I wonder why it didn't work as I had thought it would. I dreamed of the godly adults that had desires to spread God's word and share all they had with dying men and women. I dreamed that they would be giving people that would share materially with God's people.

When I think back about my line of thinking back in those days, I realize that I did not view my children properly. I somehow thought that if I constantly uplifted and encouraged them, that would produce the goodness I wished to see. This is where I went wrong.

As I think about it now, I realize that my job was to see their strengths AND weaknesses. I should have spotted things like fear, dishonesty, irresponsibility and pride. I should have lovingly corrected those things so that by the time they were adults, they could be free to yield better to the Holy Spirit. But, you see, I was not that spiritually mature myself. I was under the impression that if you DID the right things, that, in itself, would produce the right results.

I have wonderful children that are a blessing to me but none of them share completely my views of the spiritual life. I suppose it is because of the lack of spiritual maturity. They are each still dealing with the "weights that so easily beset them".

I'm sure that my children will probably read into this a sense of disappointment and to some extent they would be right but I do understand that there are MANY parents that would be overjoyed to have my children. I appreciate that about them. They each have many good qualities.

My reason for writing this is to possibly plant a seed in their hearts as to what might help them raise godly children.

II Timothy 3:14-17
"But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them;
And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus,
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness;
That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works."