What A Day

It's been a dreary day for bus visitation. I had to wear a jacket and met with MANY children who were either not going to be at home tomorrow or were going to parties tonight and wouldn't be up. It is very discouraging at times.

It's hard not to take it personally when you see that some are losing interest. It's at those times that I have to realize that there is a much bigger plan than my being able to keep all these kids interested in church. It is very hard for me to not go beyond what God expects. Sometimes I feel pressure that I have to be faithful. These children are watching me and I'm afraid that if I don't visit them each Saturday and show an interest that they will connect that with God's care for them and become discouraged. This is the problem I have encountered with the children I have lost to the other church. I don't want those children to think that I don't care about them and yet I don't trust the other people from the other church to continue to be faithful to them. This is a very hard learning experience!!

Tonight I heard a dreaded sound. I was busy cleaning the kitchen when all of the sudden it sounded like thunder downstairs. I knew that Grandma had probably fallen. I threw down my broom and ran as fast as I could up the stairs only to find her between the bed and the dresser, flat on her back. I have dreaded that one. Because of her mastectomy so many years ago, she can not raise that arm very high. She has no muscles to speak of in her legs and her knees are in pain so we were at a loss as to how to get her up. After about twenty minutes AND A LOT OF SWEAT, we finally got her up. Evidently she didn't have any bad consequences but I would not be surprised if she has several bruises. She was in good spirits and was surprised that we heard her. LOL.......I thought the house was falling!!!

Another Hospital Visit for Grandma

When my ears are dulled,and my eyes are weak,
When my memory's gone,and my bones, they squeak,
Help me, Lord, to trust in Thy loving care,
May Your love for me each day I share.

Lord, it's hard when we're old, and our bodies shake,
To remember You with each breath that we take.
Our needs may be great and our usefulness deplete,
But abiding in You makes our life complete.

The days are few 'til these feet step ashore,
In that place You've prepared where we'll live evermore.
So keep me aware that with each little pain,
My body is destined for a much higher plain!




I took Grandma to St. Lukes Hospital last night about 11:30. Her blood pressure was elevated to 211/100+. Of course she was concerned as she realizes that is stroke or heart attack level.

This will be the third time this has happened since she has been with us and the same thing happens. Once we get to the hospital, her blood pressure levels. They check her out thoroughly and decide that she is ok. The other three times they kept her for a couple of days. Last night she was asking to go home as soon as she got there. She had taken some Valium and Librax before leaving the house. On our way home at 4:15 AM she was feeling great that she was going home to get warm. This morning the blood pressure is elevated again so a call has been made to the doctor. She insists that he HAS to give her more medicine to take care of this before the night.

The doctor hasn't called back yet to my knowledge. Only yesterday he instructed me to take her medicine and make sure she was getting the correct dosage each day but that was met with GREAT DISDAIN!!! Another words "that isn't happening!" So, for now, I have my hands tied behind my back. I have no answers, don't know what to look for if she needs emergency care and even if I did it would not be well accepted by her.

Lord, she is your child! I ask for wisdom.

Reflections on Aging

I see a change in my life in the next few years. Things are going downhill for Grandma. She rarely leaves her chair except for her beauty shop visit once a week and for the doctor visits. Of course, with her lack of activity she experiences pain in her joints when she does get up. She is never warm and keeps her room so hot that it makes a person nauseous to walk in there.

Having always been a critical person, she has not slowed down with that at all. It has accelerated since now nothing tastes good, she doesn't feel well and her system is slowing down in every area.

She spends much time trying to keep her blood pressure, pulse, weight and bowels regulated. Actually, that is pretty much the extent of her day.

The TV stays on most of the time but she is usually sleeping except for the times that I bring food up.

Every morning I bring her up a pot of coffee, a fried egg, bisquit & butter and some jelly. Some mornings I fix gravy since that is her favorite. At lunch, I usually just let her eat whatever she wants out of her little refrigerator. For supper, she gets whatever I have cooked and usually, I didn't cook it quite good enough. It is either too tough, not done, or some other complaint. I have quit trying to please since Mike is well-pleased and she is dealing with the demise of her taste buds and some problems with her teeth.

This morning, I had to Spray and Wash the front of one blouse of hers because she had spilled mustard all over the front.

I find little bits of rolled up, dirty pieces of toilet paper in the bathroom, messes around the commode with the toilet brush which I detest. Those things are NASTY!!! I would much rather clean the toilet with my hand so I can get it REAL clean. My hands are washable!!!

We had to get a new coffee maker recently since she had spilled water all down in the old one and it quit working. The new one is a little more modern and she had a hard time trying to get it figured out. She thought I should take it back. I told her I would just take it downstairs and bring it up to her each morning. That has worked well.

I'm sure things will get worse in the future. I just had to think about it this morning, as I was cleaning the front of that blouse that my life seems like it is going backwards. After those years of poopy diapers and spills and messes, now we are reverting back to SOME of those things again.

One thing we have figured out. WE ARE SIXTY YEARS OLD!!! The days of listening to Grandma for advice(even though it was not asked for) are quickly leaving us. We have already made those decisions ourselves.

I couldn't help but be amused when I realized that we, too, will be eighty, should the Lord tarry His coming. AND the world will have passed us by too. And that will be a good thing. It would not be good for our children if the world stayed static!

I was thinking about the people that came over to settle this country. It was years that each generation could have passed down valuable information about survival! Just as the Bible has prophesied, knowledge has increased at such a rate of speed now that the advice I would have to give to my children would be laughable. I'm sure their world will be much more technological than we have now.

BUT the only thing I will have to give my children is a Spiritual heritage. That is something that I can continue to grow in until death. I can continue to worship and praise the God of creation. I can try my own faith and share that with my children. It is my job to continue on this journey, full of faith and a desire for more of God's will so that I can share that until death.

I want my life and my death to be an encouragement to others in the faith!!!


These will be verses that I can cling to for the future:
II Corinthians 12: 9-10
"...My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then am I strong."

Bus 5 is #2!!!!!

It finally happened and I am so glad that Bus 3 was the one that did it. We were down terribly yesterday. We had 25 and 2 first time visitors. But, Bus 3 has been working really hard and they beat us by one! I am sure those kids were very excited. Every Sunday the children in Junior Church get to hear how many rode the bus and which bus won and we usually do win. So, it's not very exciting to the rest, I'm sure. So, I praise the Lord that those children got to experience that excitement and maybe they will work harder to get more to church with them.

The reasons for our demise were many! One thing that took 3 regulars was the opening of Six Flags. There may have been more that went but I wasn't aware.

Another thing that took some was just plain laziness and a beautiful day. This weekend was very nice except for the storms on Sunday afternoon and evening. Saturday and Sunday morning were just beyond beautiful. So, some stayed in bed.

Others went to the other church. We have lost approximately 10 to the gentleman that is trying to build a youth class at a small church. I saw several of the children out riding their bikes Saturday. I really miss those little guys! I gave them hugs and bubble gum and one of them said "Mrs. Cozart, I might come to your church next Sunday!" I told him and his aunt that he should not do that. I tried to explain that there were Sunday School teachers preparing lessons for his class and they were trying to teach him something. If he misses Sundays, he might miss something really important. SO....he needs to make a choice. If he likes the other church better then he needs to continue FAITHFULLY to go there and listen.

That really hurts to say that because we had seen one of the girls get saved and several had been showing some interest in spiritual things. The one family of three had never gone to church before so I guess we should be glad that we could encourage them to start. Perhaps the smaller church can give them more one on one attention. I just pray that they will all experience a salvation that is real and thriving.

We are not discouraged! I visited with six new children last week and expect that they might come in the near future. This is God's ministry, not mine and He, alone knows what is happening in the background.

Praise the Lord for His faithfulness!!!

Quick Update

We had a great Easter! We were able to see several souls saved in our morning service and the auditorium was full. It was such a blessing.

Bus 5 was the #1 bus with only 31. We didn't think we would make that ranking again. Frankly, I was shocked that we had so many on the bus. After my visitation on Saturday, I was afraid we would be doing good to have 20 on there. Many families were having "get-togethers".

The ensemble sang "The Perfect Lamb" for the special and I think it came out ok except for one spot. I love singing in that group because we can really give it all we've got. Every song we have sung has been something that had much feeling in it. Mike and I both struggle with the memorizing of the words but so far it has worked.

The choir also sang a great song, "Forgiven Forever" which was mostly the choir backing up Leah Black as she sang a beautiful solo. We also had to memorize that one. We are really stretching our old brains.

We started relearning the ten commandments on the bus again, since that is something I have flashcards for. We work on the books of the bible most every Sunday and I am really proud of how well some of those children can do that.

I can remember when the ten commandments were something that we just didn't mention in Sunday School. Perhaps it was because we didn't want to stress a set of rules in case someone should think that they could obey those and make it to heaven. But, I have come to realize that most children on my bus have no idea of what God's standard really is. If they don't understand that, how can they ever fathom the depth of their sin. When they live with parents involved in gross immorality as an every day life style, they have a slanted view of what is right and wrong.

The flashcards I have show the numbers decorated in a way to make it understandable. For instance, yesterday, I was working on #3, (thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God in vain). That seems so simple to me but after working on that one a few minutes, I realized that there were some children on the bus that had NEVER even heard such a thing. The number 3 is decorated with two faces. One on the top and one on the bottom. The lesson is that when you have a friend that speaks lovingly to your face and then to your back talks badly of you, you consider that person to be "two-faced". I use that to explain that the word "vain" means empty or without meaning. Just as we do not like it when we have a friend that speaks in an empty way to our face, God does not like to hear His name spoken in an empty fashion. I am apalled today when the TV is on for any length of time, we hear God's name taken in vain over and over. On the bus, the children do that with no thought. Maybe they understand a little more what God's standard is, after yesterday.

Happy Easter to all!! Jesus is alive!!!!!

Good Weekend

Well, Bus 5 was #1 again. We had 44 with one first time rider and another girl that had not been on the bus but one time and that was a couple of years ago, so I counted her a first timer too.

I was exhausted, having gone with Mike on Friday to Crawford County. On Saturday, we had bus breakfast at 8:30 AM. Buddy helped me by taking half of the route to visit so that I could get back to the church for the noon luncheon with Mrs. Folger. I took the time in the morning to go buy groceries. Then after the luncheon, I did visitation, getting home about 4:30, in time to get ready for the 6:00 Worker's Banquet with Bro. Folger.

I was dragging my feet when Sunday morning came. It seems that Satan was working full force! Siblings all over the bus were in grumpy moods. I have a couple of families that I have a hard time keeping in seats.....well, let me reword that! They WILL NOT stay in seats! They were also the ones that were in grumpy moods.

We also had a different driver going home and I had to be a guide since I let the boy workers go home so they could go out to eat with their families. So, it was exciting to hear some of the teen girls take a lead and do some singing. Actually, one of the girls came in a skirt and high heels!!! She is progressing.

We had a lady saved yesterday morning. Her children ride the church bus. She has 8 children; three sets of twins, and she doesn't look old enough to have them nor does she look out of shape!!!! But the children missed the bus so she decided to take them. Praise the Lord, Bro. Folger preached a very plain message on justification and she walked down the aisle in tears to receive Jesus.

Got lots of cleaning to do today! My girl is coming over tonight!! YAY!

"Satan Reigns!"

I knew that would get your attention! Actually, we had a scary but funny thing happen at church last night. We had a visiting preacher, Bro. Kevin Folger, speaking. He had come down from the platform and was starting to tell us a very dramatic story when we heard a scream from the back of the church. I couldn't understand what was said but I turned around quickly to see our resident policeman(grew up in our church and is now a city policeman) leave the service.

After church we found out that a couple of 16 year old boys drove into the parking lot. One of them came in and screamed "Satan reigns!" in the back door of the auditorium while videoing it with his cell phone. Funny thing!!!! IF Satan reigns, why didn't he instruct him to go to one of the seven other doors into the auditorium!!! The policeman was able to get the license number and call back to the police station and have the boys picked up. Bad day for Satan......not only did they get arrested and brought back to church to speak to the pastor, the pastor now has their address and will make it a point to minister to those boys AND their families. Isn't it funny the way that works!!!!!

Forgiveness

I need to write a few things down so that I am clear in my own mind about what I am reading, so I MAY come back and correct myself later.

One of the convicting things I have been reading in my couseling study is about apologies in contrast to asking for forgiveness. Dr. Adams is bringing to light that an apology is simply a man made substitute for what God commanded. If a person goes to a another he has wronged and says, "I'm sorry!", the most normal reaction is a quick, "Oh, that's ok!" That is not what God asked us to do. We are to confess and receive forgiveness. It is quite different to go to a person and say, "I have sinned against God and against you and I ask you to forgive me!" It is then up to the wronged person to choose to forgive.

I don't think I really understood what forgiveness was completely. Here is a quote from Dr. Adams in "A Theology of Christian Counseling": "Forgiveness is a lifting of the charge of guilt from another, a formal declaration of that fact and a promise (made and kept) never to remember the wrong against him in the future." That is much more involved than a simple "Oh, that's ok!"

I think one of my problems has been in the area of not confronting a brother as instructed in Luke 17:3-4. You see how we minimize what God commands. The issue is that God be able to work in our lives. As christians, if my brother offends me and I choose to just absorb that with no acknowledgement of the trangression, do I not say that my peace is more important than God's commandment? The issue here is that God be allowed access to my heart and my brother's heart so that He may have free reign in our lives. There is also the pride issue. Do I not "look" more spiritual if I just take the offense silently? Sometimes, I think we may try to take on a martyr complex. There is much more involved here that I don't understand yet. Hopefully, much more will be explained soon.

Medical Memories

It's funny how memories work! This morning, I am filling out a patient information form for a much needed dental visit. It asked when my last dental visit was. OH MY!!! I had to go to my Miscellaneou/Medical file to find that.

As I thumbed through the many papers included there the memories were many! There are many tickets from Suburban Pediatrics where each one of the children went for shots and the varied childhood diseases. I'm glad that is over but in a way, I wish I was back there. There were such warm memories of when each child was sick and I cuddled and cleaned behind, rubbed Ryan's itchy chicken pox sores, gave the medications on time, held Maleah while they took blood for tests, sat for hours while she got fluids after having almost dehydrated, went to the hospital with Shawn when he got knocked out by an unknown assailant on the K-Mart parking lot, went to the St. Louis Surgery Center for Shawn to have knee surgery; went to Jefferson Memorial while Ryan had to be checked out after the van in which the kids from church were riding was hit from behind by an 18-wheeler. Scary times!! But all those times bring back such warm memories.


There were also memories of the many medical issues with Mike and I; his ankle, badly sprained, his Easter morning trip to St. Anthony's, my trips to Dr. Drapers office when pregnant and eventual trips to Phelps County Memorial Hospital.
There were so many good times and a few bad times but I am not sorry for any. I would gladly do it all over!!!

Being a family is hard work some times but for all the hard work it is a blessing!!! I waited FOREVER, it seemed to be a part of my own family and it was well worth the wait!!!

Introspection

In the last few months I have been around a few people that, for one reason or another, caused me to become very introspective. This seems like a noble thing to do. I hate being a hypocrite. I like to be totally transparent. I honestly believe that is exactly what Christ wants from me.

Sometimes, being very forthright can come across as arrogant. I hate arrogance. I don't like to be around superficial, pompous people; nor do I ever want to come across that way myself. But did you ever think what an unstable life you would have if you always lived to please everyone else?

SO! Here is my assessment! I believe that I should always stay clean before my Lord. As long as I am abiding in Him, I need not fear if people question my motives. When I become very introspective, I find that in itself, is being self-centered. I already know that "in me dwells no good thing." So, why should that surprise me. What am I going to find if I stay there, picking every thought and intent apart.

Hebrews 4:14-16
"Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."

If I can come BOLDLY to God, knowing that He knows my heart, and still find grace to help in time of need, then I must assume that there are times when I must allow people to think what that want to think and not let that become a root of bitterness in my own introspection. Thank you, Lord, that there is safety in the hollow of Your hand!

Still Number One

Bus 5 beat the competition again yesterday! We had 31 less than we had last week. So our number was 32 with 1 first time visitor. The crowd was much more manageable and we enjoyed the ride.

I was a little discouraged because on Saturday, I had spent quite a while visiting with one of the mothers and she promised me that she would come on Sunday morning. At one of the apartments, I approached a boy that used to ride a while back. He has PROMISED me for two weeks that he would ride. Neither one of these came!

I'm sure that time change affected our numbers so hopefully we will be back up next week.

I was excited to have one of the new couples that just got saved and baptized come up to Mike and let him know that he had worked with Shawn at Circuit City and Ultimate Electronics and he was a good guy!! What a small world. Maybe we need to reach out a little more to this particular family!!

We had storms last night and about the time we started to leave for ensemble practice, a huge dark cloud began and we came under tornado warnings. We got Grandma into the basement, although I will say that if the tornado had been on us, we would have all died. She struggles to get down all those steps. I sure wish we had been able to get the basement finished so she could have her own place with everything on one level. I really don't know how I am going to care for her if she becomes permanently disabled which seems to be fast approaching. At least if she were down in the basement, she could even go outside without managing any steps. One of the men from her old church that is a carpenter had promised that he would finish out that basement. He even got her some cabinets that he saved from another house but I think we have all given up hope on that ever happening. God knows about this!!

Back to the tornado update...we did have quite a bit of rain and wind and as we have a battery powered radio in the basement, we were able to hear the local radio station that had people calling in on cellphones, giving reports on the damage. There were quite a few reports. This was very scary to Grandma who imagined we were in the midst of a tornado ravaged area with electric wires down on every hand. Mike went on to church but I decided to stay so that Grandma would not feel so frightened.

Oh boy!!! It is 7:55 in the morning and I just got a phone call. It was one of the kids on my bus. She is 6 years old. She said she was just calling all her friends!!!! Wow....what a privilege, to be called her friend and yet my gut feeling says this is not a good thing. I don't really have time for talking to six year olds and keeping up with everything!

Let's see, I have Bible reading, cooking breakfast for grandma, grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning, phone calls, cooking, changing bed clothes, getting all the garbage out to the street, making arrangements to get the oil changed! Well, so much for gathering the garbage. The garbage man came early today!

Matthew 6:34
"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Beautiful, Sunny Saturday

How I enjoyed my visitation today!! The weather was so nice. I didn't have to have even a light jacket.

I am a little discouraged because about 8-10 of my bus kids from one mobile home park are being "rustled"! I have mixed emotions about this. For one thing, these are the kids that I have been so burdened for. They had never gone to church regularly before we started visiting. A couple of the kids have gotten saved but not baptized. These are my kids from New Orleans and their cousins. I just fell in love with these kids and I hate to lose them.

I have been very introspective about it. I don't want it to be a pride issue! It is certainly not that I care if our numbers decrease. Actually, the last two Sundays with the 53 in attendance, none of them were present anyway.

Lord, I ask that YOUR will be done in this situation!! You know my heart and You know exactly what Your plans for their lives are.

I visited with one of the girls mother's today. She is unmarried and just found out that she is expecting. Her daughter is 12 years old and she had a lot of problems at birth. The lady has no operative car. She works at a food place located within walking distance to her mobile home. She lives in a very small mobile home that was given to her. She is chancing losing that because she is struggling to pay her pad rent of $185 per month. So many problems!!! We had a good talk today and she told me about having been saved several years ago. She really just needed someone to disciple her. I struggle with this. If I could have, I would have figured a way to get her a working vehicle and paid a months rent but is that what God would have??? One of her friends is working on getting her a job with her. Lord, give me wisdom!!!

We should have a pretty good number tomorrow!!

I Corinthians 13:13

"And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity."

New Subject Matter

The last two days have been eventful. On Thursday, I went with Mike since he only had one appointment. The lady he tuned for that morning was a long standing customer of 20+ years. She has moved a couple of times since we started tuning for her. Mike has always wanted me to go with him to her new house. He is very impressed with this house. The surroundings were beautiful and the house was not a disappointment. She took me on a grand tour and it was really nice. The house has 7 bathrooms....if I didn't lose count; 4 bedrooms, a gym and game room, two kitchens, living room, family room, library, laundry room, office, winding staircase, waterfall that is easily seen from the living room windows, and a swimming pool. The master bathroom was bigger than my bedroom!!! It was just beautiful. It made me start thinking about heaven. I know that what is in heaven will far exceed anything done on this earth, I can't wait to see it.

On Friday, I went with Mike again, as we had to go out to Crawford County. Got to visit with my friend, Sheila, who is Maleah's mother-in-law. We enjoyed a few minutes of fellowship. Then we went to a house that was WAY down a dirt road...as a matter of fact, her driveway was off the dirt road and it was another 1/2 mile. The setting was also fascinating. They have several acres and raise cows and chickens and enjoy the country life. There is something to be said for the peace and solitude of that area. This lady felt bad because Mike complained of her road(shame on Mike)! She gave us two dozen FRESH eggs.

The next customer was a long standing customer of seven years. She, too, has a beautiful house in a lovely setting. She just leaves the door unlocked for us. She has two new dogs this year, Maltese, Willie and Mattie. They were very excited to have us there as they were pinned up in a play pen.

We ate lunch at the palatial Sonic restaurant!;) After lunch we headed to Rose Bud and to another unique home of another long standing customer. She lives in an older home that her husband and sons built an addition on. It is very unique with a lot of wood work and a beautiful stonework fireplace.

Then, it was on to Union and the last tuning before heading to Maleah's house. We rarely get to go see her in her home since she is about an hour away from us. I had intended on cooking supper for them because I thought we would get there long before they did but as we were running late all day, we made it there about the same time they did. I cooked fried chicken anyway and we enjoyed sharing a meal time with she and Casey. Ryan came in around 8:00 and it was fun being around my baby once again. Sure wish Shawn and Shannon could have been there.

Maleah showed me a couple of people on MySpace.com that were shocking. There was Blair....our friend from California. He was a totally different person from the one we had known. My heart broke as I read the lyrics to some songs he has written. I am grieved at the hurt that was portrayed there. I am so tired of watching Satan ruin and wreck lives. I am ready to say "Even so, Lord Jesus, COME!!!"

We left there a little after 10:00 so arrived home after 11:00. Millie was very glad to see us. We dropped wearily into bed and slept like a log.....and guess what!!! TODAY is the day we move the clocks back an hour so we can get that much awaited extra hour of daylight. But we also lose that precious hour of sleep.....there is good and bad in everything!!!

Ro 8:35 (KJV) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.